You could set your watch by it, my mad love affair every autumn with all things squash-y and pumpkin-ish. A few weeks ago, I was kneading up pumpkin bread; this morning, mixing up a batch of rice-flour pumpkin muffins for a grateful wheat-free friend. The kids are carving their pumpkins out on the porch, and I'm planning for tomorrow's dinner, a grand stew served out of a stunning Rouge Vif d'Etampes pumpkin, the flattish, deeply indented beauty, as flaming red-gold as Joan's burnished tresses on Mad Men. It's also known as the Cinderella pumpkin, with good reason, since it seems to lack only six white mice to pull it straight into fairy godmother-land.

It's a little more dainty, if not quite so dramatic, to serve your pumpkin stew or soup in individual, bowl-sized pumpkins rather than one huge one, I'll admit. Whichever you use, prep them like you're getting ready to entertain the trick-or-treaters: saw out a generous circle around the top, reach in and scoop out what you can of the stringy, seedy stuff, and set it aside. Then, get a big metal soup spoon, and scrape out all the remaining stringy bits.

Separate the seeds from the pumpkin innards, and rinse the seeds well. Pat dry, then spread out on a baking sheet. Toss with enough olive or vegetable oil to coat lightly, then sprinkle with salt and paprika, smoked paprika, or chili powder, adding in a little cayenne if you like. Bake at 325 F until crisp and toasty, about 15 to 20 minutes. These are great for snacking, naturally, and also make a nice garnish.

(If you have backyard chickens, toss them the pumpkin guts and any stray raw seeds that escaped the pick-through. They'll snaffle them up like candy corn.)

But we're getting distracted here from the main event. To prep your pumpkins, put your big (or your little pumpkins) and their tops on a baking sheet covered with parchment or foil. Rub a little vegetable oil over the flesh. Bake for 25 minutes. Remove top(s), turn pumpkins bottom side up, and continue baking for another 25-35 minutes, depending on size, until flesh is tender but firm and pumpkin still holds its shape. It's important not to wander off during this time, as the pumpkin shells will collapse if they're overbaked.

Now, what do you want to put in your pumpkins? If you're going to all the trouble of scooping and baking these babies, what's in them should be the main course, I believe. Which means something rich and stew-like, not the usual pashmina-smooth, curried or apple-y bisques. In the Bay Area, the skeletons and jack o' lanterns of Halloween are always interwoven with the sugar skulls and marigold-strewn altars of the Mexican Day of the Dead.

So why not use goat as a base for this stew, a traditional meat for the latter--and, with their spooky eyes and devilish implications, a perfectly haunting choice for Halloween, too. Halal meat counters and Latino markets are good places to find goat; you can also find it at Marin Sun Farms' butcher shop in Rockridge Market Hall. You could also substitute lamb.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween Pumpkin Stew
If you're going to serve this in one large pumpkin or squash, make sure you pick out a good eating one, such as a rouge vif d'etamps or a musquee de provence. Both are wider than they are tall, an important consideration. Make sure the one you pick will fit in your oven before you start.

Serves: 6

Ingredients:
1 large, shallow pumpkin or squash, or 6 small bowl-sized pumpkins, prepared and baked as above
2 1/2 lbs goat or lamb, cubed
2 tbsp flour
1 tsp chipotle powder or smoked paprika
1/2 tsp salt
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, peeled and diced
3 garlic cloves, peeled and finely chopped
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 celery stalks, diced
1 tsp thyme or oregano
1 bay leaf
1 cup red wine
2 dried ancho chilies, soaked in hot water until soft, seeds and stems removed, pureed in a little hot water until smooth, or 2-3 canned chiles in adobo, finely chopped
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes (I use Muir Glen's fire-roasted organic tomatoes)
Roasted pumpkin seeds, for garnish

Preparation:
1. Toss flour, paprika, and salt together, and spread out on a wide, shallow plate. Roll goat or lamb cubes through flour mixture to coat.

2. In a heavy Dutch oven or wide, heavy saucepan, heat olive oil. Add meat in batches, browning on all sides over medium-high heat. Remove and set aside.

3. When meat has been cooked, add onions, garlic, celery, and carrot. Reduce heat to medium and cook, stirring frequently, until softened but not browned. Return meat to pot.

