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You can follower her on Twitter \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/@dfkris\">@dfkris\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>","avatar":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/48efe6f17031ed31222b74af9605fe5a?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twitter":"dfkris","facebook":null,"instagram":null,"linkedin":null,"sites":[{"site":"mindshift","roles":["author"]}],"headData":{"title":"Deborah Farmer Kris | KQED","description":null,"ogImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/48efe6f17031ed31222b74af9605fe5a?s=600&d=blank&r=g","twImgSrc":"https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/48efe6f17031ed31222b74af9605fe5a?s=600&d=blank&r=g"},"isLoading":false,"link":"/author/dfkris"}},"breakingNewsReducer":{},"campaignFinanceReducer":{},"firebase":{"requesting":{},"requested":{},"timestamps":{},"data":{},"ordered":{},"auth":{"isLoaded":false,"isEmpty":true},"authError":null,"profile":{"isLoaded":false,"isEmpty":true},"listeners":{"byId":{},"allIds":[]},"isInitializing":false,"errors":[]},"navBarReducer":{"navBarId":"home","fullView":true,"showPlayer":false},"navMenuReducer":{"menus":[{"key":"menu1","items":[{"name":"News","link":"/","type":"title"},{"name":"Politics","link":"/politics"},{"name":"Science","link":"/science"},{"name":"Education","link":"/educationnews"},{"name":"Housing","link":"/housing"},{"name":"Immigration","link":"/immigration"},{"name":"Criminal Justice","link":"/criminaljustice"},{"name":"Silicon Valley","link":"/siliconvalley"},{"name":"Forum","link":"/forum"},{"name":"The California Report","link":"/californiareport"}]},{"key":"menu2","items":[{"name":"Arts & Culture","link":"/arts","type":"title"},{"name":"Critics’ Picks","link":"/thedolist"},{"name":"Cultural Commentary","link":"/artscommentary"},{"name":"Food & Drink","link":"/food"},{"name":"Bay Area Hip-Hop","link":"/bayareahiphop"},{"name":"Rebel Girls","link":"/rebelgirls"},{"name":"Arts Video","link":"/artsvideos"}]},{"key":"menu3","items":[{"name":"Podcasts","link":"/podcasts","type":"title"},{"name":"Bay Curious","link":"/podcasts/baycurious"},{"name":"Rightnowish","link":"/podcasts/rightnowish"},{"name":"The Bay","link":"/podcasts/thebay"},{"name":"On Our Watch","link":"/podcasts/onourwatch"},{"name":"Mindshift","link":"/podcasts/mindshift"},{"name":"Consider This","link":"/podcasts/considerthis"},{"name":"Political Breakdown","link":"/podcasts/politicalbreakdown"}]},{"key":"menu4","items":[{"name":"Live Radio","link":"/radio","type":"title"},{"name":"TV","link":"/tv","type":"title"},{"name":"Events","link":"/events","type":"title"},{"name":"For Educators","link":"/education","type":"title"},{"name":"Support KQED","link":"/support","type":"title"},{"name":"About","link":"/about","type":"title"},{"name":"Help Center","link":"https://kqed-helpcenter.kqed.org/s","type":"title"}]}]},"pagesReducer":{},"postsReducer":{"stream_live":{"type":"live","id":"stream_live","audioUrl":"https://streams.kqed.org/kqedradio","title":"Live Stream","excerpt":"Live Stream information currently unavailable.","link":"/radio","featImg":"","label":{"name":"KQED Live","link":"/"}},"stream_kqedNewscast":{"type":"posts","id":"stream_kqedNewscast","audioUrl":"https://www.kqed.org/.stream/anon/radio/RDnews/newscast.mp3?_=1","title":"KQED Newscast","featImg":"","label":{"name":"88.5 FM","link":"/"}},"mindshift_63456":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_63456","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"63456","score":null,"sort":[1712106598000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills","title":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills","publishDate":1712106598,"format":"standard","headTitle":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills | KQED","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On a Thursday evening in January, parents sat at cafeteria tables with sixth-graders, eating pasta and discussing scripted questions, including “How does someone earn your trust?” and “What makes a good friend?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“So many boys describe feelings of loneliness, of having friends but longing for someone they can confide in about hard feelings,” said Adam Diaz, a school counselor and my colleague at Landon School, an independent boys school in Bethesda, Maryland. We designed this activity at the school’s annual spaghetti dinner to encourage conversation among caregivers and students about \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily\">healthy friendships\u003c/a>. “This was an opportunity for the boys to practice social skills and for parents to model being honest and vulnerable,” Diaz continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At a time when \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34898234/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">rates of loneliness\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are rising among young adults and researchers report that 15- to 24-year-olds spend nearly \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">70% less time\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, boys face some distinct challenges.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For instance, in their 2021 report, “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.boyhoodinitiative.org/sites/default/files/2023-06/State-of-American-Boys-Report.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The State of America’s Boys: An Urgent Case for a More Connected Boyhood\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,” researchers Michael Reichert and Joseph Derrick Nelson note that boys feel \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections\">pressure to conform to societal expectations about masculinity\u003c/a>, such as being stoic, dominant and competitive. That may help explain why boys are more likely to experience physical and verbal bullying and why they’re less academically engaged than girls.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Here are six ways \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54878/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn\">educators can help boys\u003c/a> acquire the skills and traits they need to strengthen their relationships and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">thrive at school\u003c/a>.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>1. Connect the dots between self-regulation and reputation \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys can turn off peers by calling out in class or elbowing a classmate. To \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53132/concrete-ways-to-help-students-self-regulate-and-prioritize-work\">help them self-regulate\u003c/a>, Diaz prompts boys to consider questions such as, “Can I sit next to someone whose presence calms me down?” and “Can I write down any questions I have before raising my hand?”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://news.fullerton.edu/press-release/child-development-expert-why-boys-are-falling-behind-in-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ioakim Boutakidis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, professor of child and adolescent studies at California State University, Fullerton, notes that t\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">he self-regulatory components of the brain aren’t integrated as quickly in boys as in girls\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and “boys \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that have a harder time picking up on social cues are often the most aggressive because they misinterpret accidental gestures as malicious intent.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Scripts are created,” Boutakidis said, and students pick up on teachers’ attitudes toward students, too. To help repair a struggling student’s reputation, try to set them up for success and praise them publicly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>2. Distinguish between “funny, mean and in-between” comments\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys are more likely to make a comment like, “‘You’re such an idiot; I can’t believe I hang out with you’ – said while smiling and patting them on the back,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/mitchprinstein\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/a>, chief s\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cience officer for the American Psychological Association\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “It’s a way to express vulnerability but also be dominant.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Joking can be misinterpreted and lead to fights,” added \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.mrhealthteacher.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Christopher Pepper\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a teacher who coordinates boys’ groups in San Francisco Public Schools. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">He encourages boys to “lean into sincerity rather than hide behind ‘can’t you take a joke?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/ryanwexelblatt\">Ryan Wexelblatt\u003c/a>, the director of ADHD Dude, which offers in-person \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.adhddude.com/social-programs\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">social skills programs\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for boys in Tucson, Arizona, teaches boys that there are some things you shouldn’t joke about, such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> physical appearance and race.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I teach health and wellness in schools, I have students act out comments like “Oh, you got a haircut” or “We already have enough players on our team,” then determine whether it’s “nice, mean or in-between.” They quickly realize that the same comment can be perceived as mean or inoffensive depending on someone’s word choice, tone and past interactions with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb style=\"font-size: 24px\">3. Provide structured social opportunities \u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Adults have to take responsibility for creating structured engagement with young folks,” said \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/darylhowardphd\">Daryl Howard\u003c/a>, director of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://bondeducators.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Building Our Network of Diversity (BOND) Project\u003c/span>\u003c/a> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">and chair of the Maryland department of education’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://marylandpublicschools.org/programs/Pages/AAEEBB/index.aspx\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Advisory Council on Achieving Academic Equity and Excellence for Black Boys\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When Howard facilitates BOND boys groups, he starts each session with a community circle “so no one can sit by themselves or play on devices.” The boys introduce themselves and share a personal update, with the goal of helping them find connection points so they can interact more comfortably on their own, he explained.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, a boys school in Toronto, Ontario, students can join a group tailored to their needs or sign up to eat lunch with a “mystery teacher,” said Catriona Gallienne, the school’s director of student success. All students start the day with a 30-minute period designated for social-emotional learning, such as an assembly, health class or community circles.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">During circle time, boys might talk about a challenge at home or express frustration over how teams are picked at recess, said Rick Parsons, principal of Sterling Hall. “Inevitably, someone will validate their experience or share, ‘This is what happened to me.’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The circles normalize boys’ experiences and combat harmful stereotypes about needing to “go it alone,” said Andrew Reiner, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.harpercollins.com/products/better-boys-better-men-andrew-reiner\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “They see that they not only have permission to open up, but it’s going to be met with support.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>4. Help boys socialize informally\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys who feel awkward might opt out of recess, lunch and other unstructured social time. To ease their discomfort, schools can add Spikeball games or extra balls to outdoor areas, designate a board game table in the cafeteria, or hold chess club meetings during lunch.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I tell elementary schools, ‘have a Lego cart outside,’ but some \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60253/play-is-crucial-for-middle-schoolers-too\">teenagers like that too\u003c/a>,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/katiefhurley\">Katie Hurley\u003c/a>, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a child and adolescent psychotherapist and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://jedfoundation.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Jed Foundation’s\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> senior clinical adviser for external affairs.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View spaces with an eye to optimizing interaction. For instance, Hurley visited a school where students gather on couches in the hallway.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>5. Recognize that some boys need more help\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some students may need more help understanding the unwritten rules of socializing, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">including boys with ADHD\u003c/a>. “Some kids with an inattentive profile are what I call the stick collectors,” Wexelblatt said. “They get caught up in their own world and walk around the perimeter collecting sticks.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys with an impulsive profile can be more emotionally reactive, he said. “They might think they’re being bullied, but other kids find them controlling or just don’t want to do what they’re doing.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Praise boys for being flexible or showing interest in peers’ ideas. Diaz prompts students to ponder questions such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “How close do you stand to someone? How do you ask a question? What’s okay to ask?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>6. Make caring for others a shared responsibility\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, Parsons said, educators have a saying: “Big boys look out for themselves; bigger boys look out for others.” To that end, older students mentor younger students, and eighth-grade boys partner with younger students to paint a buddy bench on the playground. If a student has no one to play with, they sit on the buddy bench.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Every boy is responsible for making sure no one is sitting on the buddy bench,” Parsons explained, adding that no one sits there for more than 60 seconds. As he noted, “boys want to be leaders, to be good, to look out for others and to get affirmation for that. Belonging is everything.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://phyllisfagell.com/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Phyllis L. Fagell\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a licensed clinical professional counselor and professional school counselor, is the author of \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-matters/9780738235080/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Matters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-superpowers/9780306829758/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Young adults spend nearly 70% less time socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, and boys face some distinct challenges.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1712151777,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":29,"wordCount":1360},"headData":{"title":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills | KQED","description":"Young adults spend nearly 70% less time socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, and boys face some distinct challenges.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","socialDescription":"Young adults spend nearly 70% less time socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, and boys face some distinct challenges.","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"6 Ways Educators Can Bolster Boys’ Social Skills","datePublished":"2024-04-03T01:09:58.000Z","dateModified":"2024-04-03T13:42:57.