Refreshing smoothies one day…hot tea the next. It's San Francisco, after all, so sundresses and icy drinks enjoy but brief moments of glory. As much as I reveled in salads last week, I'm baking this week to keep our kitchen warm.

All that exuberant sunshine encouraged my little pot of thyme to bolt and bloom. Usually, I snip a sprig here and there, but faced with a sudden bounty, I needed to figure out how to use it all up. I found lovely photos of sugared thyme, with detailed instructions on brushing each sprig with a thin layer of egg white, sprinkling with granulated sugar, and then baking lots of cupcakes for something worthy to garnish. Tempting, yes. Realistic, no.

I already have an entire shelf of flavored vinegars, several old enough to sport their own layers of mother, so that easy solution to excess herbs was out of the question.

Fortunately my old, one-bowl standby -- shortbread cookies -- came to the rescue. I'd made a batch earlier for Robynn's 35th birthday (get it, sweet thyme? Yeah, I had to explain it to her, too.) But as with many things we give away, we often forget to save enough goodness for ourselves. These cookies are staying in my own kitchen, enough of them for me to sweeten my afternoon tea…until the next heat wave arrives.

THYME SHORTBREAD
I actually don't like my own sweets that sweet, so the amount of sugar in this recipe is low. If you prefer, increase the measure of sugar to 1/2 cup. Have fun experimenting with other herbs or spices, such as rosemary, sage, cinnamon, cardamom, or saffron. If you don't have long-grain rice flour (don't use the glutinous kind!) then simply omit and use 2 cups of all-purpose flour.

Makes about 36 shortbread bars.

Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup rice flour
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons fresh thyme leaves
2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
1 egg white, lightly beaten

Preparation:
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. and line a 13x9-inch sheet pan with parchment.

2. Stir together the flour, sugar, and salt. With a fork, cut the butter into the flour mixture just until the dough comes together. Sprinkle in the thyme leaves and continue stirring until the herb is evenly distributed and the dough is smooth.

3. With a flat or offset spatula, press the dough flat into the sheet pan. Score into evenly sized bars with a sharp knife. Brush lightly with egg white, and then prick each cookie two or three times with the tines of a fork.

4. Bake until golden, 15 to 18 minutes. While the bars are still warm, cut along your previous score lines. Slide the cookies with their parchment paper onto a wire rack and let cool completely. They will continue to crisp, and their flavor will be better after one or two days. Store in an airtight tin, sharing most of them with your friends and saving a week's worth for yourself.

Although the calendar says it's only May, it feels more like July this week. My kids are begging to go to the pool every day and I'm craving ice cream. Strawberry ice cream to be specific. Strawberries are in full season in all their sweet glory and what better way to stave off the heat than to indulge in icy cream and fresh berries.

I have often made strawberry ice cream using heavy cream, berries, sugar and not much else. Although these desserts have been creamy and sweet, they were a bit lacking. Without eggs, ice cream just doesn't have the full body and character I'm looking for in my dessert. I have hunted for years for the perfect strawberry ice cream recipe, but most use between 6 and 9 egg yolks. Now I love egg custards (and ice cream made with eggs is essentially just frozen custard), but the more eggs included in a custard, the richer the flavor. Although this can often be a very good thing -- such as with vanilla, pecan or chocolate ice creams -- the richness of too many eggs in custard can detract from the natural sweetness of any fruit you add to it, flattening the flavors. Plus eggs are high in cholesterol and fat, so if I can, I try to avoid them in abundance. What I wanted was a lighter strawberry ice cream with the depth of flavor eggs provide, without overshadowing the strawberries and casting them out of the limelight (or raising my LDL levels).

I recently read a NY Times article that used a pudding recipe for ice cream. The problem is that it uses 8 egg yolks (yes, 8!). I remembered that my pudding recipe is thick and creamy and only uses a couple of eggs, which seemed much more reasonable. I decided to tweak it a little, however, using strawberries instead of chocolate. I also added one extra egg yolk to help bind the ice cream as I was worried the strawberries -- which naturally have a lot of water in them -- would make the custard runny. Heavy cream also seemed a better choice than the whole milk I use in my pudding as this is ice cream we're making, not ice milk. My final alteration was to include some lemon juice and zest to help brighten the strawberry flavors. Finally I plopped everything into the beautiful ice cream maker my husband's aunt bought us a few years ago (thank you Aunt Susie!) with excellent results. The final product had a deep strawberry taste, a rich and creamy texture, and a more complex flavor than the plain cream strawberry ice cream I've made for years. It also allowed the strawberries to star, unlike some custard ice creams I've tried. And best of all, it helped cool us off during this heat wave.

