Macaulay Culkin Serves Up Pizza Punk Trend Already Started by Bay Area Band
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Music blogs have been heating up all winter long with talk of new pizza projects from seasoned pros and musical novices alike. In mid-December, alt-rockers the Foo Fighters treated patrons of Moorpark, California’s Rock 'n' Roll Pizza to \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvJQAOm9yOE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">a two and a half hour set\u003c/a> (their first gig since October 2012). With the Foos’ performance coming just days after the announcement of child-star turned joke-rocker Macaulay Culkin’s new pizza-centric musical project, we have to wonder if Mac inspired the Foos to hop on the pizza train.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">[contextly_sidebar id=\"af1d854392a348bf20dfb28dae8e1dd4\"]Oh, you didn’t hear? Macaulay Culkin is back on the scene with a brand new pizza-themed Lou Reed/Velvet Underground cover band. That’s right; let that sink in. We can’t be sure if the plan for the band was hatched before or after the Velvet Underground's iconic frontman, Lou Reed, passed away. But \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pzm1lQX0qU\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">we can be sure that Mac is no stranger to mixing pizza with art\u003c/a>... and let’s just assume that when Culkin emancipated himself from his money-hungry parents in 1996 at age 16, his diet consisted largely of pizza (this seems like a reasonable guess to me).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">We can all imagine the scenario that inspired the pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band: you’re sitting around with pals, late at night, when someone gets the brilliant idea to change all the lyrics to Lou Reed songs to be about pizza. “Ya know, like 'Take a Bite of the Wild Slice!,'\" some clever pal shouts. Somehow, the eruption of laughter turns into serious motivation. And the songs practically write themselves (because they have already been written)! Turning silly ideas into reality is what celebrities are great at, so Culkin and his cohorts headed to Mac’s house to record the creatively named \u003ca href=\"http://thepizzaunderground.bandcamp.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pizza Underground’s first demo\u003c/a>. You can purchase this for as little as $1.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgIEdaOHryc\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Pizza Underground, or “PU” as I call them, unleashed their cheesy tunes to a bar full of raucous Brooklynites, all hopped up on the free pizza and orange soda that circulated the room (you have the chance to relive this when \u003ca href=\"http://www.ticketfly.com/event/453123\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">they play San Francisco on March 5th\u003c/a>). And of course they had fans at their first “show” (it was an 8-minute performance, where the band mimicked the Velvet Underground’s traditional black-on-black style). As the \u003cem>Daily Beast’s\u003c/em> \u003ca href=\"http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/12/14/the-pizza-underground-review-eight-minutes-at-macaulay-culkin-s-pizza-party.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Caitlin Dickson put it\u003c/a>, “what culturally-conscious Brooklyn 20 or 30-something \u003cem>wouldn’t\u003c/em> stand outside in 35 degrees to catch a glimpse of Kevin McAllister singing pizza-themed adaptations of songs they’ve been listening to on Spotify ever since Lou Reed died?\" By mid-December, it seemed like the Pizza Underground was on top of the world, but as it turns out, Mac’s \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/verymuchso/the-13-cheesiest-songs-about-pizza\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">not the first person to sing about pizza\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Example:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIt2CdbBo_w\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">As word of Culkin and Co.’s \"hilarious\" pizza-punk concept made its way westward, pioneering pizza punx and Bay Area tough guys, \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/personalandthepizzas\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Personal and the Pizzas\u003c/a>, rolled up their sleeves and prepared for a fight. You see, Personal and the Pizzas have been serving up hot tracks dripping with delectable pizza puns since 2010 and haven’t received even a small slice of big attention for it. The main difference being that Personal and the Pizzas made up their songs all by themselves (which I guess makes them slightly harder to know than songs that have been circulating since the '70s). Oh, and they aren’t famous child stars, which, at least in this scenario, seems to put them at a disadvantage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.emusic.com/17dots/2013/12/12/personal-the-pizzas-fire-back-at-macaulay-culkins-pizza-themed-velvet-underground-cover-band/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">eMusic reached out\u003c/a> to the Bay Area bad boys for their reaction to Culkin’s wayfarer-wearing, wannabe beatnik band. Not surprisingly, Personal had some heated words for Culkin and his cronies:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">“First we’re gonna kill em!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">THEN! we’re gonna sue em!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">DONT MESS WITH THE F**KIN’ PIZZAS, PR*CK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">I CAN REED MOTHERF**KER\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">I CAN REED.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Kill first, sue later, got it. And Personal is right; he can Reed. I can Reed, too. We all can because Reed already Reed-ed before us. Still, threats of death and lawsuits and claims of unoriginality can’t keep the Party Monster down. PU marches on, \u003ca href=\"http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2014/jan/07/pizza-underground-macaulay-culkin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">releasing a new music video\u003c/a> which features a Macaulay Culkin kazoo solo. Though the video has been removed from YouTube due to a copyright claim from EMI, It looks like this little joke is far from over and thus the battle rages on for this most lovable pizza-centric band.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Call me a purist, but I like my pizza-punk fresh and local and my Lou Reed tunes performed by Lou Reed. For me, it’s a no-brainer, Personal and the Pizzas voted #1 in quality and schtick. Where do your pizza band loyalties lie?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1xG8oU3HUQ\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Looks like Macualay Culkin's pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band aren't the only ones who love pizza enough to sing about it. Meet the Bay Area's Personal and the Pizzas!","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1638473000,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":4,"wordCount":886},"headData":{"title":"Macaulay Culkin Serves Up Pizza Punk Trend Already Started by Bay Area Band - KQED Pop","description":"Looks like Macualay Culkin's pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band aren't the only ones who love pizza enough to sing about it. Meet the Bay Area's Personal and the Pizzas!","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"10603 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=10603","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2014/01/16/macaulay-culkin-serves-up-a-pizza-punk-trend-already-started-by-bay-area-band-pizza-underground/","disqusTitle":"Macaulay Culkin Serves Up Pizza Punk Trend Already Started by Bay Area Band","templateType":"standard","featuredImageType":"standard","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","path":"/pop/10603/macaulay-culkin-serves-up-a-pizza-punk-trend-already-started-by-bay-area-band-pizza-underground","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2014/01/16/macaulay-culkin-serves-up-a-pizza-punk-trend-already-started-by-bay-area-band-pizza-underground/1-pizza/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10609\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-10609 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2014/01/1-Pizza.gif\" alt=\"1-Pizza\" width=\"516\" height=\"345\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Pizza and music go together like parties and fun, so it’s no surprise that pizza-themed music has been snagging headlines as of late. Music blogs have been heating up all winter long with talk of new pizza projects from seasoned pros and musical novices alike. In mid-December, alt-rockers the Foo Fighters treated patrons of Moorpark, California’s Rock 'n' Roll Pizza to \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvJQAOm9yOE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">a two and a half hour set\u003c/a> (their first gig since October 2012). With the Foos’ performance coming just days after the announcement of child-star turned joke-rocker Macaulay Culkin’s new pizza-centric musical project, we have to wonder if Mac inspired the Foos to hop on the pizza train.