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"sticky":false,"nprByline":"Phyllis L. Fagell","excludeFromSiteSearch":"Include","showOnAuthorArchivePages":"No","articleAge":"0","path":"/mindshift/63456/6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">On a Thursday evening in January, parents sat at cafeteria tables with sixth-graders, eating pasta and discussing scripted questions, including “How does someone earn your trust?” and “What makes a good friend?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“So many boys describe feelings of loneliness, of having friends but longing for someone they can confide in about hard feelings,” said Adam Diaz, a school counselor and my colleague at Landon School, an independent boys school in Bethesda, Maryland. We designed this activity at the school’s annual spaghetti dinner to encourage conversation among caregivers and students about \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/63184/when-parents-know-these-4-phases-of-friendship-they-can-help-their-child-make-friends-more-easily\">healthy friendships\u003c/a>. “This was an opportunity for the boys to practice social skills and for parents to model being honest and vulnerable,” Diaz continued.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At a time when \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34898234/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">rates of loneliness\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> are rising among young adults and researchers report that 15- to 24-year-olds spend nearly \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">70% less time\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> socializing in-person with friends than they did two decades ago, boys face some distinct challenges.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">For instance, in their 2021 report, “\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.boyhoodinitiative.org/sites/default/files/2023-06/State-of-American-Boys-Report.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The State of America’s Boys: An Urgent Case for a More Connected Boyhood\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">,” researchers Michael Reichert and Joseph Derrick Nelson note that boys feel \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections\">pressure to conform to societal expectations about masculinity\u003c/a>, such as being stoic, dominant and competitive. That may help explain why boys are more likely to experience physical and verbal bullying and why they’re less academically engaged than girls.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Here are six ways \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/54878/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn\">educators can help boys\u003c/a> acquire the skills and traits they need to strengthen their relationships and \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/56979/what-the-research-says-about-the-academic-power-of-friendship\">thrive at school\u003c/a>.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>1. Connect the dots between self-regulation and reputation \u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys can turn off peers by calling out in class or elbowing a classmate. To \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53132/concrete-ways-to-help-students-self-regulate-and-prioritize-work\">help them self-regulate\u003c/a>, Diaz prompts boys to consider questions such as, “Can I sit next to someone whose presence calms me down?” and “Can I write down any questions I have before raising my hand?”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://news.fullerton.edu/press-release/child-development-expert-why-boys-are-falling-behind-in-education/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ioakim Boutakidis\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, professor of child and adolescent studies at California State University, Fullerton, notes that t\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">he self-regulatory components of the brain aren’t integrated as quickly in boys as in girls\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, and “boys \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that have a harder time picking up on social cues are often the most aggressive because they misinterpret accidental gestures as malicious intent.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Scripts are created,” Boutakidis said, and students pick up on teachers’ attitudes toward students, too. To help repair a struggling student’s reputation, try to set them up for success and praise them publicly.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>2. Distinguish between “funny, mean and in-between” comments\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys are more likely to make a comment like, “‘You’re such an idiot; I can’t believe I hang out with you’ – said while smiling and patting them on the back,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/mitchprinstein\">Mitch Prinstein\u003c/a>, chief s\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">cience officer for the American Psychological Association\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “It’s a way to express vulnerability but also be dominant.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Joking can be misinterpreted and lead to fights,” added \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.mrhealthteacher.com/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Christopher Pepper\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a teacher who coordinates boys’ groups in San Francisco Public Schools. \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">He encourages boys to “lean into sincerity rather than hide behind ‘can’t you take a joke?’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/ryanwexelblatt\">Ryan Wexelblatt\u003c/a>, the director of ADHD Dude, which offers in-person \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.adhddude.com/social-programs\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">social skills programs\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> for boys in Tucson, Arizona, teaches boys that there are some things you shouldn’t joke about, such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> physical appearance and race.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I teach health and wellness in schools, I have students act out comments like “Oh, you got a haircut” or “We already have enough players on our team,” then determine whether it’s “nice, mean or in-between.” They quickly realize that the same comment can be perceived as mean or inoffensive depending on someone’s word choice, tone and past interactions with you.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cb style=\"font-size: 24px\">3. Provide structured social opportunities \u003c/b>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Adults have to take responsibility for creating structured engagement with young folks,” said \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/darylhowardphd\">Daryl Howard\u003c/a>, director of the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://bondeducators.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Building Our Network of Diversity (BOND) Project\u003c/span>\u003c/a> \u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">and chair of the Maryland department of education’s \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://marylandpublicschools.org/programs/Pages/AAEEBB/index.aspx\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Advisory Council on Achieving Academic Equity and Excellence for Black Boys\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When Howard facilitates BOND boys groups, he starts each session with a community circle “so no one can sit by themselves or play on devices.” The boys introduce themselves and share a personal update, with the goal of helping them find connection points so they can interact more comfortably on their own, he explained.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, a boys school in Toronto, Ontario, students can join a group tailored to their needs or sign up to eat lunch with a “mystery teacher,” said Catriona Gallienne, the school’s director of student success. All students start the day with a 30-minute period designated for social-emotional learning, such as an assembly, health class or community circles.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">During circle time, boys might talk about a challenge at home or express frustration over how teams are picked at recess, said Rick Parsons, principal of Sterling Hall. “Inevitably, someone will validate their experience or share, ‘This is what happened to me.’” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The circles normalize boys’ experiences and combat harmful stereotypes about needing to “go it alone,” said Andrew Reiner, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">author of \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.harpercollins.com/products/better-boys-better-men-andrew-reiner\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">. “They see that they not only have permission to open up, but it’s going to be met with support.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>4. Help boys socialize informally\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys who feel awkward might opt out of recess, lunch and other unstructured social time. To ease their discomfort, schools can add Spikeball games or extra balls to outdoor areas, designate a board game table in the cafeteria, or hold chess club meetings during lunch.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“I tell elementary schools, ‘have a Lego cart outside,’ but some \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/60253/play-is-crucial-for-middle-schoolers-too\">teenagers like that too\u003c/a>,” said \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/katiefhurley\">Katie Hurley\u003c/a>, \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">a child and adolescent psychotherapist and \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://jedfoundation.org/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Jed Foundation’s\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> senior clinical adviser for external affairs.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">View spaces with an eye to optimizing interaction. For instance, Hurley visited a school where students gather on couches in the hallway.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>5. Recognize that some boys need more help\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Some students may need more help understanding the unwritten rules of socializing, \u003ca href=\"https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/61966/how-parents-can-help-children-with-adhd-thrive-in-friendships\">including boys with ADHD\u003c/a>. “Some kids with an inattentive profile are what I call the stick collectors,” Wexelblatt said. “They get caught up in their own world and walk around the perimeter collecting sticks.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Boys with an impulsive profile can be more emotionally reactive, he said. “They might think they’re being bullied, but other kids find them controlling or just don’t want to do what they’re doing.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Praise boys for being flexible or showing interest in peers’ ideas. Diaz prompts students to ponder questions such as\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, “How close do you stand to someone? How do you ask a question? What’s okay to ask?” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>6. Make caring for others a shared responsibility\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">At Sterling Hall, Parsons said, educators have a saying: “Big boys look out for themselves; bigger boys look out for others.” To that end, older students mentor younger students, and eighth-grade boys partner with younger students to paint a buddy bench on the playground. If a student has no one to play with, they sit on the buddy bench.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Every boy is responsible for making sure no one is sitting on the buddy bench,” Parsons explained, adding that no one sits there for more than 60 seconds. As he noted, “boys want to be leaders, to be good, to look out for others and to get affirmation for that. Belonging is everything.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://phyllisfagell.com/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Phyllis L. Fagell\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, a licensed clinical professional counselor and professional school counselor, is the author of \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-matters/9780738235080/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Matters\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and \u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003ca href=\"https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/phyllis-l-fagell/middle-school-superpowers/9780306829758/\">\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/a>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/63456/6-ways-educators-can-bolster-boys-social-skills","authors":["byline_mindshift_63456"],"categories":["mindshift_21445","mindshift_194","mindshift_21385","mindshift_193"],"tags":["mindshift_20698","mindshift_21336","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21252","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_63458","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_57024":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_57024","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"57024","score":null,"sort":[1607071982000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections","title":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections","publishDate":1607071982,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Relational Capabilities and Vulnerability\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The truth about boys is that, like all human beings, they have relational capabilities and they are vulnerable. Boys’ relational capabilities include their capacity for thoughtful self-reflection, empathy, and compassion, which researchers have observed in boys as young as four years old and throughout adolescence. When we consider that boys, too, are emotional and relational as well as social beings, we gain insight into their vulnerability. For instance, we see that, because boys also crave personal relationships characterized by trust, understanding, and care, they are emotionally vulnerable to the pain of being ridiculed and rejected, just as they are physically vulnerable to the pain of bodily harm. On some level, we knew this already. Most of us have met boys who are self-aware, considerate of others, and responsive in their relationships. However, we are likely to view these “sensitive” boys to be exceptions rather than representative of boys as a group. As a society, we still tend to overlook boys’ relational capabilities and underestimate their vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that we do not expect to see them. We live in a society that associates emotions and relationships with femininity and conceptualizes masculinity and femininity as mutually exclusive opposites. To the extent that these gender stereotypes influence our assumptions about what boys are like and our expectations for how boys should act, we may be apt to acknowledge girls (but not boys) who are observant of emotions, invested in relationships, and attuned to social dynamics. Likewise, gender stereotypes lead us to regard vulnerability as socially permissible for girls but a weakness for boys. In turn, when boys glean that their vulnerability is considered a liability, they learn to hide and deny it. As neuroscientist Lise Eliot observes, “Kids rise or fall according to what we believe about them, and the more we dwell on the differences between boys and girls, the likelier such stereotypes are to crystallize into children’s self-perceptions and self-fulfilling prophecies.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that they are not always apparent. Although boys may be cognizant of their relational capabilities, they seem inclined to view these qualities and skills as setting them apart from, rather than enabling them to identify with and relate to, other boys. For instance, James, a seventh grader attending a private all-boys school, finds:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Most of the kids, they don’t, like, think about other people and, like, their feelings. They just think about themselves. But I’m different that way. I think about other people, and, uh, their feelings. So it’s kind of hard for me to talk to other people about what I’m feeling ’cause they don’t understand.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Andy, an eighth grader at the same school, similarly perceives his relational capabilities to distinguish him from his peers. As he reflects on his sensitivity to people’s feelings, Andy alternates between doubting himself and worrying that he will appear presumptuous when he shares his insights with others. As Andy explains:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I feel like I can sort of sense when somebody’s upset by what someone [else] said........... I sometimes feel like I am more aware than other people are........... I’ll confront them later about it and say, “Why did you say that? He’s really angry.” And they won’t notice [that the person is upset]. And I’m wondering if I’m wrong............ I’ve seen people with God complexes, and I don’t want to come across like that.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Boys are also cognizant of their vulnerability to being judged by others. As Max, a twelfth grader attending a private all-boys school, describes what he feels comfortable sharing about himself, he explains, “I don’t want to put my whole personality on the table for someone to understand, just ’cause I don’t want to be vulnerable like that.” Boys’ belief that their relational capabilities are an anomaly, combined with their fear of being misunderstood (and consequently ridiculed and/or rejected), makes them cautious about what they reveal. So, despite their desire for relationships in which they can feel truly known and accepted, boys refrain from sharing their personal thoughts and feelings, which may help them to fit in and make a good impression but can also compromise their presence in relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Gender Socialization\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>This process by which boys become self-conscious and selective about their self-expression reflects how they are actively reading and responding to their cultural and social contexts. Boys learn early and often that there are rules for how they ought to behave. Even if their parents manage to shield them from gender stereotypes, most children nevertheless encounter them through media and in their interactions with other adults and peers, especially once they enter school. Messages about what it means to be a boy or man and \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57057\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg 1707w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-800x1200.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1020x1530.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-160x240.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-768x1152.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1365x2048.jpg 1365w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>pressures to conform to masculine norms are sometimes conveyed explicitly, as when adults say, “boys don’t cry,” or instruct boys to “man up” or “take it like a man.” Socialization messages and pressures are also conveyed implicitly, as when peers punish boys who deviate from masculine norms by degrading or excluding them. Of course, girls also experience this kind of gender-policing. However, because our society generally values masculinity over femininity, deviating from gender norms can have more dire consequences for boys—in the sense that being called a “sissy” or “mama’s boy” usually is intended as an insult, whereas being called a “tomboy” can nowadays be intended as a compliment—at least until adolescence, when the sexualization of girls presents a new set of social expectations and risks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the main themes in boys’ gender socialization is that they must prove their masculinity and thereby their worth. Moreover, they must do so continually because anyone, at any time, can call their masculinity into question. In societies like ours that define masculinity in contrast to femininity, proving masculinity involves not only aligning with norms of masculine behavior but also eschewing anything deemed feminine. For instance, boys learn through their gender socialization to project a “masculine” image of physical toughness, emotional stoicism, and self-sufficiency and, perhaps more importantly, not to reveal their “feminine” vulnerability, sensitivity, and reliance on others for companionship and support. In essence, boys are taught that, to show that they are “big boys” (and not girls or babies), they must relinquish their “feminine” and “infantile” qualities—including their capacity and desire for emotionally close relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whereas the content of boys’ gender socialization informs their understanding of how they can gain social acceptance, the contexts in which boys encounter gender-specific expectations influence the extent to which they feel pressure to conform and the ways they choose to present themselves in their social interactions. Even if individual boys are supported elsewhere to express themselves openly and honestly, they may find it difficult (and unwise) to do so within, for instance, contexts that they perceive to be hierarchical, competitive, and antagonistic. Seth, a ninth grader attending a public high school, explains how the risk of being betrayed and targeted for harassment can make it unsafe to reveal personal feelings:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>If they know the way you feel and stuff, it’s sort of like they have an edge on you or something. They can, like, throw you down anytime they want—like, make fun of you if they want to or whatever.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Under such circumstances, boys who dare to reveal their relational capabilities and vulnerability risk not only their ability to be “one of the guys” but also their sense of security and control. Keen to avoid these risks (physical risks are another matter for concern), boys may put up a front, so to speak, and feign indifference by claiming, “I don’t care,” especially when they actually do. It is therefore likely, or at least possible, that boys’ alleged emotional and relational shortcomings do not reflect their nature but rather their accommodation to cultures of boyhood that—through gender-policing and shaming—lead them to cover up their relational capabilities and vulnerability for the sake of proving masculinity and protecting vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' (Adaptive But Costly) Masculine Posturing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Within potentially hostile contexts, the decision to adopt a defensive stance and conform to group and cultural norms of masculinity (e.g., to avoid standing out and drawing unwanted attention) could be considered socially adaptive. Nevertheless, there is a sense of loss when—as a result of their masculine posturing and other self-protective strategies—it becomes harder for boys to engage with others and vice versa. Although Andy explains that “[boys] want [people] to think that when we’re acting masculine, that’s just our normal way,” he finds that maintaining this public persona is not effortless and can interfere with his ability to be himself and feel at ease in his relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I really want to keep friends no matter what, but I don’t feel right when.....I have to act crazy around them just to keep that......I don’t think many people know me, like the way that I usually am. Most of them just see me joking around most of the time.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Other boys similarly struggle to develop the close relationships they seek when, in trying to be what they think other people expect of them, their pretense overshadows their presence. Maharth, an eleventh grader attending a private all-boys school, offers a case in point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Tom, you know, he’s my best friend......... Kids will come up to me and be like, “How can you hang out with Tom all the time?.......... That kid is so annoying. All he does is make wisecracks all day.”........ In school, [Tom] feels that he needs to fit in and this is what people recognize him for, like the jokes. And he thinks that’s what people appreciate. But the truth is . . . he’s not [like that] in real life....... If [kids] ever realized, like, who he really [is]....... I’m sure they’d like [him].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Through their gender socialization, boys are led to feel that it is not enough for them just to be themselves, so they must become something more or something else in order to be valued. Although their desire to maintain friendships and to have a place among their peers motivates their masculine posturing (e.g., acting crazy, joking around, making wisecracks), this approach often prevents other people from seeing and knowing who they really are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys continue throughout their lives to seek connections and resist disconnections, but their alignment with conventions of masculinity can lead them to suppress the very qualities and skills that enable them to relate to others in meaningful ways. For instance, whereas boys in their early childhood demonstrate the ability to be articulate, direct, authentic, and attentive in their relationships, they begin to appear inarticulate, indirect, inauthentic, and inattentive as they become adept at projecting an image of masculinity that is familiar (because it is consistent with gender stereotypes) but misrepresents them. Moreover, when boys wear the mask of masculinity, don a tough guise, or assume a cool pose, they not only hide their relational capabilities and vulnerability from view, but also display attitudes and behaviors that tend to keep others at a distance. Ironically, boys’ conformity to masculine norms that are supposed to ensure social acceptance and a sense of belonging may inadvertently sabotage their chances of developing the emotionally close relationships they need and want, leaving them feeling isolated and lonely instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to having implications for their relationships, boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity has also been linked to psychological and social indicators of decreased well-being. For instance, adolescent boys who believe it is important for boys and men to adhere to traditional norms of masculinity tend to report lower self-esteem and a sense of insecurity. These boys are also more likely to use alcohol and drugs, engage in delinquent activity, be suspended from school, and engage in risky sexual behaviors. In the extreme, boys’ internalization of masculine norms—particularly the denial of sadness and pain, the unchecked sense of entitlement, and the need to project bravado—can contribute to violent behaviors with devastating consequences.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity can also influence their engagement at school and educational outcomes. For instance, boys who conform to masculine norms tend to be less engaged at school, less likely to enjoy school, and more likely to avoid school. They also tend to score lower on their math exams. Raj, an eighth grader attending a public middle school, explains how masculine aloofness, or being “cool,” can conflict with making an effort in school:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>A lot of people who are cool do not do as well in school as they should. . . . I don’t think it’s uncool [to do well in school], but it’s uncool to try hard. I mean, like, you can be smart, but to do extra . . . and to worry about school, to worry about getting good grades, to worry, to study for the test [is not cool].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>A boy who is disengaged might act as though he neither needs nor cares about anything having to do with school, except maybe sports. Additionally, societal expectations for boys to appear coolly disengaged can prevent those who are struggling from admitting it, particularly if they have been socialized to view such vulnerability as emasculating and to associate seeking help with weakness and shame. Thus, a boy’s disengagement at school may not necessarily reflect an inability to learn or a lack of interest in learning, but a socially imposed need for boys to abide by rules of masculinity that are not conducive to school achievement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://judyychu.wordpress.com\">Judy Y. Chu, Ed.D.\u003c/a> is a Lecturer in the Program in Human Biology at Stanford University, where she teaches a course on Boys’ Psychosocial Development. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Social expectations around being masculine can interfere with a boy's ability to make genuine friends, know oneself and do well in school, especially during adolescence. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1607071982,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":27,"wordCount":2517},"headData":{"title":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections - MindShift","description":"Social expectations around being masculine can interfere with a boy's ability to make genuine friends, know oneself and do well in school, especially during adolescence. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections","datePublished":"2020-12-04T08:53:02.000Z","dateModified":"2020-12-04T08:53:02.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"57024 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=57024","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2020/12/04/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections/","disqusTitle":"For Adolescent Boys, Maintaining Masculinity Can Stymie Genuine Connections","path":"/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Relational Capabilities and Vulnerability\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>The truth about boys is that, like all human beings, they have relational capabilities and they are vulnerable. Boys’ relational capabilities include their capacity for thoughtful self-reflection, empathy, and compassion, which researchers have observed in boys as young as four years old and throughout adolescence. When we consider that boys, too, are emotional and relational as well as social beings, we gain insight into their vulnerability. For instance, we see that, because boys also crave personal relationships characterized by trust, understanding, and care, they are emotionally vulnerable to the pain of being ridiculed and rejected, just as they are physically vulnerable to the pain of bodily harm. On some level, we knew this already. Most of us have met boys who are self-aware, considerate of others, and responsive in their relationships. However, we are likely to view these “sensitive” boys to be exceptions rather than representative of boys as a group. As a society, we still tend to overlook boys’ relational capabilities and underestimate their vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that we do not expect to see them. We live in a society that associates emotions and relationships with femininity and conceptualizes masculinity and femininity as mutually exclusive opposites. To the extent that these gender stereotypes influence our assumptions about what boys are like and our expectations for how boys should act, we may be apt to acknowledge girls (but not boys) who are observant of emotions, invested in relationships, and attuned to social dynamics. Likewise, gender stereotypes lead us to regard vulnerability as socially permissible for girls but a weakness for boys. In turn, when boys glean that their vulnerability is considered a liability, they learn to hide and deny it. As neuroscientist Lise Eliot observes, “Kids rise or fall according to what we believe about them, and the more we dwell on the differences between boys and girls, the likelier such stereotypes are to crystallize into children’s self-perceptions and self-fulfilling prophecies.”\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Another reason why we may not notice boys’ relational capabilities and vulnerability is that they are not always apparent. Although boys may be cognizant of their relational capabilities, they seem inclined to view these qualities and skills as setting them apart from, rather than enabling them to identify with and relate to, other boys. For instance, James, a seventh grader attending a private all-boys school, finds:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Most of the kids, they don’t, like, think about other people and, like, their feelings. They just think about themselves. But I’m different that way. I think about other people, and, uh, their feelings. So it’s kind of hard for me to talk to other people about what I’m feeling ’cause they don’t understand.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Andy, an eighth grader at the same school, similarly perceives his relational capabilities to distinguish him from his peers. As he reflects on his sensitivity to people’s feelings, Andy alternates between doubting himself and worrying that he will appear presumptuous when he shares his insights with others. As Andy explains:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I feel like I can sort of sense when somebody’s upset by what someone [else] said........... I sometimes feel like I am more aware than other people are........... I’ll confront them later about it and say, “Why did you say that? He’s really angry.” And they won’t notice [that the person is upset]. And I’m wondering if I’m wrong............ I’ve seen people with God complexes, and I don’t want to come across like that.