Fresh Strawberry Ice Cream

Makes 4 - 8 servings

Ingredients
3 cups of fresh strawberries (cleaned, hulled and chopped)
½ cup plus 3 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
Zest from one medium lemon
3 large egg yolks
3 Tbsp corn starch
Dash of salt
2 cups heavy cream
1 tsp vanilla extract

Preparation
1. Puree 2 cups of the strawberries with 3 Tbsp sugar and the lemon juice. Cut up the third cup of berries, mix them with the 4th tablespoon of sugar, and set aside.

2. Heat the heavy cream on medium-low until it starts to steam with small bubbles around the edge. Turn off the heat.
3. Whisk egg yolks with ½ cup sugar in a bowl until the mixture is a light yellow color.
4. Add the lemon zest, corn starch, and salt to the egg mixture and whisk thoroughly, making sure there are no lumps.
5. Add about a half cup of the warmed cream to the egg mixture, whisking vigorously to temper the eggs.
6. Add the egg mixture to the cream and incorporate thoroughly.
7. Cook on medium-low just until the mixture starts to bubble. Be sure to frequently stir or the mixture will start to burn at the bottom. I used a whisk, but a spatula would also work.
8. When the mixture becomes thick enough to coat the back of a spoon, turn off the heat and add the strawberry puree.
9. Stir in the vanilla.
10. Chill in an ice bath.
11. Cover with plastic wrap, being sure to let it sit directly on top of the pudding to avoid a skin forming.
12. Refrigerate until fully cooled.
13. Place mixture in your ice cream maker, along with the last cup of berries you set aside in Step 1, and then let it do its thing for about twenty minutes.
14. Place in a container and place in the freezer. Stir every hour or so until firm so it evenly freezes.
15. Serve.

Tips:
1. If you do not have an ice cream maker, you can still make homemade ice cream. David Lebovitz shows you how to make ice cream without a machine.

2. This recipe would also be great using peaches, nectarines, plums, or any other type of berry.

A couple of weeks ago, I met up with my oldest friend in the world to mind her three-year-old while she had her hair cut and dyed. As a reward, she said, she would buy me chocolate. Fine, I thought. I'm not a chocolate freak, so she'd be getting off rather cheaply, in terms of childcare.

Of course, I had no idea what I was in for, chocolate-wise. She took me to Christopher Elbow Artisanal Chocolates, at 401 Hayes Street. This woman has always out-cooled me. Even living in Redwood City with three small children pulling her in as many directions, she manages to know what's going on right under my nose before I can sniff it out. Damn her and bless her, too.

To me, Christopher Elbow sounds like the title character of a children's book. He is either a misunderstood little boy in possession of either highly specialized super powers or, at the very least, a rich and imaginative inner life. As a chocolatier, I have tasted evidence of the latter, but will not entirely rule out the former. I selected only one chocolate to taste, since I wasn't really in the mood for sweets. Port Wine Caramel. I took one bite and a remarkable sensation overtook me for a moment. Talk about a rich inner life...

There is a scene in the the 1971 film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in which Violet Beauregarde, the shapeless, gum-chewing champ, starts in on an Everlasting Gobstopper and says, describing her experience, "It's tomato soup! It's hot and creamy-- I can actually feel it running down my throat!"

That is very much what happened to me when I bit into the caramel. Except I could feel port wine running down my throat instead of tomato soup. And, of course, there was no dramatic change to my organic composition which necessitated my immediate juicing. But I tumesced, just a little.

Squid bought herself a box of nine chocolates ($20.00), which would last her nine nights. One before bedtime, like some sort of luxury sugar pill. I knew I'd be back to do the same. I hope she's not placing them on her pillow in this heat.

