Super Bowl Commercial Superlatives

| February 4, 2013
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Most Likely to Make You Cry: Budweiser, “Brotherhood”

Set to Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” (the very first time Nicks and Co. have allowed the song to be commercially licensed), the relationship of a Clydesdale and his breeder unfolds, from wobbly first steps to the horse’s entry into the big leagues. Years later, the breeder tries to reunite with his long lost pal and what happens is Christian the Lion all over again. Commence ugly crying.

Most Likely to Be Confused for an Ad about Illiteracy: Subway, “Febru-any”

Various athletes fail to correctly pronounce Febru-any, in an attempt to get the nation talking about the need to make positive changes to our education system. Oh, nevermind, it’s about sandwiches.

Most Likely to Make You Offer a BFF Bracelet: Best Buy, “Asking Amy”

Amy Poehler continues to dominate our hearts by asking questions about dongles and clouds and leaves us with a burning question of our own: why isn’t she our best friend yet?

Most Likely to End in Divorce: Tide, “Miracle Stain”

A careless sports fan drops salsa on his jersey, only to find it perfectly morph into Joe Montana’s image and become the next Jesus on burnt toast or Elvis on a potato chip. 49er fans make pilgrimages to witness the miracle, until an unlikely Ravens fan destroys all their hopes and dreams.

Most Likely to Make You Dumber: GoDaddy, “The Kiss”

This ad is memorable, not for its creativity or smart writing, but for the “icky” make-out session between Israeli supermodel Bar Rafaeli and a stereotypical nerd. The masterminds behind this ad probably think smart people are gross because they have no idea what it’s like to be one.

Most Likely to Make You Stop Freaking Out About Your Age: Taco Bell, “Viva Young”

Just because you found a grey hair and have achey joints doesn’t mean you don’t know how to get down. Lest we forget the wise words of the great philosopher Aaliyah: “Age ain’t nothing but a number.”

Most Likely to Make You Want to Go to There: Kia, “Space Babies”

In an attempt to avoid “the birds and the bees” talk, a father invents a Cute Overload planet called Babylandia where babies of all varieties (penguins and pandas and puppies, oh my!) hang out before they meet their parents. One way ticket please.

Most Likely to Make You Beg for the Macarena: PSY, “Wonderful Pistachios Get Crackin’”

This ruthless “Gangam Style” phenomenon is like finding out you have bed bugs over and over again. Will the terror never end?!

Most Likely to Offend: 

A white dude from Minnesota spreads positive affirmations around the office…in a Jamaican accent. No.

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About the Author ()

Emmanuel Hapsis received his MFA in creative writing from California College of the Arts. When he's not editing or writing for KQED Pop, he spends his time wondering if he should start a commune and petting all the stray cats.

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