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Boys are also cognizant of their vulnerability to being judged by others. As Max, a twelfth grader attending a private all-boys school, describes what he feels comfortable sharing about himself, he explains, “I don’t want to put my whole personality on the table for someone to understand, just ’cause I don’t want to be vulnerable like that.” Boys’ belief that their relational capabilities are an anomaly, combined with their fear of being misunderstood (and consequently ridiculed and/or rejected), makes them cautious about what they reveal. So, despite their desire for relationships in which they can feel truly known and accepted, boys refrain from sharing their personal thoughts and feelings, which may help them to fit in and make a good impression but can also compromise their presence in relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' Gender Socialization\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>This process by which boys become self-conscious and selective about their self-expression reflects how they are actively reading and responding to their cultural and social contexts. Boys learn early and often that there are rules for how they ought to behave. Even if their parents manage to shield them from gender stereotypes, most children nevertheless encounter them through media and in their interactions with other adults and peers, especially once they enter school. Messages about what it means to be a boy or man and \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">\u003cimg class=\"alignright wp-image-57057\" src=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-scaled.jpg 1707w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-800x1200.jpg 800w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1020x1530.jpg 1020w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-160x240.jpg 160w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-768x1152.jpg 768w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2020/12/HEP_Sadowski_cover-1365x2048.jpg 1365w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\">\u003c/a>pressures to conform to masculine norms are sometimes conveyed explicitly, as when adults say, “boys don’t cry,” or instruct boys to “man up” or “take it like a man.” Socialization messages and pressures are also conveyed implicitly, as when peers punish boys who deviate from masculine norms by degrading or excluding them. Of course, girls also experience this kind of gender-policing. However, because our society generally values masculinity over femininity, deviating from gender norms can have more dire consequences for boys—in the sense that being called a “sissy” or “mama’s boy” usually is intended as an insult, whereas being called a “tomboy” can nowadays be intended as a compliment—at least until adolescence, when the sexualization of girls presents a new set of social expectations and risks.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>One of the main themes in boys’ gender socialization is that they must prove their masculinity and thereby their worth. Moreover, they must do so continually because anyone, at any time, can call their masculinity into question. In societies like ours that define masculinity in contrast to femininity, proving masculinity involves not only aligning with norms of masculine behavior but also eschewing anything deemed feminine. For instance, boys learn through their gender socialization to project a “masculine” image of physical toughness, emotional stoicism, and self-sufficiency and, perhaps more importantly, not to reveal their “feminine” vulnerability, sensitivity, and reliance on others for companionship and support. In essence, boys are taught that, to show that they are “big boys” (and not girls or babies), they must relinquish their “feminine” and “infantile” qualities—including their capacity and desire for emotionally close relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Whereas the content of boys’ gender socialization informs their understanding of how they can gain social acceptance, the contexts in which boys encounter gender-specific expectations influence the extent to which they feel pressure to conform and the ways they choose to present themselves in their social interactions. Even if individual boys are supported elsewhere to express themselves openly and honestly, they may find it difficult (and unwise) to do so within, for instance, contexts that they perceive to be hierarchical, competitive, and antagonistic. Seth, a ninth grader attending a public high school, explains how the risk of being betrayed and targeted for harassment can make it unsafe to reveal personal feelings:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>If they know the way you feel and stuff, it’s sort of like they have an edge on you or something. They can, like, throw you down anytime they want—like, make fun of you if they want to or whatever.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Under such circumstances, boys who dare to reveal their relational capabilities and vulnerability risk not only their ability to be “one of the guys” but also their sense of security and control. Keen to avoid these risks (physical risks are another matter for concern), boys may put up a front, so to speak, and feign indifference by claiming, “I don’t care,” especially when they actually do. It is therefore likely, or at least possible, that boys’ alleged emotional and relational shortcomings do not reflect their nature but rather their accommodation to cultures of boyhood that—through gender-policing and shaming—lead them to cover up their relational capabilities and vulnerability for the sake of proving masculinity and protecting vulnerability.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Boys' (Adaptive But Costly) Masculine Posturing\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>Within potentially hostile contexts, the decision to adopt a defensive stance and conform to group and cultural norms of masculinity (e.g., to avoid standing out and drawing unwanted attention) could be considered socially adaptive. Nevertheless, there is a sense of loss when—as a result of their masculine posturing and other self-protective strategies—it becomes harder for boys to engage with others and vice versa. Although Andy explains that “[boys] want [people] to think that when we’re acting masculine, that’s just our normal way,” he finds that maintaining this public persona is not effortless and can interfere with his ability to be himself and feel at ease in his relationships.\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>I really want to keep friends no matter what, but I don’t feel right when.....I have to act crazy around them just to keep that......I don’t think many people know me, like the way that I usually am. Most of them just see me joking around most of the time.\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Other boys similarly struggle to develop the close relationships they seek when, in trying to be what they think other people expect of them, their pretense overshadows their presence. Maharth, an eleventh grader attending a private all-boys school, offers a case in point:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>Tom, you know, he’s my best friend......... Kids will come up to me and be like, “How can you hang out with Tom all the time?.......... That kid is so annoying. All he does is make wisecracks all day.”........ In school, [Tom] feels that he needs to fit in and this is what people recognize him for, like the jokes. And he thinks that’s what people appreciate. But the truth is . . . he’s not [like that] in real life....... If [kids] ever realized, like, who he really [is]....... I’m sure they’d like [him].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>Through their gender socialization, boys are led to feel that it is not enough for them just to be themselves, so they must become something more or something else in order to be valued. Although their desire to maintain friendships and to have a place among their peers motivates their masculine posturing (e.g., acting crazy, joking around, making wisecracks), this approach often prevents other people from seeing and knowing who they really are.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys continue throughout their lives to seek connections and resist disconnections, but their alignment with conventions of masculinity can lead them to suppress the very qualities and skills that enable them to relate to others in meaningful ways. For instance, whereas boys in their early childhood demonstrate the ability to be articulate, direct, authentic, and attentive in their relationships, they begin to appear inarticulate, indirect, inauthentic, and inattentive as they become adept at projecting an image of masculinity that is familiar (because it is consistent with gender stereotypes) but misrepresents them. Moreover, when boys wear the mask of masculinity, don a tough guise, or assume a cool pose, they not only hide their relational capabilities and vulnerability from view, but also display attitudes and behaviors that tend to keep others at a distance. Ironically, boys’ conformity to masculine norms that are supposed to ensure social acceptance and a sense of belonging may inadvertently sabotage their chances of developing the emotionally close relationships they need and want, leaving them feeling isolated and lonely instead.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In addition to having implications for their relationships, boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity has also been linked to psychological and social indicators of decreased well-being. For instance, adolescent boys who believe it is important for boys and men to adhere to traditional norms of masculinity tend to report lower self-esteem and a sense of insecurity. These boys are also more likely to use alcohol and drugs, engage in delinquent activity, be suspended from school, and engage in risky sexual behaviors. In the extreme, boys’ internalization of masculine norms—particularly the denial of sadness and pain, the unchecked sense of entitlement, and the need to project bravado—can contribute to violent behaviors with devastating consequences.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Boys’ alignment with conventions of masculinity can also influence their engagement at school and educational outcomes. For instance, boys who conform to masculine norms tend to be less engaged at school, less likely to enjoy school, and more likely to avoid school. They also tend to score lower on their math exams. Raj, an eighth grader attending a public middle school, explains how masculine aloofness, or being “cool,” can conflict with making an effort in school:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>A lot of people who are cool do not do as well in school as they should. . . . I don’t think it’s uncool [to do well in school], but it’s uncool to try hard. I mean, like, you can be smart, but to do extra . . . and to worry about school, to worry about getting good grades, to worry, to study for the test [is not cool].\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>A boy who is disengaged might act as though he neither needs nor cares about anything having to do with school, except maybe sports. Additionally, societal expectations for boys to appear coolly disengaged can prevent those who are struggling from admitting it, particularly if they have been socialized to view such vulnerability as emasculating and to associate seeking help with weakness and shame. Thus, a boy’s disengagement at school may not necessarily reflect an inability to learn or a lack of interest in learning, but a socially imposed need for boys to abide by rules of masculinity that are not conducive to school achievement.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Excerpted with permission from Judy Y. Chu, The Truth about Boys. In Michael Sadowski (Ed.), \u003ca href=\"https://www.hepg.org/hep-home/books/adolescents-at-school-third-edition\">Adolescents at School: Perspectives on Youth, Identity, and Education\u003c/a>, 3rd edition, pp. 107-112, October 2020, published by Harvard Education Press. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>\u003ca href=\"https://judyychu.wordpress.com\">Judy Y. Chu, Ed.D.\u003c/a> is a Lecturer in the Program in Human Biology at Stanford University, where she teaches a course on Boys’ Psychosocial Development. \u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp> \u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/57024/for-adolescent-boys-maintaining-masculinity-can-stymie-genuine-connections","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_21280"],"tags":["mindshift_21093","mindshift_20811","mindshift_20698","mindshift_21330","mindshift_145","mindshift_21331","mindshift_21213","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_57059","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_54878":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_54878","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"54878","score":null,"sort":[1580369049000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn","title":"How Strengthening Relationships with Boys Can Help Them Learn","publishDate":1580369049,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Years ago, when Michael Reichert’s oldest son was born, he and his wife made a commitment to shield him from the “toxic pressures and cultural norms that we believed would try to steal our son’s humanity from him.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But it turns out that parents can’t build a wall around their children, says Reichert, a clinical psychologist and author of \"\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Boy-Power-Connection/dp/0143133209\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\" What parents and teachers \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">can\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> do is strengthen boys’ resilience to be themselves.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert is hopeful that a new space is opening up in how we think about boys and boyhood. For generations, he says, “we have rationalized a wide range of losses and casualties” by repeating intractable myths: “Oh, that’s just the nature of boys, or boys just don’t do as well in classrooms, or boys don’t do well with emotional intimacy.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">These persistent stereotypes have influenced how we interacted with boys from infancy, says Reichert, and infiltrated our classrooms and playing fields. For example, he points to a long-term \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nyupress.org/9780814764800/when-boys-become-boys/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of boys between ages 4 and 6. Researchers found that boys dramatically changed how they related to others during these years as they “absorbed norms for how they were supposed to act as boys.” They traveled from “presence to pretense,” says Reichert\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">from being emotionally honest in relationships with peers to using posturing and bravado as they adhered to group norms about how boys “should” behave. In molding their behavior to this standard, “it cost them their authenticity, exuberance, and confidence.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Boys Are Relational Learners\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There are troubling statistics about boys in K-12 schools. They are more likely to drop out of school than their female peers, and according to data from the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://ocrdata.ed.gov/Downloads/CRDC-School-Discipline-Snapshot.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Department of Education\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, boys account for approximately 70% of all suspensions and expulsions, a rate that is disproportionately higher for boys of color. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To support boys in our classrooms, Reichert points to one robust, consistent finding from his 30 years of research: boys are relational learners. They learn best in the context of strong, supportive relationships. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In one study, Reichert and his team gathered data from 2,500 teachers and students in six different countries. He asked the boys and their teachers one simple question: “What’s worked?” For teachers, what has worked to help you reach boys? For boys, what have teachers done that has worked to support your learning and engagement? When the researchers coded the data, a couple of themes emerged. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">First, effective teachers used strategies to capture boys’ attention and then carried that energy into the lesson. The strongest teachers entered into a relationship with the class, using feedback from students to refine the lesson until it worked.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But another dominant theme came from the boys themselves. “In the survey, we said, ‘Please don’t mention names or provide identifying information,' ” says Reichert, but the boys ignored those instructions and described teachers’ personalities in detail. They cared about the relationships they had with teachers. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“We, the adults who design the structures and pedagogy they experience \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">we were missing something. The boys, however, were very, very clear about it: They are relational learners. This is first base.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Healing Relationship Breakdowns\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If relationships are central to engaging boys in academics, then teachers need tools for healing inevitable “relational breakdowns.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Every teacher in every classroom has some students who they have a hard time working with,” says Reichert. And in any relationship, there is a natural cycle of connection, disconnection, and then reconnection. But this process does not always go smoothly. After teachers have tried multiple strategies for reaching a student, they can enter “defensive, self-protective mode,” says Reichert, thinking, “I’ve done everything I can, so the next step is his” or “That boy’s learning issues or behavior or family issues are just too much.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[mindshift-podcast]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert’s research found that, for boys, these relational breakdowns with teachers were highly consequential, causing them to construct self-concepts around failure and to turn off from certain subjects or school altogether.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Here’s the rub,” says Reichert. “In our research, we have heard about every kind of problem, and we have also heard from boys who were being reached and transformed” despite those problems. “Every boy, theoretically, can be reached by a teacher or a coach,” he says, and adults need to hold out hope that “if they find the right relational approach, they will be able to reach the boy they are having a hard time with.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert contends that the job of being a relationship manager “follows the professional,” and that as professionals, teachers need to take the lead in “instigating repair for relationships that have been damaged.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Why? In his research, he found that even high-achieving boys struggle with approaching teachers when a relationship has soured. “I put together a focus group of boys at one school– top students. When I asked, ‘Do you have breakdowns in relationships with teachers?’ they were immediately able to tell stories. What did you do to fix it? Nothing, they said.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When he probed them to explain why, the boys described a power asymmetry with adults. They did not perceive that it was within their role to initiate restorative conversations. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Of course, this also speaks to the need to coach boys with concrete strategies they can use when they are in a conflict with a teacher, says Reichert, and parents can help with this. “We need parents to sign up to the idea that the relationship between the teacher and the student is primary. Our job is not to swoop in and solve the problem but to empower the boy to go back to the teacher and work it out.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Creating a System of Support\u003c/h2>\n\u003cdiv>If schools want to reach boys, strengthen their emotional resilience, and help them stay engaged in school, school leaders need to focus on “relational learning” from the top down. Take a look at mission statements, professional development, schedules, and class sizes. Do these basic structures support transformative relationships between teachers and students?\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>Teachers and coaches also benefit from peer networks that can help them “reset their own thinking about a relationship that has gone south.” Reichert suggests structuring small groups where teachers can safely present a case about a boy they have been struggling with -- describing what’s happening, what’s been done, and how they feel. “It breaks teachers’ hearts when they can’t make it work with a student,” says Reichert. These peer networks normalize the struggle and provide an opportunity to receive emotional support and practical, strategic feedback.\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Parenting Emotionally Resilient Boys\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The most basic way to support boys’ emotional and character development is also the simplest: listen to them. “Listening is the most important tool parents have for building boys’ resilience,” says Reichert. “I haven’t found a boy who doesn’t have a story he wants to tell. Boys are simply not getting the opportunity to be listened to deeply.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Both boys and girls have rich emotional lives, but the expression of these feelings may differ because of cultural expectations. “We tell girls not to show anger, to be nice,” says Reichert. “And we tell boys not to show vulnerability or fear, to suck it up or man up.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When parents open up space for boys to talk, they can nurture a healthier range of emotional expression. “Establish with your son that you are interested in him,” says Reichert. “Yesterday, for what duration did you listen to your son? Not correcting him, listening. Often we are simply not very good at it because no one listened to us much.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert advocates scheduling a block of time each week\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">even 30 minutes\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">where the only task is to “accompany your son on anything he wants to do with you.” That might be playing video games or listening to music. Consistency is the key, because “a boy can come to count on there being a space where he can have a parent's full attention.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When boys are cut off from their ability to process intense emotions, they are going to act it out in some way\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">whether that’s teasing siblings or resisting homework. This is almost always a cry for an intervention, says Reichert. He recommends calmly employing the listen-limit-listen strategy. First, listen to your child’s complaints or frustrations\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">the emotions that are on the surface. Then, limit the harmful behavior (“I’m not going to let you treat your sister this way. I’m not going to let you lie to me about your homework. You are better than that.”). When parents set limits, “more emotions will flare into the open,” says Reichert, and right beneath the surface will be another layer\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">such as a teacher who is giving him a hard time or a peer conflict\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that “you would never have found out if you didn’t give him space to peel back the layers and help him be himself.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ultimately, what boys really need to thrive is a strong connection to at least one stable, loving adult, says Reichert. “Here’s what we are trying to accomplish: every boy known and loved, every boy having the sense that someone has ‘got him’\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that someone who knows who he his and what he’s facing and really cares.” They need a relational anchor, and parents, teachers and coaches can all be “that someone” in the life of a boy.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"Psychologist and author Michael Reichert has found that boys learn better when they have a genuine relationship with their teacher. This should be obvious, but developing relationship skills can be difficult to support when boys receive unhealthy cultural messages about how they should behave. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1593710838,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":27,"wordCount":1732},"headData":{"title":"How Strengthening Relationships with Boys Can Help Them Learn - MindShift","description":"Psychologist and author Michael Reichert has found that boys learn better when they have a genuine relationship with their teacher. This should be obvious, but developing relationship skills can be difficult to support when boys receive unhealthy cultural messages about how they should behave. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How Strengthening Relationships with Boys Can Help Them Learn","datePublished":"2020-01-30T07:24:09.000Z","dateModified":"2020-07-02T17:27:18.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"54878 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=54878","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2020/01/29/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn/","disqusTitle":"How Strengthening Relationships with Boys Can Help Them Learn","path":"/mindshift/54878/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Years ago, when Michael Reichert’s oldest son was born, he and his wife made a commitment to shield him from the “toxic pressures and cultural norms that we believed would try to steal our son’s humanity from him.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But it turns out that parents can’t build a wall around their children, says Reichert, a clinical psychologist and author of \"\u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Boy-Power-Connection/dp/0143133209\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">.\" What parents and teachers \u003c/span>\u003ci>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">can\u003c/span>\u003c/i>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> do is strengthen boys’ resilience to be themselves.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert is hopeful that a new space is opening up in how we think about boys and boyhood. For generations, he says, “we have rationalized a wide range of losses and casualties” by repeating intractable myths: “Oh, that’s just the nature of boys, or boys just don’t do as well in classrooms, or boys don’t do well with emotional intimacy.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">These persistent stereotypes have influenced how we interacted with boys from infancy, says Reichert, and infiltrated our classrooms and playing fields. For example, he points to a long-term \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://nyupress.org/9780814764800/when-boys-become-boys/\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">study\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\"> of boys between ages 4 and 6. Researchers found that boys dramatically changed how they related to others during these years as they “absorbed norms for how they were supposed to act as boys.” They traveled from “presence to pretense,” says Reichert\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">from being emotionally honest in relationships with peers to using posturing and bravado as they adhered to group norms about how boys “should” behave. In molding their behavior to this standard, “it cost them their authenticity, exuberance, and confidence.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Boys Are Relational Learners\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">There are troubling statistics about boys in K-12 schools. They are more likely to drop out of school than their female peers, and according to data from the \u003c/span>\u003ca href=\"https://ocrdata.ed.gov/Downloads/CRDC-School-Discipline-Snapshot.pdf\">\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Department of Education\u003c/span>\u003c/a>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">, boys account for approximately 70% of all suspensions and expulsions, a rate that is disproportionately higher for boys of color. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">To support boys in our classrooms, Reichert points to one robust, consistent finding from his 30 years of research: boys are relational learners. They learn best in the context of strong, supportive relationships. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">In one study, Reichert and his team gathered data from 2,500 teachers and students in six different countries. He asked the boys and their teachers one simple question: “What’s worked?” For teachers, what has worked to help you reach boys? For boys, what have teachers done that has worked to support your learning and engagement? When the researchers coded the data, a couple of themes emerged. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">First, effective teachers used strategies to capture boys’ attention and then carried that energy into the lesson. The strongest teachers entered into a relationship with the class, using feedback from students to refine the lesson until it worked.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">But another dominant theme came from the boys themselves. “In the survey, we said, ‘Please don’t mention names or provide identifying information,' ” says Reichert, but the boys ignored those instructions and described teachers’ personalities in detail. They cared about the relationships they had with teachers. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“We, the adults who design the structures and pedagogy they experience \u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">we were missing something. The boys, however, were very, very clear about it: They are relational learners. This is first base.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Healing Relationship Breakdowns\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">If relationships are central to engaging boys in academics, then teachers need tools for healing inevitable “relational breakdowns.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Every teacher in every classroom has some students who they have a hard time working with,” says Reichert. And in any relationship, there is a natural cycle of connection, disconnection, and then reconnection. But this process does not always go smoothly. After teachers have tried multiple strategies for reaching a student, they can enter “defensive, self-protective mode,” says Reichert, thinking, “I’ve done everything I can, so the next step is his” or “That boy’s learning issues or behavior or family issues are just too much.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003caside class=\"alignleft utils-parseShortcode-shortcodes-__mindshiftPodcastShortcode__mindshift\">\u003cimg src=https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/mindshiftLogo.png alt=\"Bay Curious Podcast\" />\n \u003ca href=\"/mindshift/category/mindshiftpodcast\">MindShift\u003c/a> has a podcast! Listen on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, NPR One or your favorite podcast app.\n Subscribe on \u003ca href=\"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/stories-teachers-share-mindshift/id1078765985\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Apple Podcasts\u003c/a>,\n \u003ca href=\"https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/I4hhfs3azg3avjzbuowzeal5sze\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Google Podcasts\u003c/a>,\n \u003ca href=\"https://one.npr.org/?sharedMediaId=669511148:669511150\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">NPR One\u003c/a>,\n \u003ca href=\"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Stitcher\u003c/a>,\n \u003ca href=\"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Spotify\u003c/a> or your favorite podcast platform.\u003c/aside>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert’s research found that, for boys, these relational breakdowns with teachers were highly consequential, causing them to construct self-concepts around failure and to turn off from certain subjects or school altogether.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">“Here’s the rub,” says Reichert. “In our research, we have heard about every kind of problem, and we have also heard from boys who were being reached and transformed” despite those problems. “Every boy, theoretically, can be reached by a teacher or a coach,” he says, and adults need to hold out hope that “if they find the right relational approach, they will be able to reach the boy they are having a hard time with.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert contends that the job of being a relationship manager “follows the professional,” and that as professionals, teachers need to take the lead in “instigating repair for relationships that have been damaged.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Why? In his research, he found that even high-achieving boys struggle with approaching teachers when a relationship has soured. “I put together a focus group of boys at one school– top students. When I asked, ‘Do you have breakdowns in relationships with teachers?’ they were immediately able to tell stories. What did you do to fix it? Nothing, they said.