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>Oh, you didn’t hear? Macaulay Culkin is back on the scene with a brand new pizza-themed Lou Reed/Velvet Underground cover band. That’s right; let that sink in. We can’t be sure if the plan for the band was hatched before or after the Velvet Underground's iconic frontman, Lou Reed, passed away. But \u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pzm1lQX0qU\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">we can be sure that Mac is no stranger to mixing pizza with art\u003c/a>... and let’s just assume that when Culkin emancipated himself from his money-hungry parents in 1996 at age 16, his diet consisted largely of pizza (this seems like a reasonable guess to me).\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">We can all imagine the scenario that inspired the pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band: you’re sitting around with pals, late at night, when someone gets the brilliant idea to change all the lyrics to Lou Reed songs to be about pizza. “Ya know, like 'Take a Bite of the Wild Slice!,'\" some clever pal shouts. Somehow, the eruption of laughter turns into serious motivation. And the songs practically write themselves (because they have already been written)! Turning silly ideas into reality is what celebrities are great at, so Culkin and his cohorts headed to Mac’s house to record the creatively named \u003ca href=\"http://thepizzaunderground.bandcamp.com/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Pizza Underground’s first demo\u003c/a>. You can purchase this for as little as $1.\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/GgIEdaOHryc'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/GgIEdaOHryc'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Pizza Underground, or “PU” as I call them, unleashed their cheesy tunes to a bar full of raucous Brooklynites, all hopped up on the free pizza and orange soda that circulated the room (you have the chance to relive this when \u003ca href=\"http://www.ticketfly.com/event/453123\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">they play San Francisco on March 5th\u003c/a>). And of course they had fans at their first “show” (it was an 8-minute performance, where the band mimicked the Velvet Underground’s traditional black-on-black style). As the \u003cem>Daily Beast’s\u003c/em> \u003ca href=\"http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/12/14/the-pizza-underground-review-eight-minutes-at-macaulay-culkin-s-pizza-party.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Caitlin Dickson put it\u003c/a>, “what culturally-conscious Brooklyn 20 or 30-something \u003cem>wouldn’t\u003c/em> stand outside in 35 degrees to catch a glimpse of Kevin McAllister singing pizza-themed adaptations of songs they’ve been listening to on Spotify ever since Lou Reed died?\" By mid-December, it seemed like the Pizza Underground was on top of the world, but as it turns out, Mac’s \u003ca href=\"http://www.buzzfeed.com/verymuchso/the-13-cheesiest-songs-about-pizza\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">not the first person to sing about pizza\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Example:\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/SIt2CdbBo_w'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/SIt2CdbBo_w'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">As word of Culkin and Co.’s \"hilarious\" pizza-punk concept made its way westward, pioneering pizza punx and Bay Area tough guys, \u003ca href=\"https://www.facebook.com/personalandthepizzas\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Personal and the Pizzas\u003c/a>, rolled up their sleeves and prepared for a fight. You see, Personal and the Pizzas have been serving up hot tracks dripping with delectable pizza puns since 2010 and haven’t received even a small slice of big attention for it. The main difference being that Personal and the Pizzas made up their songs all by themselves (which I guess makes them slightly harder to know than songs that have been circulating since the '70s). Oh, and they aren’t famous child stars, which, at least in this scenario, seems to put them at a disadvantage.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.emusic.com/17dots/2013/12/12/personal-the-pizzas-fire-back-at-macaulay-culkins-pizza-themed-velvet-underground-cover-band/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">eMusic reached out\u003c/a> to the Bay Area bad boys for their reaction to Culkin’s wayfarer-wearing, wannabe beatnik band. Not surprisingly, Personal had some heated words for Culkin and his cronies:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">“First we’re gonna kill em!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">THEN! we’re gonna sue em!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">DONT MESS WITH THE F**KIN’ PIZZAS, PR*CK.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">I CAN REED MOTHERF**KER\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">I CAN REED.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\">Kill first, sue later, got it. And Personal is right; he can Reed. I can Reed, too. We all can because Reed already Reed-ed before us. Still, threats of death and lawsuits and claims of unoriginality can’t keep the Party Monster down. PU marches on, \u003ca href=\"http://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2014/jan/07/pizza-underground-macaulay-culkin\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">releasing a new music video\u003c/a> which features a Macaulay Culkin kazoo solo. Though the video has been removed from YouTube due to a copyright claim from EMI, It looks like this little joke is far from over and thus the battle rages on for this most lovable pizza-centric band.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Call me a purist, but I like my pizza-punk fresh and local and my Lou Reed tunes performed by Lou Reed. For me, it’s a no-brainer, Personal and the Pizzas voted #1 in quality and schtick. Where do your pizza band loyalties lie?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/B1xG8oU3HUQ'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/B1xG8oU3HUQ'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/10603/macaulay-culkin-serves-up-a-pizza-punk-trend-already-started-by-bay-area-band-pizza-underground","authors":["2438"],"categories":["pop_7","pop_4"],"tags":["pop_1326","pop_798","pop_1455","pop_1456","pop_1457"],"featImg":"pop_10638","label":"pop"},"pop_10304":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_10304","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"10304","score":null,"sort":[1387842956000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid","title":"What Home Alone Taught Every '90s Kid","publishDate":1387842956,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10336\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10336\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone.jpg\" alt=\"home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chances are that if you have a pulse and aren't in solitary confinement somewhere, you'll be watching \u003cem>Home Alone\u003c/em> this holiday season (if you haven't already). The tale of an abandoned child who taps into his dormant sociopathic tendancies to battle a couple of hapless burglars is a classic and most children of the 1990s will attest to learning major life lessons from the John Hughes film. What kind of life lessons? I'm glad you asked:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/buzz-pizza/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10313\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10313\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/buzz-pizza.gif\" alt=\"buzz-pizza\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Pizza is the only food group.