Upon my return, I chatted a bit with a nice young woman behind the counter and asked her to pick out some of her favorite chocolates. I added a couple of my own to the mix and had them wrapped to take home so that I might taste them in private, since my prior experience and reaction suggested I proceed with caution.

Before leaving, I needed to sample a bit of drinking chocolate. The young lady suggested her favorite-- the Ginger Caramel Milk Chocolate. I obeyed.

I took my chocolate into the drinking lounge and contemplated my impending sugar coma.

Though I was the sole human in the lounge at the time, it certainly didn't feel, well, loungy. The upright seatbacks and hard surfaces of the armrest/places to put one's beverage seemed to underscore the necessity of bracing myself for the sugar rush that was about to overtake me. The glowing tables unsettled me, reminding me as they did of the Milk Bar in A Clockwork Orange. I find the fact that this place has brought to mind two classic films from 1971 fascinating. Had a high-priced call girl in hot pants and a terrible shag cut sat down to join me, I might have drunk my chocolate faster.

As it happened, I did drink my chocolate too quickly. I ended up inhaling a bit of ground ginger, which provoked an unfortunate little coughing fit. I knew the ginger was there, but I thought it looked pretty and therefore refused to stir it in. It was my fault entirely. I snapped some more photos and left, following someone I can only describe as a crazy, even more childlike Butterfly McQueen down Gough Street. She was exceedingly friendly, stopping to say hello not only to every person she met along the way, but a pair of shutters, and, finally, a hibiscus bush. Selfishly, I did not offer her any chocolate.

When I arrived home with my chocolates, I realized I had neither the time nor the appetite to consume them then and there as I had planned. These were special chocolates-- the kind one might savor while bathing in asses' milk or worry over in a monkey fur bed jacket while digesting the latest gossip from one's maid. They are luxurious and complex. They cry out for a momentary focus of one's attention. They are an expensive mouthful, to be sure, but they are worth every penny, I promise.

Cross my heart and kiss my elbow. Go check it out.

Here are some tasting notes on the one's I've sampled:

Bourbon Pecan-- one might never know there is marzipan lurking inside if one isn't paying attention. Made with Maker's Mark bourbon.

Passion Fruit -- I don't naturally gravitate towards white chocolate, but it serves as a subtle carrier for a caramel so tangy with passion fruit that, if I were slightly more obsessive, I would become obese and diabetic from doing nothing all day but collecting hundreds of these confections, scooping out the caramel, and licking it off a giant antique wooden spoon.

Cabernet-- Chocolate, caramel, and Cabernet Sauvignon. I am not certain which winery supplies the wine for this confection, but I was assured it is a California Cabernet. As with the (sadly missing today) Port Wine chocolate I sampled a couple of weeks ago, I experienced another Miss Beauregarde moment. Happy-making.

Bananas Foster-- Enjoyable, but didn't exactly scream Bananas Foster to me. Perhaps I should have set it on fire.

Banana Curry-- Hot damn. This one is really excellent. Refreshing trickle of heat.

Rosemary-- For some reason, sweets flavored with rosemary often have a subtle and mildly disturbing moldy flavor. This narrowly manages to avoid that sort of unpleasantness. Nice little salt kick at the end.

Strawberry Balsamic-- Fun. And interesting-- the balsamic acidity of the piece is an interesting contrast to the chocolate but, rather than accentuate the strawberry, it obscures it.

Orange Blossom Honey-- Oh my Blossom Dearie. This one totally delivers. Salty caramel that allows the subtle orange blossom notes of the honey to peek through and say hello. I like you, you're nice.

Persian-- Get over any loathing you might have of marzipan. This is a wonderfully complex piece of chocolate. Cardamom? Is that sumac? Do you even have any idea what sumac tastes like? Wonderfully nutty-- blame the marzipan.

Christopher Elbow Artisanal Chocolates
Location: 401 Hayes Street (at Gough) in San Francisco
Telephone: 415-355-1105
Store Hours:

Visit the website for more information:
www.elbowchocolates.com

In late spring when the first cherries would appear at the Dallas farmers' market, my mom would sing her little cherry ditty: "Cherries are ripe..." Granted, it doesn't sound like much—it's only a 3-word phrase—and she did sing it much more often than as an annual welcome to the little stone fruit, but I can't look at cherries anymore without hearing her singsong voice.