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When he probed them to explain why, the boys described a power asymmetry with adults. They did not perceive that it was within their role to initiate restorative conversations. \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Of course, this also speaks to the need to coach boys with concrete strategies they can use when they are in a conflict with a teacher, says Reichert, and parents can help with this. “We need parents to sign up to the idea that the relationship between the teacher and the student is primary. Our job is not to swoop in and solve the problem but to empower the boy to go back to the teacher and work it out.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003ch2>Creating a System of Support\u003c/h2>\n\u003cdiv>If schools want to reach boys, strengthen their emotional resilience, and help them stay engaged in school, school leaders need to focus on “relational learning” from the top down. Take a look at mission statements, professional development, schedules, and class sizes. Do these basic structures support transformative relationships between teachers and students?\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>Teachers and coaches also benefit from peer networks that can help them “reset their own thinking about a relationship that has gone south.” Reichert suggests structuring small groups where teachers can safely present a case about a boy they have been struggling with -- describing what’s happening, what’s been done, and how they feel. “It breaks teachers’ hearts when they can’t make it work with a student,” says Reichert. These peer networks normalize the struggle and provide an opportunity to receive emotional support and practical, strategic feedback.\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\u003c/div>\n\u003cdiv>\n\u003ch2>\u003cb>Parenting Emotionally Resilient Boys\u003c/b>\u003c/h2>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">The most basic way to support boys’ emotional and character development is also the simplest: listen to them. “Listening is the most important tool parents have for building boys’ resilience,” says Reichert. “I haven’t found a boy who doesn’t have a story he wants to tell. Boys are simply not getting the opportunity to be listened to deeply.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Both boys and girls have rich emotional lives, but the expression of these feelings may differ because of cultural expectations. “We tell girls not to show anger, to be nice,” says Reichert. “And we tell boys not to show vulnerability or fear, to suck it up or man up.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When parents open up space for boys to talk, they can nurture a healthier range of emotional expression. “Establish with your son that you are interested in him,” says Reichert. “Yesterday, for what duration did you listen to your son? Not correcting him, listening. Often we are simply not very good at it because no one listened to us much.” \u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Reichert advocates scheduling a block of time each week\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">even 30 minutes\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">where the only task is to “accompany your son on anything he wants to do with you.” That might be playing video games or listening to music. Consistency is the key, because “a boy can come to count on there being a space where he can have a parent's full attention.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">When boys are cut off from their ability to process intense emotions, they are going to act it out in some way\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">whether that’s teasing siblings or resisting homework. This is almost always a cry for an intervention, says Reichert. He recommends calmly employing the listen-limit-listen strategy. First, listen to your child’s complaints or frustrations\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">the emotions that are on the surface. Then, limit the harmful behavior (“I’m not going to let you treat your sister this way. I’m not going to let you lie to me about your homework. You are better than that.”). When parents set limits, “more emotions will flare into the open,” says Reichert, and right beneath the surface will be another layer\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">such as a teacher who is giving him a hard time or a peer conflict\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that “you would never have found out if you didn’t give him space to peel back the layers and help him be himself.”\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">Ultimately, what boys really need to thrive is a strong connection to at least one stable, loving adult, says Reichert. “Here’s what we are trying to accomplish: every boy known and loved, every boy having the sense that someone has ‘got him’\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">—\u003c/span>\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: 400\">that someone who knows who he his and what he’s facing and really cares.” They need a relational anchor, and parents, teachers and coaches can all be “that someone” in the life of a boy.\u003c/span>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\n\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/54878/how-strengthening-relationships-with-boys-can-help-them-learn","authors":["11087"],"categories":["mindshift_20729"],"tags":["mindshift_20698","mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_21330","mindshift_20568","mindshift_21331","mindshift_21213","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_55253","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_48454":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_48454","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"48454","score":null,"sort":[1498651876000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"how-the-way-we-talk-to-boys-may-be-stunting-them","title":"How The Way We Talk to Boys May Be Stunting Them","publishDate":1498651876,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>Over the last several decades researchers have examined the differences in how boys and girls are treated by parents, teachers, employers and society extensively. They've looked at \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2012/07/16/why-stereotyping-threatens-the-influence-of-women-in-science/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">stereotype threat\u003c/a> that can keep women out of fields requiring high levels of science and math; they've dissected \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/04/24/giving-good-praise-to-girls-what-messages-stick/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">when and how gendered messages begin\u003c/a>; and have examined the \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/05/17/can-a-toy-spark-interest-in-engineering-for-girls/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">toys\u003c/a> that may contribute to the problem. But far less has been researched about how those same issues \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2012/03/09/can-stereotyping-girls-harm-boys-too/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">affect boys\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's beginning to change and the initial indications are that gender stereotypes show up in how parents speak to their male children, the \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/06/25/why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">expectations set for their behavior\u003c/a>, and even the physical support they offer boys. This masculinity research runs in parallel to another set of research showing that the ability to access and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2017/02/28/emotional-agility-as-a-tool-to-help-teens-manage-their-feelings/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">talk about emotions \u003c/a>makes people more resilient. So why would we deprive our boys of that advantage? In his \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/15/well/family/talking-to-boys-the-way-we-talk-to-girls.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fwell-family&action=click&contentCollection=family®ion=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=sectionfront&_r=0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">New York Times article\u003c/a> Andrew Reiner explains:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>We tell ourselves we are preparing our sons to fight (literally and figuratively), to compete in a world and economy that’s brutish and callous. The sooner we can groom them for this dystopian future, the better off they’ll be. But the Harvard psychologist Susan David insists the opposite is true: “Research shows that people who suppress emotions have lower-level resilience and emotional health.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>How can we change this? We can start, says Dr. David, by letting boys experience their emotions, all of them, without judgment — or by offering them solutions. This means helping them learn the crucial lessons that “Emotions aren’t good or bad” and that “their emotions aren’t bigger than they are. They aren’t something to fear.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/15/well/family/talking-to-boys-the-way-we-talk-to-girls.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fwell-family&action=click&contentCollection=family®ion=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=sectionfront&_r=0\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"When adults reinforce stereotypes by communicating differently to boys, the child's emotional health and sense of resilience can suffer. ","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1498651876,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":6,"wordCount":341},"headData":{"title":"How The Way We Talk to Boys May Be Stunting Them | KQED","description":"When adults reinforce stereotypes by communicating differently to boys, the child's emotional health and sense of resilience can suffer. ","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"How The Way We Talk to Boys May Be Stunting Them","datePublished":"2017-06-28T12:11:16.000Z","dateModified":"2017-06-28T12:11:16.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"48454 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=48454","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2017/06/28/how-the-way-we-talk-to-boys-may-be-stunting-them/","disqusTitle":"How The Way We Talk to Boys May Be Stunting Them","path":"/mindshift/48454/how-the-way-we-talk-to-boys-may-be-stunting-them","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>Over the last several decades researchers have examined the differences in how boys and girls are treated by parents, teachers, employers and society extensively. They've looked at \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2012/07/16/why-stereotyping-threatens-the-influence-of-women-in-science/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">stereotype threat\u003c/a> that can keep women out of fields requiring high levels of science and math; they've dissected \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/04/24/giving-good-praise-to-girls-what-messages-stick/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">when and how gendered messages begin\u003c/a>; and have examined the \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/05/17/can-a-toy-spark-interest-in-engineering-for-girls/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">toys\u003c/a> that may contribute to the problem. But far less has been researched about how those same issues \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2012/03/09/can-stereotyping-girls-harm-boys-too/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">affect boys\u003c/a>.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>That's beginning to change and the initial indications are that gender stereotypes show up in how parents speak to their male children, the \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/06/25/why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">expectations set for their behavior\u003c/a>, and even the physical support they offer boys. This masculinity research runs in parallel to another set of research showing that the ability to access and \u003ca href=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2017/02/28/emotional-agility-as-a-tool-to-help-teens-manage-their-feelings/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">talk about emotions \u003c/a>makes people more resilient. So why would we deprive our boys of that advantage? In his \u003ca href=\"https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/15/well/family/talking-to-boys-the-way-we-talk-to-girls.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fwell-family&action=click&contentCollection=family®ion=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=sectionfront&_r=0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">New York Times article\u003c/a> Andrew Reiner explains:\u003c/p>\n\u003cblockquote>\u003cp>We tell ourselves we are preparing our sons to fight (literally and figuratively), to compete in a world and economy that’s brutish and callous. The sooner we can groom them for this dystopian future, the better off they’ll be. But the Harvard psychologist Susan David insists the opposite is true: “Research shows that people who suppress emotions have lower-level resilience and emotional health.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>How can we change this? We can start, says Dr. David, by letting boys experience their emotions, all of them, without judgment — or by offering them solutions. This means helping them learn the crucial lessons that “Emotions aren’t good or bad” and that “their emotions aren’t bigger than they are. They aren’t something to fear.\"\u003c/p>\u003c/blockquote>\n\u003cp>https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/15/well/family/talking-to-boys-the-way-we-talk-to-girls.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fwell-family&action=click&contentCollection=family®ion=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=sectionfront&_r=0\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/48454/how-the-way-we-talk-to-boys-may-be-stunting-them","authors":["234"],"categories":["mindshift_192"],"tags":["mindshift_20698","mindshift_20784","mindshift_1040","mindshift_21038","mindshift_943","mindshift_21053"],"featImg":"mindshift_48456","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_48506":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_48506","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"48506","score":null,"sort":[1466259512000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"is-it-ok-for-boys-to-cry","title":"Is It OK For Boys To Cry?","publishDate":1466259512,"format":"standard","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cp>A few weeks ago at a soccer game I was coaching, my team got trounced. They are 7 and they are not used to losing. As soon as I called the game and they realized what had just happened, two of the boys burst out crying.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first one cried loudly, and desperately. He was upset because he hadn't run hard enough or passed enough or scored enough goals. It was the cry of a battle commander who had let his troops down, and his father hugged him proudly. The second boy cried because of a minor injury and a general sense of exhaustion. His mom gave him a stern face and whisked him away to the car.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do we care if our sons cry? When I asked that question on Twitter, a handful of moms immediately wrote me back to say: Of course! I want my son to cry! But I suspect that only applies to the kind of parents who follow me on Twitter, and even less so for the dads. The most fulsome and possibly honest answer I received (from a dad) was: \"I don't mind at all when my 11-year-old cries when he is overcome with emotion. I do mind when he cries over small injuries.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My conclusion: I think we care a lot less about boys crying than we used to, but more than we will admit. Or to put it another way: boys can cry, if they do it in just the right way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The academic research about boys and crying – or more accurately, vulnerability – shows that society is right now in a precarious place. One body of research shows that boys will fall further behind in school and in an increasingly complex society if we do not teach them how to be emotionally open and honest, able to recognize and navigate their feelings rather than stuffing them down. But another body of research shows that \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/10/education/edlife/teaching-men-to-be-emotionally-honest.html\">teaching boys to accept their own vulnerability is harder than we think.