Listen: Highlights from Supreme Court Hearings on Marriage Equality

| March 27, 2013
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ellen

This week is a historical one for LGBT Americans, as two high-profile cases (one dealing with California’s Proposition 8 and the other with the Defense of Marriage Act) have reached the Supreme Court’s steps. If you are after the facts and analysis of the court proceedings, KQED News has you covered. If you’re looking for light-hearted highlights from the audio transcripts, then you’re in the right place! Listen below to Kagan explaining menopause, Scalia reciting Destiny’s Child lyrics, and so much more!

It’s a good thing that women are on the panel these days. Who else would school white dudes about the whole menopause = no more babies thing?

Ted Olsen is the conservative lawyer who we can thank for convincing the Supreme Court that George W. Bush was actually elected back in 2000. And that’s probably ’cause he’s a charmer. It wasn’t more than a minute at the podium before he said something cute that got everyone laughing.

Scalia is known for his temper and there’s a reason for that. In this exchange, Ted Olsen dares to answer one of Scalia’s questions with a question of his own. Ding ding, grab the popcorn!

Justice Roberts has a really soothing voice, even when he’s scolding.

Justice Alito is really hip. He measures things temporally in regards to cell phones and the internet! I do the same thing with Talkboys and Tumblr. Also of note: Alito doesn’t believe in psychics.

You know that moment when you’re in class and your teacher calls on you, but you haven’t done the homework so you just take a really long time saying stuff so you can think of a way to BS out of it, which either leads your teacher to give up or just tell you the answer? Yeah. Listen to Justice Ginsburg school Cooper, the lawyer for Prop 8 proponents.

A seemingly nonsensical argument gives Justice Kennedy “intellectual whiplash.”

Justice Scalia a.) doesn’t understand your answer, b.) doesn’t care if things work, c.) likes to menacingly lean into his mic, and d.) recite lyrics from Destiny’s Child’s first single “No No No.”

An interesting analogy proves that Justice Ginsburg does not care for skim milk and is a poet.

Justice Sotomayor lets you know, if you didn’t already, that Scalia does not care what you think.

San Francisco’s own Justice Breyer is a boss.

Justice Roberts’ version of Kanye’s “I’mma let you finish, but Beyonce had the best music video of all time!”

 

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About the Author ()

Emmanuel Hapsis studied creative writing at University of Maryland, College Park and went on to receive his MFA in the field from California College of the Arts. After a few years of odd jobs, he landed at KQED, where he worked his way up from an intern to being the lead producer of a literature podcast and then the creator and editor of KQED Pop. In his free time, he teaches yoga and sings his heart out at karaoke.
  • http://twitter.com/pxanon phil

    None of these will play on my computer…

    • Emmanuel Hapsis

      They work on Chrome and Safari for me. If you’re still having some trouble, try clicking each individual audio title, which should take you to the direct Soundcloud link.