Cherries are finally making an appearance at Bay Area farmers' markets, and starting to taste less like watery insipid blobs and more like juicy flavorful sweet little gems.

While I typically like to eat my cherries out of hand, I will eat any fruit baked, especially if it's surrounded by pastry, custard, or cake. So what happens when you merge all three and throw in some cherries? You get a heavenly, crispy-on-the-outside, custardy on the inside, pancakey Cherry Oven Pancake.

Modeled after the German apple oven pancake (also known as a Dutch baby), this incredibly easy, impressive dessert is as much science experiment as it is full-on delicious. Into the oven goes a thin batter, and out comes a big puffy surprise. Make sure you call your kids, your guests, or at least your dog in to see it as you pull it from the oven so they will be in awe of your culinary prowess.

Cherry Oven Pancake

Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:
3 eggs
1 cup whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 cup flour
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
2 cups cherries, pitted
1/4 cup sliced almonds (optional)
Powdered sugar, maple syrup, or lemon wedges for serving

Preparation:
1. Preheat the oven to 450F. Puree the eggs, milk, vanilla, salt, and sugar in a blender until smooth. Add the flour, and puree again until smooth.

2. Over medium heat, melt the butter in a 10-inch cast iron pan and warm just until it starts to brown, then add the dark brown sugar, and stir with a wooden spoon until it starts to melt. Add the cherries and sauté until they start to release their juices, about 1 minute.

3. Turn off the heat and pour the batter into the pan. If you are using the almonds, sprinkle them evenly over the top of the batter. Quickly place the pan in the oven. Reduce the heat to 425F and bake until puffed and golden, about 20 minutes.

4. Sprinkle with powdered sugar or serve with maple syrup or a squeeze of lemon.

As the weather warms up it's prime time for outdoor festivals. Head to Ghirardelli Square for sipping wine at the third annual Uncorked Wine Festival or to Golden Gate Park for shucking oysters at the ninth annual San Francisco Oyster Fest. Better yet, enjoy both!

Ghirardelli Square hosts Uncorked! in partnership with COPIA, the American Center for Wine, Food & Arts located in Napa. Uncorked provides an opportunity to taste, learn and experience wine and gourmet food from throughout Northern California. Highlights include a food and wine pairing seminar, sensory wine class and chef demonstration ($10 fee). Check out the schedule online.

What: Uncorked! Wine Festival
Cost: Tickets are $40 and include unlimited wine tastings from over 50 wineries and a souvenir glass
When: May 17th 1 - 6 pm
Where: Ghirardelli Square, 900 North Point St, San Francisco
How: Purchase tickets online

The San Francisco Oyster Fest celebrates that classic combination of oysters and stout and features a great selection of contemporary live music. A wide variety of other beverages will also be available, ranging from beers, wines to premium spirits and though oysters are the main focus of the festival many other culinary choices will be offered. Festival events including the Shuck and Suck Competition, Oyster History Exhibition and Oyster Cooking Demonstrations.

What: San Francisco Oyster Fest
Cost: Tickets are $20 for a 1 day pass or $35 for a 2 day pass
When: May 17th - 18th, 12 - 7, gates open at 11
Where: Great Meadow at Fort Mason, San Francisco
How: Purchase tickets online

With the temps being on the chillier side these days, I was about to get all Dylan on yo' ass and announce, "If you wanta have a picnic, that's up t' you. But don't tell me about it, I don't wanta hear it, 'Cause, see, I just lost all m' picnic spirit. Stay in m' kitchen, have m' own picnic!" However, starting tomorrow the Bay Area mercury is going to fever up to the 80s, so it's finally time to slap on the SPF 30, grab some grub and a stadium blanket, and leave the San Franciscan layers at home.

Now, whether you pack cold fried chicken or lentil salad, whether you opt for a market-worn canvas tote or a full-loaded picnic basket, or whether you go to the beach or spread out in Golden Gate Park, I'm here to tell you about five indispensable picnic tools I can't do without.