4. Pour red wine over meat and vegetables. Add chiles, diced tomatoes, and thyme or oregano. Add water if necessary so that liquid comes half-way meat and vegetable mixture.

5. Bring mixture to a simmer, reduce heat, and cover. Cook slowly, stirring occasionally, until meat is tender and liquid is reduced, about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Taste for seasoning, and add salt and pepper as needed.

6. Preheat oven to 350 F. Pour stew into prepared pumpkin(s). Bake for 30-40 minutes, until pumpkin flesh is tender and stew has thickened a bit. Taste for seasoning. Remove from oven carefully, since it will be hot and heavy. Replace lid and bring to the table.

7. Pass pumpkin seeds at the table for garnish. Scoop out a portion of cooked pumpkin with each serving, being careful not to pierce the skin.

In his new book "The Food Matters Cookbook: 500 Revolutionary Recipes for Better Living," New York Times food writer Mark Bittman urges Americans toward a more plant-based diet.

Bittman takes on factory farming and the health impacts of a diet too heavy on meat and processed foods, but where others leave us to figure out how to change our habits, Bittman provides recipes for a healthy and environmentally sustainable diet.

Host: Michael Krasny

Guest:
Mark Bittman, food writer, author and columnist for The New York Times

Program aired on KQED's Forum Wed, Oct 27, 2010 -- 10:00 AM

More info:

• The Food Matters Cookbook: 500 Revolutionary Recipes for Better Living" : at Amazon.com
• NYTimes Diner's Journal
• Mark Bittman's website
• Twitter: @bittman
• Mark Bittman on Facebook

Twilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries are just three of the newest examples of how vampires refuse to go dustily into that good night. And they're also why I found myself researching and writing VampireSmarts ("The Question & Answer Game that makes learning about Vampires before dating them easy & fun!") and digging up some of the wildest information about vampires a few years ago.

While sticking to an all black wardrobe might be the easiest way to hide unsightly red stains, vampires cannot live in black alone. If you do happen to spill any of your liquid refreshment on your clothes, here are some handy tips on how to deal with the blotches.

Pomegranate or Cranberry Juice

First, saturate the stain with cool water. Next, combine 1 quart cool water, 1 tablespoon of white vinegar, and 1/2 teaspoon liquid detergent.

Let the garment (cape, velvet doublet, silk ascot, etc.) soak in the solution for 15 minutes before sluicing out with water. If the stain isn't exorcised, dab at it with rubbing alcohol and rinse again. Finally, put the garment through the laundry using cold water only.

Red Wine

Hands down, the best way to deal with any wine stain is by spraying it with Wine Away, a miracle product.

Tomato Juice

Immediately attack the stain with cold water and a sponge and then rub it with a wedge of lemon. Finally, douse the area with water, squeeze out as much liquid as possible, and spread the garment out to dry.

Blood

Okay, if you must have blood or just happened to slice open your finger while cutting open a fresh pomegranate, here's a particularly savory way to deal with any resulting stain.

Rub the affected area with a paste made out of powdered meat tenderizer and water. Let the paste interact with the stain for about 30 minutes. Rinse out the garment in a solution of 2 quarts cold water and 1 teaspoon ammonia. Rinse again with just cold water and lay the garment out in the sun to dry. (To avoid any ashes-to-ashes action, ask a friend or family member to tag in for this last step.)

Vampire Fruit

Did you know your fruit carried vampiric properties? According to Romany folklore watermelons and pumpkins that weren't consumed after ten days would develop streaks of blood on their surface. If that's not bizarre enough, these same fruits would also become "noisy" and "annoying" around the house.

Tip: eat your fruits before they go bad. (Har, har, har.)

Admittedly, the following facts have nothing to do with food, but I just had to share them. You'll thank me later.

Crazy Ass Twins

If you can find a set of brother and sister twins who were born on a Saturday, you might have a chance at using them to fight off a vampire. Wait -- don't get too excited yet. What cinches the deal is if said twins happen to make a habit of wearing their unmentionables inside out. Exactly.

Apparently, Romany folklore -- gotta love folklore when doing vampire research -- recounts that the mere glimpse of such a duo would send a vampire screaming for cover. Well, wouldn't you do the same?