\u003c/a> Despite our best intentions, our progressive instincts, and an increasingly gender-fluid society — the mama's boy stigma dies hard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In fact, we have been stuck in this spot for a while. Nearly 20 years ago \u003cem>The Atlantic\u003c/em> ran a cover story about the \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/05/the-war-against-boys/304659/\">boy crisis in schools\u003c/a>. Boys were falling behind in math and reading scores, in high school and college graduation rates. For working-class men this translated into a very slim chance of an easy middle-class life, as I wrote about in my 2012 book \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/End-Men-Rise-Women/dp/B00D9TA4VY\">\u003cem>The End of Men\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em> Initially researchers thought that what boys needed was more ... boyishness, more rough and tumble play, more adventure stories!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But now it looks like they might need the opposite. In a 2013 \u003ca href=\"http://pages.uoregon.edu/eherman/teaching/texts/DiPrete%20&%20Buchmann,%202013%20Briefing%20The-rise-of-women.pdf\">repor\u003c/a>t, sociologists Thomas Di Prete and Claudia Buchmann wrote that \"boys' underperformance in school has more to do with society's norms about masculinity than with anatomy, hormones or brain structure.\" Boys who do extracurriculars like music, art and drama tend to get higher grades, they found, but those things are often denigrated as \"un-masculine,\" they write. And they found many examples of boys who strive for good grades being called \"pussies\" or \"fags\" by their peers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why at a time when acceptable behavior for women has expanded, do men remain stuck? After all, studies of infants and young children show that \u003ca href=\"http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/dev/35/1/175/\">babies and very young boys are just as emotive\u003c/a> as little girls. So why do we socialize it out of them? Sociologist Stephanie Coontz calls this the age of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.stephaniecoontz.com/articles/article93.htm\">masculine mystique\u003c/a>. In the 50s and early 60s it was women who were stuck in a box. But now it's men who are trapped in a narrow gender stereotype that \"prevents them from exploring the full range of their individual capabilities,\" she writes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I own a 1958 book called \u003cem>The Decline of the American Male\u003c/em>. It shows a picture of a wickedly indifferent goddess woman pulling the puppet strings of a boy. Chapter One is called \"Why Do Women Dominate Him?\" The fear of female domination runs deep. You can see it in Gamergate, in Donald Trump, in bro culture on campus. In fact, it's a strain of misogyny that runs alongside gender equality. Ask the question: \"Can Boys Cry?\" and you are only likely to inflame it, confirm the fear that boys are being forced to conform to a girls' world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My guess is that there has always been an acceptable category of male vulnerability and that it always looked different from the female kind. You can see it in boys' eternal attraction to superheroes, who are simultaneously invincible and tender. You can see it in boy-men's undying love for Bruce Springsteen. Boys seem magnetized to men who express the full range of emotions. But we have lost that along the way, or at least it's gotten perverted. In her 1999 book \u003cem>Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man\u003c/em>, Susan Faludi says that these days boys are modeling themselves on what she calls \"ornamental masculinity\" – the flattened, crude version of macho that dominates TV and music and porn.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To me the most promising efforts are the ones that address male vulnerability on its own terms, or at least in gender-neutral terms. As it happens, some of the most exciting trends in education right now are ones boys can get behind. New research on motivation encourages kids to \u003ca href=\"http://mindsetonline.com/abouttheauthor/\">fail\u003c/a>. The newly trendy concept of grit implies a life of endless obstacle courses and toughness, something boys can also own. And my favorite, psychiatrist Jonathan Shay's program to \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/13/us/excerpt-odysseus.html\">ease combat trauma with Greek classics\u003c/a>. Shay sees that the classics understood something we have forgotten — that men who are coming back from war, or who have just lost a soccer game, or who are just plain tired, would naturally want to cry. But he also sees that the message is easier to take coming from a Greek hero.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Hanna Rosin is a co-host of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/\">NPR podcast Invisibilia\u003c/a>. She's written for The Atlantic and Slate, and is the author of The End of Men.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Is+It+OK+For+Boys+To+Cry%3F+&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"We may be more accepting of boys who cry, but only if they cry in the right way, Hanna Rosin suggests. The norm for male behavior may be stuck in a place that isn't doing boys much good.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1498256635,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":14,"wordCount":1046},"headData":{"title":"Is It OK For Boys To Cry? | KQED","description":"We may be more accepting of boys who cry, but only if they cry in the right way, Hanna Rosin suggests. The norm for male behavior may be stuck in a place that isn't doing boys much good.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Is It OK For Boys To Cry?","datePublished":"2016-06-18T14:18:32.000Z","dateModified":"2017-06-23T22:23:55.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"48506 https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=48506","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2016/06/18/is-it-ok-for-boys-to-cry/","disqusTitle":"Is It OK For Boys To Cry?","nprByline":"Hanna Rosin","nprImageAgency":"Keith Negley for NPR","nprStoryId":"482156268","nprApiLink":"http://api.npr.org/query?id=482156268&apiKey=MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004","nprHtmlLink":"http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/06/18/482156268/is-it-ok-for-boys-to-cry?ft=nprml&f=482156268","nprRetrievedStory":"1","nprPubDate":"Mon, 20 Jun 2016 09:40:00 -0400","nprStoryDate":"Sat, 18 Jun 2016 07:00:00 -0400","nprLastModifiedDate":"Mon, 20 Jun 2016 09:40:36 -0400","path":"/mindshift/48506/is-it-ok-for-boys-to-cry","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cp>A few weeks ago at a soccer game I was coaching, my team got trounced. They are 7 and they are not used to losing. As soon as I called the game and they realized what had just happened, two of the boys burst out crying.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The first one cried loudly, and desperately. He was upset because he hadn't run hard enough or passed enough or scored enough goals. It was the cry of a battle commander who had let his troops down, and his father hugged him proudly. The second boy cried because of a minor injury and a general sense of exhaustion. His mom gave him a stern face and whisked him away to the car.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Do we care if our sons cry? When I asked that question on Twitter, a handful of moms immediately wrote me back to say: Of course! I want my son to cry! But I suspect that only applies to the kind of parents who follow me on Twitter, and even less so for the dads. The most fulsome and possibly honest answer I received (from a dad) was: \"I don't mind at all when my 11-year-old cries when he is overcome with emotion. I do mind when he cries over small injuries.\"\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My conclusion: I think we care a lot less about boys crying than we used to, but more than we will admit. Or to put it another way: boys can cry, if they do it in just the right way.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>The academic research about boys and crying – or more accurately, vulnerability – shows that society is right now in a precarious place. One body of research shows that boys will fall further behind in school and in an increasingly complex society if we do not teach them how to be emotionally open and honest, able to recognize and navigate their feelings rather than stuffing them down. But another body of research shows that \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/10/education/edlife/teaching-men-to-be-emotionally-honest.html\">teaching boys to accept their own vulnerability is harder than we think.\u003c/a> Despite our best intentions, our progressive instincts, and an increasingly gender-fluid society — the mama's boy stigma dies hard.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>In fact, we have been stuck in this spot for a while. Nearly 20 years ago \u003cem>The Atlantic\u003c/em> ran a cover story about the \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/05/the-war-against-boys/304659/\">boy crisis in schools\u003c/a>. Boys were falling behind in math and reading scores, in high school and college graduation rates. For working-class men this translated into a very slim chance of an easy middle-class life, as I wrote about in my 2012 book \u003ca href=\"https://www.amazon.com/End-Men-Rise-Women/dp/B00D9TA4VY\">\u003cem>The End of Men\u003c/em>\u003c/a>\u003cem>.\u003c/em> Initially researchers thought that what boys needed was more ... boyishness, more rough and tumble play, more adventure stories!\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>But now it looks like they might need the opposite. In a 2013 \u003ca href=\"http://pages.uoregon.edu/eherman/teaching/texts/DiPrete%20&%20Buchmann,%202013%20Briefing%20The-rise-of-women.pdf\">repor\u003c/a>t, sociologists Thomas Di Prete and Claudia Buchmann wrote that \"boys' underperformance in school has more to do with society's norms about masculinity than with anatomy, hormones or brain structure.\" Boys who do extracurriculars like music, art and drama tend to get higher grades, they found, but those things are often denigrated as \"un-masculine,\" they write. And they found many examples of boys who strive for good grades being called \"pussies\" or \"fags\" by their peers.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why at a time when acceptable behavior for women has expanded, do men remain stuck? After all, studies of infants and young children show that \u003ca href=\"http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/dev/35/1/175/\">babies and very young boys are just as emotive\u003c/a> as little girls. So why do we socialize it out of them? Sociologist Stephanie Coontz calls this the age of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.stephaniecoontz.com/articles/article93.htm\">masculine mystique\u003c/a>. In the 50s and early 60s it was women who were stuck in a box. But now it's men who are trapped in a narrow gender stereotype that \"prevents them from exploring the full range of their individual capabilities,\" she writes.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>I own a 1958 book called \u003cem>The Decline of the American Male\u003c/em>. It shows a picture of a wickedly indifferent goddess woman pulling the puppet strings of a boy. Chapter One is called \"Why Do Women Dominate Him?\" The fear of female domination runs deep. You can see it in Gamergate, in Donald Trump, in bro culture on campus. In fact, it's a strain of misogyny that runs alongside gender equality. Ask the question: \"Can Boys Cry?\" and you are only likely to inflame it, confirm the fear that boys are being forced to conform to a girls' world.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>My guess is that there has always been an acceptable category of male vulnerability and that it always looked different from the female kind. You can see it in boys' eternal attraction to superheroes, who are simultaneously invincible and tender. You can see it in boy-men's undying love for Bruce Springsteen. Boys seem magnetized to men who express the full range of emotions. But we have lost that along the way, or at least it's gotten perverted. In her 1999 book \u003cem>Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man\u003c/em>, Susan Faludi says that these days boys are modeling themselves on what she calls \"ornamental masculinity\" – the flattened, crude version of macho that dominates TV and music and porn.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>To me the most promising efforts are the ones that address male vulnerability on its own terms, or at least in gender-neutral terms. As it happens, some of the most exciting trends in education right now are ones boys can get behind. New research on motivation encourages kids to \u003ca href=\"http://mindsetonline.com/abouttheauthor/\">fail\u003c/a>. The newly trendy concept of grit implies a life of endless obstacle courses and toughness, something boys can also own. And my favorite, psychiatrist Jonathan Shay's program to \u003ca href=\"http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/13/us/excerpt-odysseus.html\">ease combat trauma with Greek classics\u003c/a>. Shay sees that the classics understood something we have forgotten — that men who are coming back from war, or who have just lost a soccer game, or who are just plain tired, would naturally want to cry. But he also sees that the message is easier to take coming from a Greek hero.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Hanna Rosin is a co-host of the \u003ca href=\"http://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/\">NPR podcast Invisibilia\u003c/a>. She's written for The Atlantic and Slate, and is the author of The End of Men.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cdiv class=\"fullattribution\">Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.\u003cimg src=\"https://www.google-analytics.com/__utm.gif?utmac=UA-5828686-4&utmdt=Is+It+OK+For+Boys+To+Cry%3F+&utme=8(APIKey)9(MDAxOTAwOTE4MDEyMTkxMDAzNjczZDljZA004)\">\u003c/div>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/48506/is-it-ok-for-boys-to-cry","authors":["byline_mindshift_48506"],"categories":["mindshift_192","mindshift_194"],"tags":["mindshift_20698","mindshift_943"],"featImg":"mindshift_48507","label":"mindshift"},"mindshift_36448":{"type":"posts","id":"mindshift_36448","meta":{"index":"posts_1591205157","site":"mindshift","id":"36448","score":null,"sort":[1403709362000]},"guestAuthors":[],"slug":"why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys","title":"Why It's Imperative to Teach Empathy to Boys","publishDate":1403709362,"format":"aside","headTitle":"MindShift | KQED News","labelTerm":{"site":"mindshift"},"content":"\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_36450\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-36450\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z.jpg\" alt=\"David Robert Bliwas\" width=\"640\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z-400x243.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z-320x194.jpg 320w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">David Robert Bliwas\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>By Gayle Allen and Deborah Farmer Kris \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"dropcap-serif\">When searching for toys for their kids at chain toy stores, parents typically encounter the following scenario: toy aisles are color-coded pink and blue. They shouldn't bother looking for LEGOS, blocks, and trucks in the pink aisle, and they certainly won't find baby dolls in the blue aisle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While parents, researchers, and educators decry the lack of STEM toys for girls -- and rightly so -- what often goes unnoticed is that assigning genders to toys harms boys, as well. Too often children’s playrooms reinforce gender stereotypes that put boys at risk of failing to gain skills critical for success in life and work. The most important of these? Empathy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140424221331-1407199-why-empathy-is-the-critical-21st-century-skill\">Meg Bear\u003c/a>, Group Vice President of Oracle’s Social Cloud, calls empathy “the critical 21st century skill.” She believes it’s the “difference between good and great” when it comes to personal and professional success. Researchers at \u003ca href=\"http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/\">Greater Good Science Center\u003c/a> out of the \u003ca href=\"http://berkeley.edu/index.html\">University of California, Berkeley\u003c/a>, echo Bear’s assertion. They define empathy as “the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why is empathy important? First, empathy breeds courage. In a recent study of nearly 900 youth, ages 11-13, \u003ca href=\"http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josi.12053/abstract\">Nicola \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com%2Fdoi%2F10.1111%2Fjosi.12053%2Fabstract&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGEY0Gui6TUWuqkZXWPzkJzZbsd8A\">Abbott\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josi.12053/abstract\"> and Lindsey Cameron’s, psychology researchers at University of Kent,\u003c/a> found that participants with higher levels of empathy were more likely to engage in “assertive bystander behavior.” In other words, they were willing to stand up to a bully on behalf of someone outside their peer group. This kind of courage can be life changing for a victim of bullying and prevent the damaging effects of social isolation and exclusion that often lead to anxiety and depression.