Opinel No. 9 carbon steel pocket knife: I used to bring my trusty, fifteen-year-old Swiss Army knife on picnics, but as much as I loved the cunningly stored plastic toothpick, my old backpacking tool just wasn't picnic practical. Gunk and crumbs got jammed in every crevice, and I never seemed to use any tool other than the corkscrew. Furthermore, both blades dulled quickly and I bent back way too many nails just trying to pull the bottle opener out!

Once my husband got this classic, French folding knife for Christmas, we realized it was just what we needed for any and all of our cheese slicing, sausage cutting, or radish slivering. The carbon steel blade takes eons to dull and the entire knife wonderfully lightweight. Over one hundred years old, these knives are as brilliant as they are beautiful. ($12.55) (I might have to take up foraging just to have an excuse to buy the super special mushroom knife. But that's another post.)

GSI Lexan® Wineglasses: Elegant, stackable, and lightweight, I simply adore these wineglasses. I stumbled upon them at REI and couldn't get over their brilliance. In fact, I might have to go back for the corresponding Champagne flutes. ($5.95 per glass)

Small Wooden Cutting Board: Lightweight and packable, mine measures 10x10, but Crate and Barrel has some even smaller than that. ($8.95)

L'Occitane Verbena Towelettes: Isn't progress a wonderful thing? I remember when the only choice we had for après picnic clean-up reminded me way too much of changing my little sister's diapers. Thank god L'Occitane stepped in with their version of wipes, which they call "towelettes," thus elevating the product even further. French and herbalicious, the towelettes clean, refresh, and aromatherapize you as you lie in the sun and digest your wine and cheese. You can also get lavender flavored ones and they even repel mosquitoes! ($8.00 for a pack of fifteen densely packed towelettes.)

Swiss Spice salt and pepper shaker: Sleek, refillable, and humid-proof, this combined salt and pepper shaker is as adorable as it is useful. It packs flat -- unlike my old Morton favorites, which are decidedly not moisture resistant -- and is just so darn adorable. ($16.00)

Teaching kids to eat and drink healthfully requires much more than admonitions. After carting away the vending machines and abolishing the Big Gulps, we can't leave the kids empty-handed. Rachelle Boucher from Generation Chefs is working hard to fill the void. From the popular Pizza Smack-Downs at COPIA to her weekly cooking classes (free to high school students) in the beautifully outfitted kitchen at the Marin Youth Center (MYC a.k.a. "Mike") she's bringing fresh, whole, homemade food generously flavored with reaffirming messages and lots of common sense to a wide and diverse group of kids.


A visit to one of her cooking classes reveals her consummate skill in converting teens to the cause of healthy eating. Endowed with humor, warmth, and endless energy, she's a master of choreographing 25 wary bundles of apathy and hormones into productive teams of excited, skilled, fruit-and vegetable-loving cooks.

Rachelle hefts up 20 pounds of refined sugar so the kids can see how much the average American teenager consumes every six weeks.

Her class this past week highlighted our favorite fruit of the season--strawberries--along with one very shiny, red bike blender. The lesson for the day involved putting down sugary drinks and sipping fruit smoothies instead. In addition to fresh strawberries, melons, and bananas, the teen chefs could choose from a colorful array of juices, frozen fruit, yogurts, and natural flavorings. Most importantly, they learned that not a single grain of added sugar was needed to create a delicious drink.

A rainbow of sweet goodness just before the pedal action.

Mike Graham-Squire from the Youth Leadership Institute joined the class to show the teens how to select ingredients, calculate food costs, determine servings sizes and overall yield, and--most importantly of all--operate the bike blender. As representatives of schools and local community organizations, the kids were also learning how smoothies can be a healthful, interactive, and effective fundraising tool at large events.

From the Country of Marin's Nutrition Wellness Program, nutritionist Ellen Szakal taught the class how to read product labels to determine the number of teaspoons of sugar in each serving. A chart listing their favorite snacks and a hands--on exercise counting out a disconcertingly large pile of sugar cubes helped them understand just how much unnecessary sugar they were consuming each day.

It's a skill adults could use, too.

Calculating How Much Sugar Is In A Container
Looking at the Nutrition Facts label on the side of the package, find the number of grams of sugar. Then divide that number by 4. For example, ingesting 65 grams of sugar in a 20-ounce drink bottle (considered 1 serving) means swallowing 17 individual teaspoons of sugar.