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/french/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10311\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10311\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/french.gif\" alt=\"home alone incompetents\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">People who took French in high school are rude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca style=\"font-size: 13px;line-height: 19px\" href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/tumblr_my355ppixw1qki66fo3_500/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10309\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-10309 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/tumblr_my355pPixw1qki66fo3_500.png\" alt=\"Photo: Tumblr\" width=\"500\" height=\"284\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/tumblr_my355pPixw1qki66fo3_500.png 500w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/tumblr_my355pPixw1qki66fo3_500-400x227.png 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/family/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10314\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10314\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/family.gif\" alt=\"family\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\"> Bullying starts at home.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/sleep-in/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10315\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10315\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/sleep-in.gif\" alt=\"sleep-in\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\"> You're never too old to oversleep on the most important days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/furnace/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10316\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10316\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/furnace.gif\" alt=\"furnace\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Basements should be avoided at all costs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-rage/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10317\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10317\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-rage.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-rage\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">You only live once so a good rage session is always a good idea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-junk/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10335\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10335\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-junk-.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-junk-\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\n\u003c/p>\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsG57N-SJv4/UrdxrC1jg3I/AAAAAAAADOE/Xa1AZ_ozgfI/s1600/tumblr_m8zcusHPrm1qcfkvwo1_500.gif\">Treat yo'self.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-woof/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10319\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10319\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-woof.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-woof\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Always insist that you're photographed on your good side.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10326\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/no-home-alone.gif\" alt=\"no-home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">No means no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/customer-service-home-alone/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10327\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10327\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/customer-service-home-alone.gif\" alt=\"customer-service-home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Only get into customer service if you are an expert compartmentalizer and have a top tier fake smile.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-grocery-bag/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10328\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10328\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-grocery-bag.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-grocery-bag\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Never go to the grocery store hungry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/car-accident-home-alone/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10329\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10329\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/car-accident-home-alone.gif\" alt=\"car-accident-home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Look both ways.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/scared-in-bed/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10331\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10331\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/scared-in-bed.gif\" alt=\"scared-in-bed\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">The safest place in the world is under the covers of your parents' bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">But perhaps the biggest lesson of all is that men over 60 are crap-your-pants scary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10332\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10332\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-2.gif\" alt=\"old-man-2\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10312\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10312\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man.gif\" alt=\"old-man\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-4/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10325\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10325\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-4.gif\" alt=\"old-man-4\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-3/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10330\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10330\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-3.gif\" alt=\"old-man-3\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-5/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10324\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10324\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-5.gif\" alt=\"old-man-5\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">That's all for this walk down nostalgia lane. Macaulay Culkin and I wish you a happy holiday! Bye!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/bai/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10323\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10323\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/bai.gif\" alt=\"bai\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"It's Christmas time, which means that you will most likely be watching Home Alone for the 89th time. Here are the major life lessons we all learned from the movie.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1421795122,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":18,"wordCount":231},"headData":{"title":"What Home Alone Taught Every '90s Kid | KQED","description":"It's Christmas time, which means that you will most likely be watching Home Alone for the 89th time. Here are the major life lessons we all learned from the movie.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"10304 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=10304","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/","disqusTitle":"What Home Alone Taught Every '90s Kid","path":"/pop/10304/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10336\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10336\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone.jpg\" alt=\"home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-400x225.