Sockholm Syndrome

Reputedly, vampires are curiously attached to their socks, which probably explains why they prefer not to use a dryer. Since they are also afraid of water, one way of ridding yourself of a troublesome bloodsucker is to take his left sock (no idea why it must be the left one), fill it with rocks taken from the vamp's grave, and toss it in running water. The hapless vampire will wander around, desperately searching for his sock, fall into the water, and accidentally drown himself.

Check, Please! Bay Area Season 5: episode 10 airs Thursday October 28 at 7:30pm on KQED TV 9HD. View other airtimes and channels.

You can watch individual restaurant segments as well as view the entire episode online. The website also provides restaurant information not specified on the show, written reviews from the guest and restaurant recipes. If you have opinions on the restaurants featured please feel free to share your thoughts.

The tenth episode of the season features these restaurants: Sichuan Fortune House (Pleasant Hill), Manor Coffee Shop (San Francisco) and L'Ardoise Bistro (San Francisco).

I used to think gnocchi was difficult to make. After numerous attempts, it seemed almost impossible to achieve the light and delicate texture I desired. I tried using both potatoes and butternut squash, but the results were always disappointing: heavy and dense dumplings instead of the tender pillows I craved.

After doing a little research, I discovered Lydia Bastianich's potato gnocchi recipe with these wonderful words of advice: "…keep it light; the more you work the dough, the more flour you'll need, and you don't want to incorporate too much or the gnocchi will be heavy and dry." Eureka! I had always thought making gnocchi was like making pasta dough, but after reading Lydia's instructions, realized my attempts were misguided. Trying to attain a pasta texture, I always added too much flour and overworked my dough.

I stashed this sage advice in a little storeroom in my brain: something to be used later when gnocchi was on the menu. That day arrived last weekend when it was rainy and cold outside and I had a butternut squash sitting on my counter waiting to be used.

You see, I like to make my gnocchi using squash instead of potatoes. Although potato gnocchi is fantastic, squash's natural sweetness is incredibly appealing when paired with a browned butter sauce, and the texture is perfect for gnocchi.

After roasting my squash with some olive oil, sea salt and freshly cracked pepper, I was ready to go. I put the squash through a ricer and then gently mixed in the remaining ingredients. The texture seemed far too mushy to handle, but I really wanted to follow Lydia's advice, so I refrained from adding more flour. With a pot of boiling salted water by my side, I gently cut off pieces of the dough, carefully setting each batch on top of some flour I had scattered on my counter top, being careful not to use too much.

I set to work making long snakes of gnocchi dough that I then cut into 1/2-inch pieces. After shaping each one, I carefully set the lot in my hot water and watched as they cooked in the simmering pot. Although I was afraid the gnocchi would fall apart, they instead formed into beautiful little mounds. When cooked through, I set my dumplings in a pan of browned butter with herbs.

My gnocchi was light and airy yet retained a stable consistency. The squash flavor was sweet but subtle and paired beautifully with the brown butter and herb sauce. My husband claimed them to be the best gnocchi I’d ever made. Thank you, Lydia!

Butternut Squash Gnocchi in Brown Butter Sauce

Makes: Enough for four people

Ingredients:

1 medium or 2/3 1 large butternut squash
2 cups flour
1 egg scrambled in a bowl
Olive oil (enough to drizzle onto squash when baking)
Salt and pepper to taste
Brown Butter Sauce (recipe below)

Preparation:

Baking the Squash

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Peel squash. Cut in half and then seed. Slice into ¼-inch pieces.
3. Drizzle a large pan or baking dish with olive oil and then set the squash on top. Drizzle on more olive oil and then sprinkle on salt and pepper.
4. Set baking dish in oven and bake for 20-25 minutes or until squash in cooked through (fork tender).

Making the Gnocchi Dough

1. Fill a large pasta pot with water and bring to a boil. Add 1 heaping tablespoon with salt and add. Simmer until ready for use.
2. Cool squash and then put through a ricer. If you don't have one you can finely squash with a fork.

3. Place riced squash in a large bowl and add the egg and flour. Sprinkle in a dash of salt and add a few grinds of pepper.
4. Gently mix ingredients with a fork until just mixed.

5. Place about a ½ cup of flour on a solid surface (such as a large cutting board or counter top), quarter the dough, and set one piece on the flour. Shape into a snake and then cut into 1/2-inch pieces. Gently flick each piece with the tongs of a fork to shape and set aside on a floured dish. Repeat until all gnocchi are made.