So much youthful energy, it takes extra hands to hold the jar still.

Berkeley-based Juice Peddler sells kits for retrofitting bikes to become human-powered blenders. From the first-generation's endearingly clunky tricycle platform and antique hand-drill to the fifth-generation's sleek, high-density polyethylene design, the company has been at the forefront of DIY bike blender technology.

The kids took turns pedaling their fruit concoctions and proudly shared tastes of their icy treats with other teams. Lined up for judging, the smoothies created a rainbow of delicious fun: Monkey Melons, Fruit-A-Palooza, Pink Panther, Go Mango, Fruit-A-Licious, and Pink-A-Licous Strawberry.

I'm glad I didn't have to judge, as it would have been a tough call to pick just one winner.

Sammy and Brittney confer on the formulation of their team's smoothie.

Pinkalicious Strawberry Smoothie
The members of Team Pinkalicious decided to celebrate the happy coincidence of their clothing colors with an appropriately hued smoothie.

Serves: 6

Ingredients
10 ounces strawberries, hulled
1 banana, chopped
1 cup frozen berry medley
1/2 cup yogurt
1/4 cup orange mango juice concentrate

Preparation
1. Place all ingredients in the jar of a blender.
2. Blend until completely mixed.
3. Serve immediately.

Minted Strawberry Agua Fresca
Another excellent recipe from Generation Chefs that highlights the current season's bumper crop.

Serves: 6

Ingredients
2 cups ice cubes
3 cups strawberries, hulled
2 small mint leaves, optional
1 1/2 cups cold water
1 1/2 tablespoons fresh lime or lemon juice
3 tablespoons sugar, or to taste
6 whole strawberries, split 3/4 up from the point, for garnish
6 mint sprigs, for garnish

Preparation
1. Place all ingredients in a blender in the order listed.
2. Blend until completely mixed. Taste and adjust for sweetness or tartness as desired.
3. Pour into chilled glasses, garnish with mint sprigs, and slide a berry onto the rim of each glass.

As a kid, the only green vegetable I willingly let into my mouth without making faces and disgusting noises was the artichoke. Knowing what I know now about the seasonality and regionality of food, I'm pretty impressed that my mother was able to get her hands on artichokes in Minnesota all those years ago. As a born and bred Californian, my mother loved artichokes just as much as we did. That said, I think she was motivated to stop the retchings, gaggings, and death rattles at the dinner table more than anything else.

I grew up scraping my eager teeth across the "strip the leaves and dip them in hot melted butter" globe variety, and it wasn't until I moved out to California that I really had any experience with delectable baby artichokes. These little suckers are now in season, but if you don't know how to strip and cook them, they can end up tough and bitter.

You want the leaves to be tightly closed. The more open the leaves are, the more likely they are to have a choke.

The stems of artichokes are just as delicious as the artichokes themselves, but the tougher outer skin should be stripped down. Using a very sharp paring knife, carefully peel off the layer.

This is what a clean stem looks like.

Snap off all the outer leaves until you get down to the tender pale green/yellow leaves.

Trim off the top of the leaves and cut the artichoke in half lengthwise.

Because artichokes start to brown (oxidize) the moment you cut them, toss them in a bowl of acidulated water. That is, water that has lemon juice squeezed into it.

Sauteed Spring Artichokes

Serves 2 as a side dish

Ingredients:
2-3 tablespoons olive oil
Spring onions, thinly sliced
1 lb baby artichokes
1/4 cup water
Juice from 1/4 lemon
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper

Preparation:
1. Heat the oil in a high-sided saucepan over medium heat. Add the onions, raise the heat to medium-high, and sauté the onions for about 2-3 minutes.

2. Add the artichokes, stirring to coat with the olive oil. Splash in the water and lemon juice and cover the pan. Stirring every so often, simmer until the base of the artichokes are tender when pierced with the tip of a knife, about 10 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste and serve.

Serving Ideas:
You can serve these artichokes as a side dish just as they are or with a little Fiore Sardo grated on top, but I also like to combine them with farro and snipped chives, with pasta, or with roasted potatoes.

Well, God Bless America, it's Kate Smith! I've recently been given a book of her favorite recipes called, of all things, Kate Smith's Favorite Recipes.

