I am terribly fond of martinis, Edward Gorey, and sleeping with many pillows.
You are more than welcome to follow me on Twitter: @procopster
I decided to make my own Kentucky jelly, the old-fashioned way, just to take the bad taste out of my mouth. And when I say “old-fashioned,” I mean like the cocktail of the same name.
And in the middle of everything would be a treat which would really bring home the drama of Christ’s Passion in edible form. Something delicious and filling, but would still remind us of Christ’s suffering with each and every mouthful: corn dogs on a cross.
These jellies are not for children, which is a good thing because in all likelihood, they would not like them. They are what they are, which is incredibly alcoholic. 110 proof. Please serve, suck, and chew them responsibly.
By “eat light,” I mean feed myself with as many (good) mood-enhancing ingredients as I can get my hands on. This Holiday Season, while I still plan on consuming my fair share of spiked eggnog and Christmas cookies, I’ll be self-medicating with more fruits and vegetables and less bourbon.
Michelle Obama’s husband may have won The White House, but her citrus and amaretto-laced shortbread lost the Family Circle Bake-Off in 2008 to Cindy McCain’s plagiarized Butterscotch Oatmeal cookies. To date, she is the only woman to lose the bake-off yet become first lady.
What is interesting about this contest is not so much about how good these cookies are (or aren’t), but rather, what each recipe says about the woman who submitted it. And, by extension, her husband’s political philosophies. Do these treats adhere to their respective party platforms? The only way to find out is to bake them.
When my friend Roy alerted me to this new piece of technology, my first reaction as both a career server at a fine dining establishment and someone resistant to new technology was to view the E La Carte tablet as vilely impersonal and a threat to my profession. Over the last 24 hours, however, I have calmed myself as I weigh what I imagine the cons– and the pros– are of this particular piece of equipment.
I thought long and hard about which singer to single out and pay tribute to. Judy Garland? Too obvious. And the only thing I could think of doing for her was making a meal comprised entirely of pills, which is beyond my scope as a home cook. Bing Crosby? I suppose I could have taken some young, tender chicken, beaten it mercilessly, and marinated it in Minute Maid orange juice, but I didn’t have the stomach for it.
The way I felt about my Ovaltine ice cream was precisely the way I feel about Christmas– what was initially a simple, delightful, and comforting idea had transformed into something complicated, annoying, and stress-inducing. This little exercise in making a malted ice cream became, in it’s own way, an unexpected gift– I realized that it wasn’t Christmas (or my ice cream, for that matter) that I had grown to loathe, it was all the the other stuff– the irritating marshmallowy fluff– that gets in the way.
Thanks to Rosetta Constantino’s My Calabria (written with Janet Fletcher) and the interest it has sparked in me, I feel as though the old toe is finally beginning to heal. The book is a long-overdue source of pride and celebration for those of us whose families emigrated from there. For those who are not of Calabrese heritage, it brings this remote area of Southern Italy closer; it sheds light upon the cuisine of a region that has been largely ignored by the rest of the world.
Let’s pretend for a moment you were asked to translate yourself into a plate of food.
If you were to turn the phrase “You are what you eat” on its ear and attempt to eat what you are, what exactly would you be eating? What would it look like if you laid bare all those little bits of yourself– your own, personal ingredients, I suppose– and put them on a plate for all the world to see?
The crowd was ripe for people-watching, with its delightful mix of food-lovers, the tragically hip, the merely tragic (feel free to ask me about a certain alarming combination of silicone, facial reconstructive surgery, and a gigantic purse with a working clock face), lots and lots of gay men (I am very comforted by the fact that it’s become fashionable for us to eat again publicly), and a vast number of nice people looking to chow down for a good cause.
And then, of course, there were the roving hordes of foodies, who a twitter friend of mine once described as people who “would stand outside a mediocre sandwich place for two hours because of a Yelp buzz.”