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Chances are that if you have a pulse and aren't in solitary confinement somewhere, you'll be watching \u003cem>Home Alone\u003c/em> this holiday season (if you haven't already). The tale of an abandoned child who taps into his dormant sociopathic tendancies to battle a couple of hapless burglars is a classic and most children of the 1990s will attest to learning major life lessons from the John Hughes film. What kind of life lessons? I'm glad you asked:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/buzz-pizza/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10313\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10313\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/buzz-pizza.gif\" alt=\"buzz-pizza\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Pizza is the only food group.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/french/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10311\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10311\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/french.gif\" alt=\"home alone incompetents\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">People who took French in high school are rude.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca style=\"font-size: 13px;line-height: 19px\" href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/tumblr_my355ppixw1qki66fo3_500/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10309\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-10309 aligncenter\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/tumblr_my355pPixw1qki66fo3_500.png\" alt=\"Photo: Tumblr\" width=\"500\" height=\"284\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/tumblr_my355pPixw1qki66fo3_500.png 500w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/tumblr_my355pPixw1qki66fo3_500-400x227.png 400w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/family/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10314\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10314\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/family.gif\" alt=\"family\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\"> Bullying starts at home.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/sleep-in/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10315\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10315\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/sleep-in.gif\" alt=\"sleep-in\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\"> You're never too old to oversleep on the most important days.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/furnace/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10316\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10316\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/furnace.gif\" alt=\"furnace\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Basements should be avoided at all costs.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-rage/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10317\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10317\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-rage.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-rage\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">You only live once so a good rage session is always a good idea.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-junk/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10335\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10335\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-junk-.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-junk-\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\n\u003c/p>\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CsG57N-SJv4/UrdxrC1jg3I/AAAAAAAADOE/Xa1AZ_ozgfI/s1600/tumblr_m8zcusHPrm1qcfkvwo1_500.gif\">Treat yo'self.\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-woof/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10319\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10319\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-woof.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-woof\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Always insist that you're photographed on your good side.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10326\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/no-home-alone.gif\" alt=\"no-home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">No means no.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/customer-service-home-alone/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10327\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10327\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/customer-service-home-alone.gif\" alt=\"customer-service-home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Only get into customer service if you are an expert compartmentalizer and have a top tier fake smile.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/home-alone-grocery-bag/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10328\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10328\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/home-alone-grocery-bag.gif\" alt=\"home-alone-grocery-bag\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Never go to the grocery store hungry.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/car-accident-home-alone/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10329\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10329\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/car-accident-home-alone.gif\" alt=\"car-accident-home-alone\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">Look both ways.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/scared-in-bed/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10331\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10331\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/scared-in-bed.gif\" alt=\"scared-in-bed\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">The safest place in the world is under the covers of your parents' bed.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">But perhaps the biggest lesson of all is that men over 60 are crap-your-pants scary:\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-2/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10332\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10332\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-2.gif\" alt=\"old-man-2\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10312\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10312\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man.gif\" alt=\"old-man\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-4/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10325\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10325\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-4.gif\" alt=\"old-man-4\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-3/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10330\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10330\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-3.gif\" alt=\"old-man-3\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/old-man-5/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10324\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-10324\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/old-man-5.gif\" alt=\"old-man-5\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: center\">That's all for this walk down nostalgia lane. Macaulay Culkin and I wish you a happy holiday! Bye!