If you know anything at all about me, or even care to, you know that I am fascinated with celebrities. Not the new ones so much--I prefer the dead ones. I couldn't care less about Miley Cyrus, unless she has something to do with that restaurant in Healdsburg I've been wanting to visit. Or Clay Aiken and his scary new look. No, young, pablum-spewing singers are not my cup of tea. Give me an old, dead, pablum-spewer any day of the week.

Like Kate Smith. Now there was a singer. The Songbird of the South. Remember the song "God Bless America?" Ah, you do know who the hell she was. She had a big voice, a big heart, and an even bigger stomach.


And biggest of all was her radio program, as one might imagine from the overuse of exclamation marks:

Grand Baking News

Millions of Americans tuned in to hear her from 1931 to 1947--the year everyone basically started to tire of both the radio and Kate Smith. Fortunately, at the height of her popularity, she found time in her busy schedule to write a cookbook of her favorite recipes--all conveniently containing Calumet Baking Powder and Swan's Down Cake Flour (the two primary sponsors of her show), which might explain why there isn't one recipe for pie listed. Perhaps it was this very book that single-handedly killed the pie-baking spirit of the American Housewife. Just think about that for a moment and remember--you heard it here first.

But she did love to bake. And Eat. And who doesn't? These bathing beauties the art director cleverly huddled around Miss Smith certainly look interested.

And so was I, naturally, because it's been a while since I've made a man rave (see: copy below). I thought I'd follow the advice of an expert.

I chose to make Grape-Nuts Bread because I figured no man in his right mind could eat such a thing and not rave.

Grape-Nuts Bread

Grape-Nuts was also a sponsor of Kate Smith's radio program. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any Postum's Fake Coffee (yet another sponsor) to drink along side it. I chose to make this not-so-sweet loaf out of respect for Miss Smith--she lost a leg and eventually died from diabetes. It is a rather heavy concoction, not unlike the Songbird herself. It's hearty and oddly satisfying, especially when toasted and struck with great lashings of butter.

Here is the recipe exactly as written:

Ingredients:

2 cups milk, scalded
1 cup Grape-Nuts
3 cups sifted flour
4 teaspoons Calumet Baking Powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cups sugar
1 egg, well beaten
3 tablespoons melted butter or other shortening

Preparation:

Pour milk over Grape-Nuts; cool. Sift flour once, measure, and add baking powder, salt, and sugar, and sift again. Add egg and shortening to Grape-Nuts mixture and stir well; add flour mixture, stirring only enough to dampen all flour. Turn into a greased loaf pan, 9x4x3 inches; let stand 20 minutes. Bake in moderate oven (350° F.) 1 hour and 20 minutes, or until done. Bread should be stored overnight to cut easily in thin slices.

Grape-Nuts Fruit Bread. Increase salt to 1 1⁄2 teaspoons in above recipe; add 1 tablespoon grated orange or lemon rind and 1 cup currants, chopped raisins, or finely cut prunes to Grape-Nuts-egg-fat mixture.

How's that for semi-colon use?

Makes one loaf.

And, yes, I know what you're thinking. You still haven't seen Miss Smith performing. You still don't know what all the fuss was about, so I'll leave you with something very, very special-- a Salute to the Beatles Miss Smith performed on the Cher Show (after the divorce--no Sonny) with, of course, Cher, and Tina Turner.

I firmly believe this specific performance was the coup de grâce for a once-beloved genre--the Prime Time Variety Show. Enjoy.

Kate Smith--murderess of both the American Variety Show and American Pie. She may have been, in her sweet, Southern way, the Kremlin's most effective secret weapon against us ever. Think about that for a moment and remember--you heard it here first.

I have a confession to make. For a couple of weeks in April, I allowed my daughters to place a little bag of Doritos in their lunch boxes. Many people will think I'm ridiculous for feeling this is something to confess to, but I know a lot of you out there struggle with the same feelings I have about junk food. I never thought I'd feed my kids processed food, but after a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that a few Doritos were actually good for them.

Okay, they're not good for their health or digestive system (obviously), but they may just be good for their general ideas about food and food consumption. Many people will disagree with this statement, but hear me out.