6. Place gnocchi in the pot of boiling water and cook for 2-3 minutes or until plump and floating at the top of the water. Be sure to mix the gnocchi in the water after adding as they have a tendency to sink.
7. Place cooked gnocchi into your pan of brown butter sauce (recipe below) and cook on medium high for one minute. Serve with grated Parmesan cheese.

Brown Butter Sauce

Makes: Enough for one batch gnocchi

Ingredients:

½ stick butter

1/8 cup chopped fresh herbs (Sage is wonderful, but you can also use Italian parsley, oregano, or basil)

¼ cup toasted walnuts (optional)

salt and pepper to taste

Preparation:
1. Heat the butter in a large heavy skillet over medium heat.
2. If using walnuts, add and brown now. Add in the herbs along with a dash of salt and pepper.
3. Turn off the heat until ready for use. When gnocchi is ready, heat pan to medium again and then sauté dumplings in the butter sauce for one minute.

Twixt (Photo Credit: Chow.com)

Growing up in the Northeast, October always brought a little something special in the air. A tinge of excitement, anticipation, promises of tricks and treats to come. The leaves are a shock of color. A big glass of fresh apple cider, or maybe even a piping hot apple donut, could be right around the corner. For sure, a night of revelry could be counted on. Halloween, a night where anything goes, where imagination is king and candy corn is queen.

You could be an Angry Ninja if you so pleased.

The wrath of an angry ninja.

Or a Lovely Lady in mom's high heels.

Just lov-e-ly dahling.

When the witching hour arrives, and your little fingers and toes are frozen through, the best part of the evening is here. It's time to go home and sort through your loot.

Let the opening bell sound, it's trading time.

Good 'N Plenty's were the worst and went straight to Dad. Blech. Skittles and Starburst held decent clout. The big guns, the Apple stock of our world, were Twix, Snickers, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Which is why I was so excited when I saw Chow's Guide to Making Your Own Candy Bars. Homemade versions of my childhood favorites made even better with the use of premium chocolate and the guarantee of zero preservatives added. Sign me up.

I decided to tackle the DIY version of One of Life's Great Kicks. Twix.

Shortbread cookie base

First, we start with getting that cookie crunch. A shortbread base is made and cut to the appropriate candy bar size. Before baking, small indentations are poked into the dough (not sure exactly why…could be to prevent the cookie from rising?).

Chewy caramel

Now on to the chewy caramel layer.

Tempered chocolate coating

And then, the coating of milk chocolate.

To be sure, making your own Halloween candy is pretty time and labor intensive. But, the results will bring you right back to the sugar-high times of yesteryear.

Twixt
Recipe by Aida Mollenkamp, courtesy of Chow.

Time: 4 hrs 50 mins (total); 1 hr 50 mins (active)

Makes: 24 pieces

Ingredients:

For the cookie base:
1 large egg, at room temperature
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
10 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 1/4 sticks, at room temperature and cut into small pieces

For the caramel:
Cooking spray, such as Pam
1 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup light corn syrup
4 tablespoons unsalted butter 1/2 stick
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the chocolate coating:
1 1/2 pounds milk chocolate couverture, such as El Rey 41 percent milk chocolate Discos

Preparation:

For the cookie base:
1. In a small bowl beat together egg and vanilla extract until yolk is broken up and evenly combined; set aside.

2. Combine flour, sugar, salt, and baking powder in the bowl of a food processor and pulse a few times to aerate and break up any lumps. Add butter and pulse until mixture looks like sand, about 25 (1-second) pulses. Add egg mixture and pulse just until dough comes together, about 10 (1-second) pulses. Form into a flat, rectangular disk, wrap in plastic, and refrigerate at least 1 hour.

3. Heat oven to 375°F. Place dough on a 14-inch piece of parchment paper, lightly flour, and roll into a 13-by-8-inch oval, about 1/8 inch thick. (Work quickly, because the dough will become difficult to roll as it warms up.) Transfer parchment paper with dough to a baking sheet, cover in plastic wrap, and refrigerate at least 15 minutes.

4. Trim dough to a 12-by-7-inch square and cut into 3-1/2-by-3/4-inch cookies (you need at least 24). Pierce each cookie four or five times with a chopstick or the base of a thermometer.