I should state clearly that these are not Neiman Marcus popovers. Since it was a Porky Pig cartoon that lead me to this post, I’ve decided to make them, well, porky– butter has been replaced by bacon grease and the addition of chopped bacon to the tops not only gives a bit of added oomph but, like a Western Diamondback’s rattle, serves to warn away unsuspecting vegetarian grazers.
The Greeks– at least the old ones– know about starvation. To let anyone who comes under their roof go hungry is to shame an entire culture. It would break the laws of philoxenia (hospitality) or, worse– it would break the heart of their dear, sainted yia-yias.
Perhaps that last statement was a little melodramatic, but it’s the Greeks we’re talking about here. I mean, they invented drama. I can’t say I blame them for overdoing it on the food.
And then I thought about my cocktail and how it lead me to my current state of mind. A Death in the Afternoon is made of champagne–the drink most closely associated with celebration, and absinthe– the drink of forgetfulness. I thought it an odd combination; a conflict of emotions in a glass. And that damned drink had the opposite effect on me– it lead to the dredging up of painful memories that I certainly didn’t feel like celebrating. It is a drink that caused me to become acutely aware of what was absent from my life.
Bastilla. Real bastilla made with real Moroccan pigeon. Of course, I thought that the pigeons caught and prepared for my meal might very well have been from some other country and merely had the misfortune of landing in the wrong spot at the wrong time, but I let that go. I was about to eat them baked with almonds, spices, and eggs into the flaky pastry of my favorite Moroccan dish of all time. And in Morocco, of all places, too. I longed to nearly suffocate myself under it’s heavy layer of powdered sugar and cinnamon.
I considered other Oscar winners for that year, but they just didn’t inspire cooking. Yes, I could have made a Sergeant Yorkshire pudding, but that seemed ridiculous. And under no circumstances was I about to make anything with the name Suspicion in it. In terms of baking, I firmly believe that anything Joan Fontaine-inspired is to be avoided, since the result will either be weepy or worse, too bitter to eat.
Bay Area Bites (BAB), KQED's public media food blog, feeds you visually compelling food-related stories, news, recipes and reviews from the San Francisco Bay Area and beyond. Enter your email address to receive updates each time we publish new posts.
Flax Seed: The Next Superfood For Cows And Beef?
After years of research, an animal scientist looking for ways to keep inflammation down in cattle came up with a novel approach: feed them flax. The flax in their food helps keep animals healthy and has an added benefit for those who later eat their meat: omega-3 enriched beef.
Congress: Where Food Reforms Go To Die?
As Congress gets to work on the farm bill, two common-sense, bipartisan reform measures seem to have gotten run over somewhere along the way. The first would set minimum standards for housing egg-laying chickens. The second sought to change how the U.S. provides food aid to people in foreign nations.
For Supreme Court, Monsanto’s Win Was More About Patents Than Seeds
The high court ruled unanimously that when farmers use patented seed for more than one planting in violation of their licensing agreements, they are liable for damages.
Try A Do-It-Yourself Mother’s Day
Rather than waiting for someone to give you a treat, why not make one of your favorites for yourself? Something you can snack on all week when no one’s around. Or, better yet, something you don’t have to share. Food writer T. Susan Chang recommends slow-roasted pecans, salty-sweet matzo candy and more.
A Fresh Pod Cast: Savoring Spring’s Green Peas
Emerald green and tender, yet with a gentle crunch, garden peas can be so delightful when fresh — and so disappointing when not. Try them now in their seasonal prime in these recipes for chilled soup, a citrusy spread and a traditional rice dish.
Spring has sprung! And it’s time to bask in the garden, celebrating the sweet greens of spring with Fava-Bean Crostini topped with mint and Pecorino Romano cheese.
Hunan Home’s Restaurant, Radius, Guerilla Café: Check, Please! Bay Area reviews
Restaurants reviewed: Hunan Home’s Restaurant (San Francisco), Radius Restaurant and Café (San Francisco) and Guerilla Café (Berkeley).
Chris Hadfield: Space Chef In Chief
The Canadian astronaut didn’t just tweet and sing his heart out during his five months as commander of the International Space Station. He also took time out to show the world what it’s like to eat up there.