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/12/23/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid/bai/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10323\">\u003cimg class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10323\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/12/bai.gif\" alt=\"bai\" width=\"640\" height=\"344\">\u003c/a>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/10304/what-home-alone-taught-every-90s-kid","authors":["27"],"categories":["pop_51"],"tags":["pop_1415","pop_798"],"featImg":"pop_10336","label":"pop"},"pop_4997":{"type":"posts","id":"pop_4997","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"pop","id":"4997","score":null,"sort":[1369071568000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"the-9-most-entertainingly-terrible-celebrity-authors-so-far","title":"The 9 Most Entertainingly Terrible Celebrity Authors (So Far)","publishDate":1369071568,"format":"aside","headTitle":"KQED Pop | KQED Arts","labelTerm":{"site":"pop"},"content":"\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4999\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/20/the-9-most-entertainingly-terrible-celebrity-authors-so-far/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4999\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-4999\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n.jpg\" alt=\"James Franco at a recent book signing in Palo Alto. Image courtesy of Laura Soriano\" width=\"612\" height=\"612\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-75x75.jpg 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">James Franco at a recent book signing in Palo Alto. Image courtesy of Laura Soriano\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Sometimes famous people are not satisfied just being famous for one reason. When this happens they often call in some reinforcements and decide to dip their toes in the lapping author-y waters. Since being an actor, reality star or celebutaunt comes so easily to them, becoming an author is the next logical career choice. Many choose to write what they know, which means they, usually along with a ghostwriter or two, pen their own autobiography. Some of these, life \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Life-Keith-Richards/dp/031603441X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369040086&sr=8-1&keywords=life+keith+richards\">Keith Richard's story \u003cem>Life\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Ask-Me-Course/dp/0425245284\">Betty White's \u003cem>If You Ask Me (And I'm Sure You Won't)\u003c/em>\u003c/a> make for compelling reading. While many others, including \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Ice-The-Vanilla-Story-Words/dp/0380765942\">Vanilla's Ice's 1991 memoir\u003cem> Ice by Ice\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, are not as well received by the public. Lucky for us the is no shortage or ego amongst celebrities and this simple fact let's us know that the insane celeb autobiography will never go out of style. If celebrities want to write but don't have it in them to go for a full chapter-book, they tend toward children's stories. John Lithgow, Jamie Lee Curtis, Julianne Moore and Billy Crystal have all enjoyed success as children's authors. However, a few brave celebs have taken the plunge into full-blown fiction writing often times with hilarious consequences. With Goodreads.com as our guide, we take a look at some of the worst (best?) in celebrity-penned fiction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>9. Hilary Duff: \u003cem>Elixir\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.59/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/listing/2688822740168?r=1&cm_mmca2=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_5To14-_-Q000000633-_-2688822740168\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5031\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5031 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9781442408548_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9781442408548_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"125\" height=\"188\">\u003c/a>Released in June 2011, Duff's debut novel is a real page-turner. This 334 page thriller follows photojournalist/daughter of rich people Clea Raymond as she and a mysterious, handsome stranger, bond and attempt to solve the mystery of her father's disappearance. The \u003ca href=\"http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/books/in_my_library_hilary_duff_itJT5d4pFd4sTp1GsnN7bI\">New York Post proclaimed\u003c/a> \"It has everything: romance and the supernatural; a globe-trotting Hillary Clinton-esque mom; characters with names like Sage and Clea...and a shout-out to Page-Six!\" Sounds like this former child star took the good news in stride releasing \u003cem>Devoted\u003c/em>, the second book in the \u003cem>Elixir\u003c/em> series, in Novemeber 2012.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. Lauren Conrad: \u003cem>L.A. Candy\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.37/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/listing/2686627387465?r=1&cm_mmca2=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_5To14-_-Q000000633-_-2686627387465\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5032\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5032 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780061767593_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9780061767593_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"125\" height=\"188\">\u003c/a>Reality star/fashion designer/blonde girl Lauren Conrad decided to test her storytelling chops in this June 2009 release \u003cem>L.A. Candy\u003c/em>. The first of a trilogy (oh boy!), \u003cem>L.A. Candy\u003c/em> chronicles the tale of Jane Roberts, a young, beautiful woman who moves to LA and is cast in a reality TV show. I'm sure she had to dig deep to find the inspiration for this one. \"I didn't take anything specifically that happened to me,\" \u003ca href=\"http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1614354/lauren-conrad-la-candy-not-based-on-hills.jhtml\">Conrad told MTV News\u003c/a> in 2009. \"The only thing that I did was ... it was a way to show not necessarily me but just the other side of being on a show like ours.\" For her efforts, Conrad briefly earned a spot on the New York Times Best Seller list.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Nicole \"Snooki\" Polizzi: \u003cem>A Shore Thing\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.21/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/listing/2686627387465?r=1&cm_mmca2=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_5To14-_-Q000000633-_-2686627387465\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5033\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5033 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9781451623758_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9781451623758_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"94\" height=\"145\">\u003c/a>Everyone's favorite pouf-head, Snooki, took her deep love for the Jersey Shore to the pages of her first novel, \u003cem>A Shore Thing,\u003c/em> in 2011. Not surprisingly, the \u003ca href=\"http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/01/04/the-5-most-ridiculous-things-about-snookis-new-novel/#ixzz2ToPVjY6B\">story details a wild summer at the Jersey Shore\u003c/a> shared by two cousins with super Italian-sounding names. Most plot-summarizing quote from the book: “[The girls] soak up all that Seaside Heights, New Jersey, has to offer: hot guidos, cool clubs, fried Oreos, and lots of tequila.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Macaulay Culkin: \u003cem>Junior\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.21/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/junior-macaulay-culkin/1100638329?ean=9781401352349\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5034\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5034 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9781401352349_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9781401352349_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"120\" height=\"162\">\u003c/a>The party monster himself takes a crack at the novel. Here, Culkin surprises his readers when instead of a linear, coherent story, they receive a dizzying tumble through a wild mind. Clearly, Culkin doesn't stray too far from his own life's experience with childhood mega-stardom and family dysfunction when creating his character, Junior. Kirkus Reviews says, \"With this audaciously empty mishmash of poems, letters, comics, etc., former child star Culkin (of \u003cem>Home Alone\u003c/em> fame) has managed to lower the already low bar set for celebrity fiction.\" Better luck next time, Mack.