5. Place on a baking sheet and cook until golden brown, about 15 minutes. Remove to a wire rack and let cool. Meanwhile, make the caramel.

For the caramel:
1. Spray a 13-by-9-inch baking pan with cooking spray, then line the pan with a 16-by-13-inch piece of parchment paper, leaving a few inches of overhang on each side. Set aside.

2. Combine all ingredients except vanilla extract in a heavy-bottomed 4-quart saucepan fitted with a candy thermometer and place over medium-high heat. Stir mixture until sugar completely dissolves, about 2 minutes. Wash down the inside of the pan with a wet pastry brush to prevent crystallization. Boil mixture, swirling pan occasionally (but not stirring), until syrup is at 248°F, about 8 minutes.

3. Immediately remove the saucepan from heat, stir in vanilla extract, and pour caramel into prepared baking pan. Using an oiled rubber spatula, spread caramel evenly in the pan. Immediately press 24 cookies, pierced side down, into caramel, leaving space between them to cut them apart later.

4. Let cool until caramel is no longer warm to the touch and holds a slight indentation when pressed with your finger, about 40 minutes. Place filling in the refrigerator until caramel is firm and can easily be cut through, about 40 minutes.

5. Remove filling from the baking pan to a cutting board, caramel side down, and, using a sharp knife, cut around each cookie. Peel off parchment paper, place undipped candy bars on a cutting board, caramel side down, and trim away excess caramel. Immediately place on a parchment-lined baking sheet, cookie side down, and set in the refrigerator until caramel is hard, at least 10 minutes. (Note: It's best to work in a cool area for this step.) Meanwhile, temper chocolate.

For the chocolate coating:
1. To temper chocolate, fill a large bowl with 2 inches of cold water, add 3 to 4 ice cubes, and set aside.

2. Bring a saucepan filled with 1 to 2 inches of water to a simmer over high heat; once simmering, turn off heat. Place 18 ounces of the chocolate in a dry heatproof bowl. Set the bowl over the saucepan and stir until chocolate is completely melted and reaches 118°F. (Make sure chocolate does not come in contact with water or exceed 120°F. If either happens, start over, as the chocolate is no longer usable.)

3. Remove the bowl from the saucepan. Add remaining 6 ounces chocolate and stir until all chocolate is melted and cools to 80°F. To speed the cooling process, after all chocolate has melted, place the bowl over the reserved cold-water bath. Meanwhile, take undipped candy bars out of the refrigerator.

4. Return the bowl to the saucepan and stir until chocolate reaches 86°F; immediately remove from heat. Do not remove the thermometer from the bowl; check the temperature periodically to make sure it stays between 85°F and 87°F. (Chocolate must remain in this temperature range while dipping or it will not set up properly.) Keep the saucepan over low heat and use it to reheat chocolate as necessary.

5. To test if chocolate is properly tempered, spread a thin layer on parchment paper and place it in the refrigerator for 3 minutes to set. If chocolate hardens smooth and without streaks, it is properly tempered. (If it is not properly tempered, you need to repeat the process.)

6. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Drop candy bars one at a time, cookie side down, into tempered chocolate. Cover caramel side with more chocolate, then remove candy bar. To do so, hold two dinner forks in one hand, crossing the ends of the handles to form a V, with the tines pointed outward. As you remove each candy bar, tap the forks several times against the edge of the bowl and scrape the bottom of the forks across the edge to wipe away any excess chocolate.

7. Place Twixt on the baking sheet by tilting the forks so the edge of each candy bar touches the parchment-lined pan, then smoothly pull the forks out. Repeat until all candy bars have been dipped. Let sit at room temperature until completely set, at least 20 minutes.

8. Trim any excess chocolate from edges of candy bars and place Twixt in an airtight container. Twixt will last up to three weeks in the refrigerator or up to two months in the freezer. Let come to room temperature before serving.

Twilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries are just three of the newest examples of how vampires refuse to go dustily into that good night. And they're also why I found myself researching and writing VampireSmarts ("The Question & Answer Game that makes learning about Vampires before dating them easy & fun!") and digging up some of the wildest information about vampires a few years ago.