Bocanova, Willi’s Wine Bar, The Rotunda of Neiman Marcus: Check, Please! Bay Area reviews
Check, Please! Bay Area reviews these restaurants: Bocanova (Oakland), Willi’s Wine Bar (Santa Rosa), The Rotunda of Neiman Marcus (San Francisco).
Celebrate the Ferry Plaza Farmers’ Market 20th Birthday Bash with CUESA
In honor of its 20th anniversary, Bay Area Bites looks back on how the Ferry Plaza Farmers’ Market has become a San Francisco institution for chefs, home cooks, and curious eaters from around the world.
Exploratorium Elevates Museum Eating Experience
Chef Loretta Keller, the force behind the Exploratorium’s new culinary options, talks bee jet lag, living foods, and seawater cocktails with BAB’s Sarah Henry.
Grits, Fried Chicken and Gospel Brunch – Chef David Lawrence Discusses Life at “1300 on Fillmore”
Mary Ladd interviews Chef David Lawrence about his restaurant “1300 on Fillmore” which is known for fabulous grits, fried chicken and a lively Sunday Gospel brunch.
Hunan Home’s Restaurant, Radius, Guerilla Café: Check, Please! Bay Area reviews
Restaurants reviewed: Hunan Home’s Restaurant (San Francisco), Radius Restaurant and Café (San Francisco) and Guerilla Café (Berkeley).
First Impression: Healdsburg SHED
What would a wine country locavore’s paradise look like? Stephanie Rosenbaum talks to Cindy Daniel, owner of Healdsburg’s new SHED, a 21st-century grange, store, and sustainable-living center.
Bocanova, Willi’s Wine Bar, The Rotunda of Neiman Marcus: Check, Please! Bay Area reviews
Check, Please! Bay Area reviews these restaurants: Bocanova (Oakland), Willi’s Wine Bar (Santa Rosa), The Rotunda of Neiman Marcus (San Francisco).
Pompei’s Grotto, Lillie Mae’s House of Soul Food, SPQR: Check, Please! Bay Area reviews
The fourth episode of Season 8 features these restaurants: Pompei’s Grotto (San Francisco), Lillie Mae’s House of Soul Food (Santa Clara) and SPQR (San Francisco). Leslie Sbrocco shares wine tips about Napa Valley wines.
Michael Pollan talks about his new book ‘Cooked’
As in his previous books, Michael Pollan argues in “Cooked” that relying on processed food disrupts our link to the natural world and weakens our interpersonal relationships. But this time he takes a more hands-on approach, doing apprenticeships with a variety of culinary masters who teach him the fine points of fermentation, the benefits of bacteria, and other secrets of honest cuisine. He joins KQED’s Forum in the studio.
KQED’s Forum: Mark Bittman on Part-Time Veganism
Mark Bittman talks about his new book, and how a full-time meat lover adapted to part-time veganism.
Art as Food as Art: Caitlin Freeman and her “Modern Art Desserts”
Cailtlin Freeman’s new book details the drama and recipes behind her self-made dream job: responding to SFMOMA’s art through food.
Are the benefits of genetically engineered foods worth the risks? Check out this half-hour special from QUEST Northern California that explores the pros and cons of genetically engineered crops and what the future holds for research and regulations.
Baby & Toddler On The Go: fresh, homemade foods for a busy life (VIDEO)
A precociously independent toddler packs a healthy homemade lunch and heads off to snack in Bernal Height’s Holly Park in San Francisco. This video is a promo for Kim Laidlaw’s new book: Baby & Toddler On The Go: fresh, homemade foods for a busy life.
Deaf Foodies Savor Gourmet Ghetto Tasting Tour in Sign Language
A dozen Deaf Foodies relish the tastes and history of Berkeley’s Gourmet Ghetto in a 3 hour tasting tour presented completely in American Sign Language (ASL) by food writer (and ASL interpreter) Anna Mindess through Edible Excursions.
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