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gILWD_iQ2MU]\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Fabio: \u003cem>Wild\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.00/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/wild-fabio/1002368997?ean=9780786004119\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5035\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5035 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780786004119_p0_v1_s260x420.gif\" alt=\"9780786004119_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"100\" height=\"165\">\u003c/a>Though he's normally accustomed to adorning the cover, \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8PgcCe3P_c\">male model/goose target\u003c/a> Fabio took at stab at authoring with this 1997 novel, \u003cem>Wild\u003c/em>. Set in sizzling hot Miami, \u003cem>Wild\u003c/em> chronicles the sexy exploits of A.J. Sutton, a maid who falls in love with the ruggedly handsome (and undoubtedly bronze-skinned) businessman Marcos Esteves. However, a shocking murder causes A.J. to flee in order to survive and forces her to choose between love and her fears. I'd go with love, if I were her. Unfortunately, most people agree that Fabio is better half-smiling on the covers of romance novels or selling faux butter than he is at writing. His \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Wild-Fabio/dp/0786004118\">amazon reviews\u003c/a> are hilarious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Nicole Richie: \u003cem>The Truth About Diamonds: A Novel\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.97/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/truth-about-diamonds-nicole-richie/1101911792?ean=9780061137334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5036\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5036 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780061137334_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9780061137334_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"98\" height=\"149\">\u003c/a>On the heels of former bestie Paris Hilton's self-indulgent 2004 book \u003ca href=\"http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-22-confessions-heiress_x.htm?csp=34\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, wild child Nicole Richie penned her first novel \u003cem>The Truth About Diamonds: A Novel, \u003c/em>in 2006. I like that the title feels it's necessary to mention that this is in fact a novel. Perhaps it was included to remind people since the entire book reads like a memoir of the rocker-celebutaunt's real life. She includes a character named Nicole Richie. She seems really down to Earth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Pamela Anderson: \u003cem>Star Struck: A Novel\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.93/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/star-struck-pamela-anderson/1100317941?ean=9780743493741\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5037\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5037 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780743493741_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9780743493741_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"101\" height=\"157\">\u003c/a>Centerfold/Canadian Pamela Anderson released her first novel \u003cem>Star Struck: A Novel\u003c/em> in May of 2005. Pam also felt the need to mention that her book was a novel in the title because, surprise, surprise, this \"fictional\" story reads a lot (identically) like Pam's life with \u003ca href=\"http://tommylee.com/\">rocker Tommy Lee\u003c/a>. If you're in the market for a trashy page-turning modern romance, this could be the book for you. Put this in the \"beach book\" pile for summer reading, why dontcha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. James Franco: \u003cem>Palo Alto\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.825 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/palo-alto-james-franco/1113686763?ean=9783838717654\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5038\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5038 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9783838717654_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9783838717654_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"113\" height=\"178\">\u003c/a>I was really pulling for Yale PhD candidate and overall babe James Franco. I wanted his collection of short stories to be the best. Sigh. Alas, his 2010 collection of stories about misfit teens in Palo Alto reads a bit more like a sanctimonious memoir; a mesh of Jim Carroll and Bret Easton Ellis mixed with a dash of gore. The New York Times' Joshua Mohr wrote, \"As a writer, Franco needs to harness the skills he’s cultivated as an actor, mainly the ability to inhabit a consciousness independent of his own.\" Sounds like this Jimmy F should heed that advice before he writes another book, \u003ca href=\"http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/angry-james-franco-surfaces-twitter-163401\">or a tweet\u003c/a>. At least he's easy on the eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Naomi Campbell: \u003cem>Swan\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.67/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71972A04APL.gif\">\u003cimg src=\"http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71972A04APL.gif\" width=\"120\" class=\"alignright\">\u003c/a>In an astonishing turn of events a short-tempered supermodel writes a fictitious novel about a mega-successful supermodel. I guess we can't blame Naomi Campbell for writing (or convincing someone to write for her) what she knows. If we did, she'd probably\u003ca href=\"http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1178538,00.html\"> throw a phone at us \u003c/a>or something. \u003cem>Swan\u003c/em> has a plot, I think. Critics are torn. Many loathe it for being a rambling stream of incoherent events while others see it as an inspiring look at the world of modeling. It's basically a foggy, fictional version of \u003cem>America's Next Top Model\u003c/em> written in 1994.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Naomi is going to be tough to beat but I'm certain countless more celebrities will inadvertently throw their hat in the ring for the Most Entertainingly Terrible Celebrity Author. Who is your favorite or least favorite celebrity author? Bonus points if you say Danica McKeller.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Book cover photos via Barnes and Noble and Amazon.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"When single-accomplishment fame isn't enough some celebrities turn to writing. Here are 9 celebrity authors that are entertaining us but maybe not in the way they meant to. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1369073883,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":true,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":31,"wordCount":1376},"headData":{"title":"The 9 Most Entertainingly Terrible Celebrity Authors (So Far) | KQED","description":"When single-accomplishment fame isn't enough some celebrities turn to writing. Here are 9 celebrity authors that are entertaining us but maybe not in the way they meant to. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":""},"disqusIdentifier":"4997 http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/?p=4997","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/20/the-9-most-entertainingly-terrible-celebrity-authors-so-far/","disqusTitle":"The 9 Most Entertainingly Terrible Celebrity Authors (So Far)","path":"/pop/4997/the-9-most-entertainingly-terrible-celebrity-authors-so-far","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_4999\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 612px\">\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.kqed.org/pop/2013/05/20/the-9-most-entertainingly-terrible-celebrity-authors-so-far/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-4999\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-4999\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n.jpg\" alt=\"James Franco at a recent book signing in Palo Alto. Image courtesy of Laura Soriano\" width=\"612\" height=\"612\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n.jpg 612w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-400x400.