When I first started packing my daughters' lunches in Kindergarten, I would include organic yogurt, tofu bologna and turkey sandwiches, apples slices or strawberries, cheese, and a slew of other healthy choices. They devoured these meals, each day returning with empty lunch boxes and happy faces. In first grade, they started to tell me about other kids' lunches. They started to become very opinionated about the visual buffet before them each lunch period. I got some ideas from the other moms, such as sending miso soup in a thermos and chopping up fresh mozzarella cheese with grape tomatoes for a side salad. Meanwhile, my daughters started to question the lunches some of their schoolmates brought each day. Why did some kids get bright orange chips in a bag while they never did, and what were those yellow plastic lunch trays with pizza and nachos in them (the answer was Lunchables, a mass-produced Kraft product advertised to look fun, with it's own game site marketed to unwitting kids)?

I explained what these things were, noting that everyone's food choices were a personal matter best discussed in their own families, while also making it clear that those food choices weren't mine. Meanwhile, I continued with my own school-lunch repertoire and thought all was fine and good until my daughters started reporting on who had "unhealthy" lunches. I quickly found out who had Lunchables, who had Ding Dongs, and who had Doritos in their backpacks. I started to feel uncomfortable with the sanctimonious tone my daughters used when ratting out their peers, and cringed when one said that my lunches were healthy because I loved them (which seemed to imply the kids with Lunchables were unloved).

And then, early this year, one of my daughters repeatedly told me about a few girls who would dangle Doritos in front of her face each day. When she told me about this, she said she wouldn't want the Doritos anyway because they weren't good for her, but I could see how much she wished she could eat just one of those bright orange chips. She was saying what she thought I wanted hear (that Doritos were bad), but inwardly craving the junk food she was seeing in other kids' lunches. When I asked her to honestly tell me if she wanted some, she admitted she did.

My first instinct was to say "too bad," but then I decided that at 7 ½, she was old enough to be an active participant in her own food choices. I was also concerned that in my attempts to give my daughters a nutritious energy-filled meal at school and speak honestly with them about nutrition, I had instead somehow equated homemade sandwiches and cut up vegetables and fruit with being "good," while at the same time transforming junk food into a "forbidden fruit." I began to wonder if one day, maybe in high school or college, they would rebel by gorging themselves on Twinkies and Cap'n Crunch.

I was also concerned that I was raising them in a bubble of food elitism, where we were smug locavores and everyone who ate otherwise was gastronomically bankrupt. Even worse, they seemed completely ignorant of the fact that healthy food is simply more expensive than processed food, and that much of the world is striving to get enough food to eat at all, let alone organic and locally raised. As I didn't want to get into a prolonged discussion about the farm bill with my two 7-year olds, I thought that in addition to trying to inform them about food with age-appropriate discussions, I would also help them learn to make their own nutritional decisions. Let them eat cake (or rather processed chips), while telling them what's in them (i.e., why they are such a bright orange and why they taste different than regular corn chips). They're smart girls and I thought it was time for them to start thinking about this stuff on their own.

It was through this reasoning that I found myself buying a box of small bagged Doritos. I looked at my daughters in the grocery store aisle and said, "So, is this what you really want in your lunch?" Both looked at me wide-eyed. "Yes. We really really want them," they yelled with huge smiles. As I placed the Doritos into my cart, I tried not to frown. I hated buying this crap for my kids, but I also didn't want to create little eaters who feel superior about their cut red peppers while longingly eyeing other kids snacks. By taking away the stigma of processed foods, I was hoping to also take away the allure. I was hoping that the road to a lifetime of loving vegetables and slow food just might start with a small bag of Doritos once or twice a week.

Has anyone else out there struggled with their kid's desire to have junk food? If so, how did you handle it?

Update: I included the Doritos in my daughters' lunches for about two weeks. I never asked them if they wanted them. They had to initiate putting the bags in their lunch boxes themselves. This week, however, they seem to have forgotten that those little red bags even exist. When making their lunches in the morning, we have included the normal peanut butter and jam sandwiches, yogurt, cut up fruit and homemade popcorn, along with other standard choices. No one has asked for Doritos or even acknowledged that they're sitting in the pantry. I'm hoping that by making then accessible, they're no longer so appealing and therefore ancient history.