According to Rosemary Ellen Guiley's book The Complete Vampire Companion, there is some guy named Damien Vanian who is living la vida muerte in London. Damien Vanian, aside from having a name that's the undead equivalent of Amelia Bedelia, is supposedly "London's most famous living vampire." I didn't learn a whole lot about the guy, but I did learn that he came up with a blood substitute recipe.

There Will NOT Be Blood*

1 part tomato juice
1 part orange juice

Additional tasting notes on this recipe are that you should drink this cocktail warm -- ideally 98.6°F, because that's body temperature. Also, Vanian believes this effectively mimics both the taste and appearance of clotting blood, so you get all the blood bang without the worries of coming down with the Black Plague. Oh, yeah, that's another fun fact I learned when researching vampires: don't drink human blood. Not only can it be bubbling with bacteria and diseases, it might also act as an emetic.

I should note that since my primary source was published about 16 years ago, I have no idea if this guy is still living (or still living-dead, as it were), so if this concoction makes you vomit, don't blame me.

(*Trademark me. Damien-Banana-Fanna-Fo-Vanian did not come up with that cool-ass name.)

Now, if you're totally grossed out by that drink, but still feel the need to ape the vampiric lifestyle, consider stocking your bar with these delicious blood-like beverages:

• Clamato, cranberry, and pomegranate juice: those health-improving antioxidents are very important, even to vampires.
• Red wine: try a bottle of something from Vampire Vineyards. Because it means "blood of Jove," I'm sad they no longer make a Sangiovese.
• Mineral water: helps thin out the tomato-based drinks and brings a little sparkle back into your life.
• Bloody Mary mix: duh.

Author Daniel Handler (who often uses the pen name of Lemony Snicket) and his wife author/illustrator Lisa Brown live with their young son in the same upper Haight neighborhood as Mayor Gavin Newsom. The duo is active in the arts community, and Handler is on the Board of Advisors for LitPAC, which uses noteworthy authors and lit events to support Democratic causes and politicians. Handler is a San Francisco native who has penned the popular Lemony Snicket series of books, as well as Basic Eight, Watch Your Mouth and Adverbs. Brown hails from Connecticut and is the bestselling author and/or illustrator of books including Vampire Boy's Good Night, The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming, Baby Mix Me a Drink and Picture the Dead, an illustrated Civil War ghost story for teens. She sporadically draws the (soon to be syndicated) Three Panel Book Review cartoon for the
 San Francisco Chronicle. The two met as undergrads at Wesleyan and have been married for twelve years. Here are the food favorites of the literary power couple.

FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
Life's not life without papaya salad, and the best papaya salad we've found is at Marnee Thai, at 9th and Irving. Have one with some Thai iced coffee and then go a few doors down to Le Video and, with the caffeine raging through your system, rent an old monster movie that you would never rent while in your right mind. Enjoy!

Crab season means it's time to head down to Anchor Oyster Bar and have oysters and crab and a bottle of white wine in the middle of the day. Why not? You're self-employed. (Note: only applies to self-employed people.)

Puerto Alegre on Valencia. Don't even ask.

FAVORITE FOOD MARKETS
Andronico's on Funston and Irving is the market we go to for just about everything. Bobby's behind the meat counter. Ask him about Prince, but pay attention while he's answering you or you will go home with three times as much skirt steak as you need.

The cheese section at Rainbow Grocery is an oasis of sophistication and delight. True, you have to push your way through hippies buying bulk foods to put in the Mason jars they brought from home. Life is not perfect.

LET'S DRINK
Alembic has the best cocktails, plus roasted shishito peppers and whatever form of deviled or pickled eggs they're trying out at any given time. We can be found there at a ridiculously early hour. If you see us, pick up the tab.

Tosca Café is another great bar, perfect for buying gimlets, stumbling across the street to City Lights Books to purchase poetry, and then stumbling back for another gimlet while reading poetry purchased at City Lights Books. Repeat and fade.

DATE NIGHT
Okazu Ya on Taraval has a special nigiri called Midnight Express that should not be eaten in the presence of someone with whom you are not sleeping. Halibut, black caviar and a raw quail egg is more erotic than the Castro and North Beach combined.

The Balboa Theater is the easiest movie theater to sneak food into. You should not sneak food into movie theaters. It is against the rules and rude. If you do it with hot and sour soup do not put it in a backpack.