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-32x32.jpg 32w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-64x64.jpg 64w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-96x96.jpg 96w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-128x128.jpg 128w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/253392_10151600361777980_1313206947_n-75x75.jpg 75w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 612px) 100vw, 612px\">\u003c/a>\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">James Franco at a recent book signing in Palo Alto. Image courtesy of Laura Soriano\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>Sometimes famous people are not satisfied just being famous for one reason. When this happens they often call in some reinforcements and decide to dip their toes in the lapping author-y waters. Since being an actor, reality star or celebutaunt comes so easily to them, becoming an author is the next logical career choice. Many choose to write what they know, which means they, usually along with a ghostwriter or two, pen their own autobiography. Some of these, life \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Life-Keith-Richards/dp/031603441X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1369040086&sr=8-1&keywords=life+keith+richards\">Keith Richard's story \u003cem>Life\u003c/em>\u003c/a> or \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Ask-Me-Course/dp/0425245284\">Betty White's \u003cem>If You Ask Me (And I'm Sure You Won't)\u003c/em>\u003c/a> make for compelling reading. While many others, including \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Ice-The-Vanilla-Story-Words/dp/0380765942\">Vanilla's Ice's 1991 memoir\u003cem> Ice by Ice\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, are not as well received by the public. Lucky for us the is no shortage or ego amongst celebrities and this simple fact let's us know that the insane celeb autobiography will never go out of style. If celebrities want to write but don't have it in them to go for a full chapter-book, they tend toward children's stories. John Lithgow, Jamie Lee Curtis, Julianne Moore and Billy Crystal have all enjoyed success as children's authors. However, a few brave celebs have taken the plunge into full-blown fiction writing often times with hilarious consequences. With Goodreads.com as our guide, we take a look at some of the worst (best?) in celebrity-penned fiction.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>9. Hilary Duff: \u003cem>Elixir\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.59/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/listing/2688822740168?r=1&cm_mmca2=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_5To14-_-Q000000633-_-2688822740168\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5031\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5031 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9781442408548_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9781442408548_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"125\" height=\"188\">\u003c/a>Released in June 2011, Duff's debut novel is a real page-turner. This 334 page thriller follows photojournalist/daughter of rich people Clea Raymond as she and a mysterious, handsome stranger, bond and attempt to solve the mystery of her father's disappearance. The \u003ca href=\"http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/books/in_my_library_hilary_duff_itJT5d4pFd4sTp1GsnN7bI\">New York Post proclaimed\u003c/a> \"It has everything: romance and the supernatural; a globe-trotting Hillary Clinton-esque mom; characters with names like Sage and Clea...and a shout-out to Page-Six!\" Sounds like this former child star took the good news in stride releasing \u003cem>Devoted\u003c/em>, the second book in the \u003cem>Elixir\u003c/em> series, in Novemeber 2012.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>8. Lauren Conrad: \u003cem>L.A. Candy\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.37/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/listing/2686627387465?r=1&cm_mmca2=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_5To14-_-Q000000633-_-2686627387465\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5032\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5032 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780061767593_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9780061767593_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"125\" height=\"188\">\u003c/a>Reality star/fashion designer/blonde girl Lauren Conrad decided to test her storytelling chops in this June 2009 release \u003cem>L.A. Candy\u003c/em>. The first of a trilogy (oh boy!), \u003cem>L.A. Candy\u003c/em> chronicles the tale of Jane Roberts, a young, beautiful woman who moves to LA and is cast in a reality TV show. I'm sure she had to dig deep to find the inspiration for this one. \"I didn't take anything specifically that happened to me,\" \u003ca href=\"http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1614354/lauren-conrad-la-candy-not-based-on-hills.jhtml\">Conrad told MTV News\u003c/a> in 2009. \"The only thing that I did was ... it was a way to show not necessarily me but just the other side of being on a show like ours.\" For her efforts, Conrad briefly earned a spot on the New York Times Best Seller list.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>7. Nicole \"Snooki\" Polizzi: \u003cem>A Shore Thing\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.21/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/listing/2686627387465?r=1&cm_mmca2=pla&cm_mmc=GooglePLA-_-Book_5To14-_-Q000000633-_-2686627387465\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5033\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5033 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9781451623758_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9781451623758_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"94\" height=\"145\">\u003c/a>Everyone's favorite pouf-head, Snooki, took her deep love for the Jersey Shore to the pages of her first novel, \u003cem>A Shore Thing,\u003c/em> in 2011. Not surprisingly, the \u003ca href=\"http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/01/04/the-5-most-ridiculous-things-about-snookis-new-novel/#ixzz2ToPVjY6B\">story details a wild summer at the Jersey Shore\u003c/a> shared by two cousins with super Italian-sounding names. Most plot-summarizing quote from the book: “[The girls] soak up all that Seaside Heights, New Jersey, has to offer: hot guidos, cool clubs, fried Oreos, and lots of tequila.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>6. Macaulay Culkin: \u003cem>Junior\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.21/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/junior-macaulay-culkin/1100638329?ean=9781401352349\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5034\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5034 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9781401352349_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9781401352349_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"120\" height=\"162\">\u003c/a>The party monster himself takes a crack at the novel. Here, Culkin surprises his readers when instead of a linear, coherent story, they receive a dizzying tumble through a wild mind. Clearly, Culkin doesn't stray too far from his own life's experience with childhood mega-stardom and family dysfunction when creating his character, Junior. Kirkus Reviews says, \"With this audaciously empty mishmash of poems, letters, comics, etc., former child star Culkin (of \u003cem>Home Alone\u003c/em> fame) has managed to lower the already low bar set for celebrity fiction.\" Better luck next time, Mack.\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"single-video\">\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutube'>\n \u003cspan class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__embedYoutubeInside'>\n \u003ciframe\n loading='lazy'\n class='utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__youtubeShortcode__youtubePlayer'\n type='text/html'\n src='//www.youtube.com/embed/gILWD_iQ2MU'\n title='//www.youtube.com/embed/gILWD_iQ2MU'\n allowfullscreen='true'\n style='border:0;'>\u003c/iframe>\n \u003c/span>\n \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/div>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>5. Fabio: \u003cem>Wild\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 3.00/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/wild-fabio/1002368997?ean=9780786004119\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5035\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5035 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780786004119_p0_v1_s260x420.gif\" alt=\"9780786004119_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"100\" height=\"165\">\u003c/a>Though he's normally accustomed to adorning the cover, \u003ca href=\"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8PgcCe3P_c\">male model/goose target\u003c/a> Fabio took at stab at authoring with this 1997 novel, \u003cem>Wild\u003c/em>. Set in sizzling hot Miami, \u003cem>Wild\u003c/em> chronicles the sexy exploits of A.J. Sutton, a maid who falls in love with the ruggedly handsome (and undoubtedly bronze-skinned) businessman Marcos Esteves. However, a shocking murder causes A.J. to flee in order to survive and forces her to choose between love and her fears. I'd go with love, if I were her. Unfortunately, most people agree that Fabio is better half-smiling on the covers of romance novels or selling faux butter than he is at writing. His \u003ca href=\"http://www.amazon.com/Wild-Fabio/dp/0786004118\">amazon reviews\u003c/a> are hilarious.