What Home Alone Taught Every ’90s Kid

| December 23, 2013
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home-alone

Chances are that if you have a pulse and aren’t in solitary confinement somewhere, you’ll be watching Home Alone this holiday season (if you haven’t already). The tale of an abandoned child who taps into his dormant sociopathic tendancies to battle a couple of hapless burglars is a classic and most children of the 1990s will attest to learning major life lessons from the John Hughes film. What kind of life lessons? I’m glad you asked:

buzz-pizza

Pizza is the only food group.

home alone incompetents

People who took French in high school are rude.

Photo: Tumblr

family

 Bullying starts at home.

sleep-in

 You’re never too old to oversleep on the most important days.

furnace

Basements should be avoided at all costs.

home-alone-rage

You only live once so a good rage session is always a good idea.

home-alone-junk-

Treat yo’self.

home-alone-woof

Always insist that you’re photographed on your good side.

no-home-alone

No means no.

customer-service-home-alone

Only get into customer service if you are an expert compartmentalizer and have a top tier fake smile.

home-alone-grocery-bag

Never go to the grocery store hungry.

car-accident-home-alone

Look both ways.

scared-in-bed

The safest place in the world is under the covers of your parents’ bed.

But perhaps the biggest lesson of all is that men over 60 are crap-your-pants scary:

old-man-2

old-man

old-man-4

old-man-3

old-man-5

 

That’s all for this walk down nostalgia lane. Macaulay Culkin and I wish you a happy holiday! Bye!

bai

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About the Author ()

Emmanuel Hapsis studied creative writing at University of Maryland, College Park and went on to receive his MFA in the field from California College of the Arts. After a few years of odd jobs, he landed at KQED, where he worked his way up from an intern to being the lead producer of a literature podcast and then the creator and editor of KQED Pop. In his free time, he teaches yoga and sings his heart out at karaoke.

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