TRAVEL NEEDS
A stovetop espresso maker is a necessary defense against the coffee of New England. We won't say whose coffee we stock it with, because we don't want Ritual, Four Barrel or Blue Bottle mad at us.

GUILTY FOOD PLEASURE?
Food guilt is for wimps and Gentiles.

Are you ready for the rainy season? After that brief, long-delayed idyll of sundress weather, it seems the dark and damp of our wet Mediterranean winter has set in. In his story "A Christmas Memory" Truman Capote called this fruitcake weather--the blustery late-autumn days when the holiday cakes were due to be mixed and baked, anointed with brandy and set on the shelf to mellow and age. If you're a fruitcake maker, or if this is the year when you're finally going to give Laurie Colwin’s infamous Black Cake a go, now's the time to start searching out your dried figs and candied orange peels, your burnt-sugar essence, rum and sweet kosher wine.

But among a certain sector of forage-minded do-it-yourselfers, this is the week to stockpile not nutmeg and sugarplums but onions and horseradish, honey and ginger. It's fire cider time, time to get prepared for winter's onslaught of colds, coughs, and flus, brought on by drafty Victorians, rainy bicycle trips, and sneezers on Muni, not to mention the petri dishes that are small children.

Last year, when all my mom friends were ankle-deep in squashed tissues and empty C-Monster bottles, with sticky glasses ringed with the dregs of tangerine Emergen-C scattered over every nightstand and tabletop, I heard about the wonders of fire cider on (where else?) Facebook.

Given that most of my friends online are a) teachers in constant contact with tiny grubby hands and small, constantly running noses; b) artists with flexible schedules, an enthusiasm for alchemical activities, and, often, day jobs at places like Rainbow Grocery; and c) writer/cooks procrastinating, er, continually browsing for interesting stuff on the Net like hungry giraffes among the treetops, it's only surprising that a recipe for fire cider didn't come my way earlier. But last year, there it was, courtesy of a post by my friend Sara Seinberg, a writer, excellent cook, Rainbow collective member, recent San Francisco marathon runner, and all-around curious and glamorous person. She'd found her recipe on The Urban Field Guide, written by herbalist-blogger Kristen Dilley.

I was instantly charmed by everything about it—its witchy, Harry Potter-ish name, its overload of everything fiery and naturally anti-bacterial, and especially, its supposed, nearly magical ability to fire-breathe the winter blues (and sniffles) back up into the clouds. Until I got to the fine print, the uh-oh last step of the recipe, where you put the jar on a dark shelf (or bury it in the backyard) for 6 to 8 weeks before using. Everyone I knew was sick now, not 8 weeks from now. So I shelved my plans for fire cider that winter; Robitussin and chicken soup would have to do.

But with the first rains beginning, I'm inspired to get started ahead of the colds and coughs this time. You'll need to go to a well-stocked grocery like Rainbow or Berkeley Bowl to find the potent roots you need.

Search out fresh horseradish roots if you can (they look like particularly knobbly, gnarly parsnips, thick and twisted, often still muddy). Because fresh horseradish quickly loses its bite when exposed to air, the jarred stuff usually contains salt, sugar, and other additives. The fumes coming off freshly grated horseradish will be enough to keep your sinuses clear for quite a while.

If you can find fresh turmeric root, peel and grate it like ginger, using about 1/3 to 1/2 cup of grated root. While many people think of turmeric as a cheap saffron substitute for saffron, or the stuff that makes curry powder gold, ayurvedic practitioners have valued it for ages, revering it for its purifying, antiseptic and immune-boosting qualities. Cayenne, horseradish, ginger: all of these are warming down to your toes.

Fire Cider
This is potent stuff. If you have gastric issues, like irritable bowel syndrome or ulcers, or are taking blood thinners, do not take fire cider. Otherwise, you can sip it in shots, 1-2 tablespoons at a time, up to three times a day. Yes, you'll have dragon breath, but that in and of itself may keep you healthy, keeping the coughers and sneezers on the other side of the bus.

Makes: 2 cups

Ingredients:
1 small onion, peeled and chopped
5 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
3/4 cup peeled, grated fresh horseradish
1/2 cup peeled, grated fresh ginger
1 tsp ground turmeric
1 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
½ cup honey, preferably raw and local
Apple cider vinegar to cover, approximately 2 cups

Preparation:
1. Get out a clean quart-sized glass jar. Fill with onion, garlic, ginger, horseradish, turmeric, and cayenne. Drizzle in honey.