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>4. Nicole Richie: \u003cem>The Truth About Diamonds: A Novel\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.97/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp style=\"text-align: left\">\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/truth-about-diamonds-nicole-richie/1101911792?ean=9780061137334\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5036\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5036 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780061137334_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9780061137334_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"98\" height=\"149\">\u003c/a>On the heels of former bestie Paris Hilton's self-indulgent 2004 book \u003ca href=\"http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/books/excerpts/2004-09-22-confessions-heiress_x.htm?csp=34\" target=\"_blank\">\u003cem>Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose\u003c/em>\u003c/a>, wild child Nicole Richie penned her first novel \u003cem>The Truth About Diamonds: A Novel, \u003c/em>in 2006. I like that the title feels it's necessary to mention that this is in fact a novel. Perhaps it was included to remind people since the entire book reads like a memoir of the rocker-celebutaunt's real life. She includes a character named Nicole Richie. She seems really down to Earth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>3. Pamela Anderson: \u003cem>Star Struck: A Novel\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.93/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/star-struck-pamela-anderson/1100317941?ean=9780743493741\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5037\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5037 alignright\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9780743493741_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9780743493741_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"101\" height=\"157\">\u003c/a>Centerfold/Canadian Pamela Anderson released her first novel \u003cem>Star Struck: A Novel\u003c/em> in May of 2005. Pam also felt the need to mention that her book was a novel in the title because, surprise, surprise, this \"fictional\" story reads a lot (identically) like Pam's life with \u003ca href=\"http://tommylee.com/\">rocker Tommy Lee\u003c/a>. If you're in the market for a trashy page-turning modern romance, this could be the book for you. Put this in the \"beach book\" pile for summer reading, why dontcha.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>2. James Franco: \u003cem>Palo Alto\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.825 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/palo-alto-james-franco/1113686763?ean=9783838717654\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-5038\">\u003cimg class=\" wp-image-5038 alignleft\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/pop/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2013/05/9783838717654_p0_v1_s260x420.jpg\" alt=\"9783838717654_p0_v1_s260x420\" width=\"113\" height=\"178\">\u003c/a>I was really pulling for Yale PhD candidate and overall babe James Franco. I wanted his collection of short stories to be the best. Sigh. Alas, his 2010 collection of stories about misfit teens in Palo Alto reads a bit more like a sanctimonious memoir; a mesh of Jim Carroll and Bret Easton Ellis mixed with a dash of gore. The New York Times' Joshua Mohr wrote, \"As a writer, Franco needs to harness the skills he’s cultivated as an actor, mainly the ability to inhabit a consciousness independent of his own.\" Sounds like this Jimmy F should heed that advice before he writes another book, \u003ca href=\"http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/angry-james-franco-surfaces-twitter-163401\">or a tweet\u003c/a>. At least he's easy on the eyes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>1. Naomi Campbell: \u003cem>Swan\u003c/em>\u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Rating: 2.67/5 stars\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71972A04APL.gif\">\u003cimg src=\"http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71972A04APL.gif\" width=\"120\" class=\"alignright\">\u003c/a>In an astonishing turn of events a short-tempered supermodel writes a fictitious novel about a mega-successful supermodel. I guess we can't blame Naomi Campbell for writing (or convincing someone to write for her) what she knows. If we did, she'd probably\u003ca href=\"http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,1178538,00.html\"> throw a phone at us \u003c/a>or something. \u003cem>Swan\u003c/em> has a plot, I think. Critics are torn. Many loathe it for being a rambling stream of incoherent events while others see it as an inspiring look at the world of modeling. It's basically a foggy, fictional version of \u003cem>America's Next Top Model\u003c/em> written in 1994.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Naomi is going to be tough to beat but I'm certain countless more celebrities will inadvertently throw their hat in the ring for the Most Entertainingly Terrible Celebrity Author. Who is your favorite or least favorite celebrity author? Bonus points if you say Danica McKeller.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Book cover photos via Barnes and Noble and Amazon.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/pop/4997/the-9-most-entertainingly-terrible-celebrity-authors-so-far","authors":["2438"],"categories":["pop_7","pop_56"],"tags":["pop_108","pop_799","pop_794","pop_796","pop_793","pop_28","pop_798","pop_801","pop_795","pop_800","pop_797"],"featImg":"pop_5019","label":"pop"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. 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Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. Because everyone needs a little help being human.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch\">\u003cem>Code Switch\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />\u003ca href=\"https://www.npr.org/lifekit\">\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em> offical site and podcast\u003c/a>\u003cbr />","airtime":"SUN 9pm-10pm","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/CodeSwitchLifeKit_StationGraphics_300x300EmailGraphic.png","meta":{"site":"radio","source":"npr"},"link":"/radio/program/code-switch-life-kit","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/1112190608?mt=2&at=11l79Y&ct=nprdirectory","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cubnByLm9yZy9yc3MvcG9kY2FzdC5waHA_aWQ9NTEwMzEy","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/3bExJ9JQpkwNhoHvaIIuyV","rss":"https://feeds.npr.org/510312/podcast.xml"}},"commonwealth-club":{"id":"commonwealth-club","title":"Commonwealth Club of California Podcast","info":"The Commonwealth Club of California is the nation's oldest and largest public affairs forum. 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We cover topics like how fed-up administrators are developing surprising tactics to deal with classroom disruptions; how listening to podcasts are helping kids develop reading skills; the consequences of overparenting; and why interdisciplinary learning can engage students on all ends of the traditional achievement spectrum. This podcast is part of the MindShift education site, a division of KQED News. KQED is an NPR/PBS member station based in San Francisco. You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/mindshift2021-tile-3000x3000-1-scaled-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. 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