2. Add cider vinegar to cover. Top lid with a square of waxed paper, then fasten lid on tightly.

3. Put away into a cool, dark place, and let sit undisturbed for 6 to 8 weeks.

4. Strain cider through cheesecloth, squeezing the solids firmly to get all the liquid out. Decant liquid into a clean jar and store in a cool, dark place. Fire cider will last up to 6 months.

Twilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries are just three of the newest examples of how vampires refuse to go dustily into that good night. And they're also why I found myself researching and writing VampireSmarts ("The Question & Answer Game that makes learning about Vampires before dating them easy & fun!") and digging up some of the wildest information about vampires a few years ago.

If you want to keep vampires at bay, you should stock your kitchen with the following vampire-fighting ingredients:

Salt

Possibly because of its antimicrobial properties or because of how often it's used in religious rituals, salt has long been used as a Vampire-Be-Gone.

1. In Romanian folklore, it was believed that women who ate a lot of salt during pregnancy would have a normal baby. However, if you craved a low-sodium diet, you were destined to give birth to a bouncing baby bloodsucker. Just imagine the joys of nursing that would bring!

2. Ever make your parents so mad that they damn you to a postmortem vampire existence? Yep, we've all been there. Well, Greek folklore talks about using saltwater to reverse this very specific situation of a parent-initiated vampire curse.

3. Used as a tracking device, salt would be dumped on the bedroom floor of a vampire victim. The idea was that the vampire would step in the salt and the salt would stick to his bare, vampy feet, which would then allow the Buffys, Van Helsings, and Winchester Brothers of the world to follow the saline path back to the vampire's grave.

No word if the salt needed to be Kosher or not.

Seeds

It would appear that vampires suffered from extreme forms of OCD. According to ancient European peasant folklore, you could keep a vampire from rising and disturbing the peace if you filled his coffin with seeds. Upon waking from his dirt nap, the vampire would be compelled to count and eat all the seeds, and this would keep him occupied until sunrise. You could use carrot or mustard seed, but poppyseeds were favored because of their narcotic effect. After all, a drugged vampire is not a biting vampire.

If you think about it, this sort of explains why The Count on Sesame Street is obsessed with counting.

Garlic

Okay, everyone knows garlic prevents vampire attacks, but does anyone know how that belief came into being?

I do.

It would appear that during those annoying flare-ups of the Black Plague in the 1300s, people used garlic to mask the delightful scents of death and dying. Before it was known that the Black Plague was, in fact, a plague with explainable roots in rats, people assumed that sudden high body counts were the work of vampires and thus developed the association between garlic and vampires. (A lot of medical mysteries were blamed on poor, misunderstood vampires in the olden days.)

There's also a Christian myth that spins a tale of Satan stomping around the Garden of Eden. Supposedly, garlic sprouted from his left footprint after he, Adam, and Eve were tossed out on their asses. Not totally sure what that has to do with vampires, since it seems more like an explanation why Satan could have benefitted from Tinactin, but stranger associations have been made.

(Okay, this is weird. In researching Athlete's Foot to make the above joke, it turns out garlic is an anti-fungal and is often used as a natural treatment for Athlete's Foot!)

Lard

Because it falls five days before Christmas on the Eastern Orthodox calender, Romanians slaughtered pigs on St. Ignatius Day. (I dearly want to call it "St. Pignatius Day," but I'm afraid of the heavenly ramifications.) They then took the rendered fat and gave "suspicious corpses" a thorough rub-down with it.

The reasoning behind this porcine massage is not clear, but it's just another excuse to keep Fatted Calf bacon on hand.

Vampire Blood

People in Poland believed that if you ate bread made with the blood of a freshly-staked vampire, you'd be protected against vampire attacks. Romanians took it a step further and consumed the entire body. They'd chop up and burn the body of a suspected vampire then mix the ashes with water. This potent potable was drunk by the vampire's surviving family to prevent them from vamping out themselves.

In disturbing news, this vampire vaccine was used to inoculate relatives of a suspected vampire as recently as 2004.

So, there you go. If you're not a fan of the über hickey, make sure you have vampire blood, garlic, salt, lard, and various seeds on your shopping list.