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignleft\">It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes -- often reinforced in playrooms -- risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Empathy also yields happiness. People with empathy have \u003ca href=\"http://switchandshift.com/empathy-and-good-managers\">stronger interpersonal connections\u003c/a> and are more eager to collaborate, effectively negotiate, demonstrate compassion, and offer support. They’re team players, and employers recognize this. So important has this skill become that a research team in England, after engaging in a six-month review of its schools, submitted a \u003ca href=\"http://www.bbc.com/news/education-25881774\">report\u003c/a> that placed empathy in the top three of important outcomes for its students. Similarly, employers, when asked to compile a list of the “\u003ca href=\"http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/11/15/the-20-people-skills-you-need-to-succeed-at-work/\">20 People Skills You Need to Succeed at Work\u003c/a>,” placed it fifth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad fullwidth]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Empathy drives thoughtful problem solving. Empathic problem solvers put themselves in others’ shoes in a way that allows them to design life-saving \u003ca href=\"http://www.bbc.com/news/business-23817127\">baby warmers\u003c/a>, easily collapsible \u003ca href=\"http://www.thebus.org/howtoride/RulesReg.asp\">baby strollers\u003c/a>, and energy-saving \u003ca href=\"http://www.csmonitor.com/Environment/Energy-Voices/2014/0203/Shareable-economy-Sharing-cars-means-saving-energy\">car sharing services\u003c/a>. In addition, they’re often willing to work with others to solve persistent and, at times, larger problems. Rather than hoarding their knowledge and expertise, they open themselves up to what Greg Satell calls \u003ca href=\"http://www.digitaltonto.com/2013/the-new-era-of-cognitive-collaboration/\">cognitive collaboration\u003c/a>, in order to serve patients, clients, students, and even their respective fields, more effectively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes -- often reinforced in playrooms -- risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>What Parents Can Do\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Play with dolls. \u003c/strong>Parents will find that boys can be just as interested as girls in playing with dolls. Just watch little boys when they interact with an infant: they want to pat the baby's head and see the little toes, and their faces show distress when that baby starts to cry. Recognizing the importance of young children’s interactions with babies for building social skills, organizations like \u003ca href=\"http://www.rootsofempathy.org/en.html\">Roots of Empathy\u003c/a> do just that. They bring babies into elementary school classrooms as part of their empathy building, evidence-based programs. Don’t have a baby at hand? Dolls allow young children to simulate dressing, feeding, calming and caring for babies – particularly if adults participate and model this care. For parents of boys, it’s worth a trip to the pink aisles to find one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Pretend play\u003c/strong> helps children self-regulate, develop a strong “theory of mind,” and integrate positive and negative emotions. When kids adopt different personas, they face dilemmas and solve problems “in character” – in essence, they’re taking empathy for a test drive. Play researcher \u003ca href=\"http://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/zigler/people/dsinger.aspx\">Dorothy Singer\u003c/a>, Senior Researcher at \u003ca href=\"http://medicine.yale.edu/index.aspx\">Yale University’s School of Medicine\u003c/a>, contends that make believe helps children “be anyone they wish.” Through it, they “learn how to cope with feelings, how to bring the large, confusing world into a small, manageable size; and how to become socially adept as they share, take turns and cooperate with each other.” Parents can expand boy’s empathic skills through pretend play by blurring the traditional pink-blue boundary lines. Toy kitchens should co-exist with trucks, doll houses with action figures.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Read together. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://www.sciencemag.org/content/342/6156/377.abstract\">Researchers\u003c/a> have shown that reading fiction promotes empathy. Children’s book author and illustrator, \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2013/08/07/why-reading-to-children-is-crucial-not-just-for-literacy/\">Anne Dewdney\u003c/a>, echoes that finding when she argues that, “When we open a book, and share our voice and imagination with a child, that child learns to see the world through someone else’s eyes.” Sadly, \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/05/there-are-plenty-of-reasons-why-parents-may-read-more-with-their-daughters/276054/\">studies\u003c/a> reveal that parents in the U.S., Canada, and Great Britain spend less time reading and telling stories to their sons than to their daughters. In fact, in as early as nine months, researchers found a gender gap in literary activities. To address this, turn to picture books as empathy primers. Together parents and boys can look at a character’s body language and facial expressions and then identify corresponding emotions. Parents can pause while reading to ask: How do you think that make her feel? How would that make you feel? What would help him feel better?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Empathy, “\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2013/08/07/why-reading-to-children-is-crucial-not-just-for-literacy/\">an understanding that other people have feelings, and that those feelings count,\u003c/a>” is a learned behavior. For boys, as for girls, that learning begins in infancy. As University of Wisconsin’s\u003ca href=\"http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/10/understanding-how-children-develop-empathy/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0\"> Carolyn Zahn-Waxler\u003c/a> aptly notes, “There is no gene for empathy.” Parents play a key role in nurturing empathy, from explaining others’ feelings to encouraging prosocial behaviors with friends and siblings. Playroom toys and forms of play are equally important. Given all the benefits associated with empathy for success in life and work, it seems like now, more than ever, we need to mind the gap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Gayle Allen spent nearly two decades as a teacher, school leader, and founder of two professional development institutes. She holds an Ed.D. from Teachers College, Columbia University, where she focused her research on teacher learning. Gayle currently serves on the advisory board for \u003ca href=\"http://biobuilder.org/\">BioBuilder Educational Foundation\u003c/a>. She blogs at \u003ca href=\"http://www.gayleallen.net/\">Connecting the Thoughts\u003c/a> and tweets \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/GAllenTC\">@GAllenTC\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>[ad floatright]\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Deborah Farmer Kris has taught elementary, middle, and high school and served as a charter school administrator. She spent a decade as an associate at Boston University's \u003ca href=\"http://www.bu.edu/ccsr/about-us/\">Center for the Advancement of Ethics and Character\u003c/a> researching, writing, and consulting with schools. She is the mother of two young children.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n","blocks":[],"excerpt":"We need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes -- often reinforced in playrooms -- risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.","status":"publish","parent":0,"modified":1403721148,"stats":{"hasAudio":false,"hasVideo":false,"hasChartOrMap":false,"iframeSrcs":[],"hasGoogleForm":false,"hasGallery":false,"hasHearkenModule":false,"hasPolis":false,"paragraphCount":15,"wordCount":1210},"headData":{"title":"Why It's Imperative to Teach Empathy to Boys | KQED","description":"We need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes -- often reinforced in playrooms -- risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.","ogTitle":"","ogDescription":"","ogImgId":"","twTitle":"","twDescription":"","twImgId":"","schema":{"@context":"http://schema.org","@type":"Article","headline":"Why It's Imperative to Teach Empathy to Boys","datePublished":"2014-06-25T15:16:02.000Z","dateModified":"2014-06-25T18:32:28.000Z","image":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/KQED-OG-Image@1x.png"}},"disqusIdentifier":"36448 http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/?p=36448","disqusUrl":"https://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/06/25/why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys/","disqusTitle":"Why It's Imperative to Teach Empathy to Boys","path":"/mindshift/36448/why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys","audioTrackLength":null,"parsedContent":[{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003cfigure id=\"attachment_36450\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\" style=\"max-width: 640px\">\u003cimg class=\"size-full wp-image-36450\" src=\"http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/wp-content/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z.jpg\" alt=\"David Robert Bliwas\" width=\"640\" height=\"388\" srcset=\"https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z.jpg 640w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z-400x243.jpg 400w, https://ww2.kqed.org/app/uploads/sites/23/2014/06/2708811013_284b9f0f5c_z-320x194.jpg 320w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\">\u003cfigcaption class=\"wp-caption-text\">David Robert Bliwas\u003c/figcaption>\u003c/figure>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>By Gayle Allen and Deborah Farmer Kris \u003c/strong>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp class=\"dropcap-serif\">When searching for toys for their kids at chain toy stores, parents typically encounter the following scenario: toy aisles are color-coded pink and blue. They shouldn't bother looking for LEGOS, blocks, and trucks in the pink aisle, and they certainly won't find baby dolls in the blue aisle.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>While parents, researchers, and educators decry the lack of STEM toys for girls -- and rightly so -- what often goes unnoticed is that assigning genders to toys harms boys, as well. Too often children’s playrooms reinforce gender stereotypes that put boys at risk of failing to gain skills critical for success in life and work. The most important of these? Empathy.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003ca href=\"https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140424221331-1407199-why-empathy-is-the-critical-21st-century-skill\">Meg Bear\u003c/a>, Group Vice President of Oracle’s Social Cloud, calls empathy “the critical 21st century skill.” She believes it’s the “difference between good and great” when it comes to personal and professional success. Researchers at \u003ca href=\"http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/\">Greater Good Science Center\u003c/a> out of the \u003ca href=\"http://berkeley.edu/index.html\">University of California, Berkeley\u003c/a>, echo Bear’s assertion. They define empathy as “the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Why is empathy important? First, empathy breeds courage. In a recent study of nearly 900 youth, ages 11-13, \u003ca href=\"http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josi.12053/abstract\">Nicola \u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fonlinelibrary.wiley.com%2Fdoi%2F10.1111%2Fjosi.12053%2Fabstract&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGEY0Gui6TUWuqkZXWPzkJzZbsd8A\">Abbott\u003c/a>\u003ca href=\"http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/josi.12053/abstract\"> and Lindsey Cameron’s, psychology researchers at University of Kent,\u003c/a> found that participants with higher levels of empathy were more likely to engage in “assertive bystander behavior.” In other words, they were willing to stand up to a bully on behalf of someone outside their peer group. This kind of courage can be life changing for a victim of bullying and prevent the damaging effects of social isolation and exclusion that often lead to anxiety and depression.\u003c/p>\n\u003caside class=\"pullquote alignleft\">It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes -- often reinforced in playrooms -- risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.\u003c/aside>\n\u003cp>Empathy also yields happiness. People with empathy have \u003ca href=\"http://switchandshift.com/empathy-and-good-managers\">stronger interpersonal connections\u003c/a> and are more eager to collaborate, effectively negotiate, demonstrate compassion, and offer support. They’re team players, and employers recognize this. So important has this skill become that a research team in England, after engaging in a six-month review of its schools, submitted a \u003ca href=\"http://www.bbc.com/news/education-25881774\">report\u003c/a> that placed empathy in the top three of important outcomes for its students. Similarly, employers, when asked to compile a list of the “\u003ca href=\"http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/11/15/the-20-people-skills-you-need-to-succeed-at-work/\">20 People Skills You Need to Succeed at Work\u003c/a>,” placed it fifth.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"fullwidth"},"numeric":["fullwidth"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Empathy drives thoughtful problem solving. Empathic problem solvers put themselves in others’ shoes in a way that allows them to design life-saving \u003ca href=\"http://www.bbc.com/news/business-23817127\">baby warmers\u003c/a>, easily collapsible \u003ca href=\"http://www.thebus.org/howtoride/RulesReg.asp\">baby strollers\u003c/a>, and energy-saving \u003ca href=\"http://www.csmonitor.com/Environment/Energy-Voices/2014/0203/Shareable-economy-Sharing-cars-means-saving-energy\">car sharing services\u003c/a>. In addition, they’re often willing to work with others to solve persistent and, at times, larger problems. Rather than hoarding their knowledge and expertise, they open themselves up to what Greg Satell calls \u003ca href=\"http://www.digitaltonto.com/2013/the-new-era-of-cognitive-collaboration/\">cognitive collaboration\u003c/a>, in order to serve patients, clients, students, and even their respective fields, more effectively.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes -- often reinforced in playrooms -- risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.\u003c/p>\n\u003ch3>\u003cstrong>What Parents Can Do\u003c/strong>\u003c/h3>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Play with dolls. \u003c/strong>Parents will find that boys can be just as interested as girls in playing with dolls. Just watch little boys when they interact with an infant: they want to pat the baby's head and see the little toes, and their faces show distress when that baby starts to cry. Recognizing the importance of young children’s interactions with babies for building social skills, organizations like \u003ca href=\"http://www.rootsofempathy.org/en.html\">Roots of Empathy\u003c/a> do just that. They bring babies into elementary school classrooms as part of their empathy building, evidence-based programs. Don’t have a baby at hand? Dolls allow young children to simulate dressing, feeding, calming and caring for babies – particularly if adults participate and model this care. For parents of boys, it’s worth a trip to the pink aisles to find one.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Pretend play\u003c/strong> helps children self-regulate, develop a strong “theory of mind,” and integrate positive and negative emotions. When kids adopt different personas, they face dilemmas and solve problems “in character” – in essence, they’re taking empathy for a test drive. Play researcher \u003ca href=\"http://medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/zigler/people/dsinger.aspx\">Dorothy Singer\u003c/a>, Senior Researcher at \u003ca href=\"http://medicine.yale.edu/index.aspx\">Yale University’s School of Medicine\u003c/a>, contends that make believe helps children “be anyone they wish.” Through it, they “learn how to cope with feelings, how to bring the large, confusing world into a small, manageable size; and how to become socially adept as they share, take turns and cooperate with each other.” Parents can expand boy’s empathic skills through pretend play by blurring the traditional pink-blue boundary lines. Toy kitchens should co-exist with trucks, doll houses with action figures.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cstrong>Read together. \u003c/strong>\u003ca href=\"http://www.sciencemag.org/content/342/6156/377.abstract\">Researchers\u003c/a> have shown that reading fiction promotes empathy. Children’s book author and illustrator, \u003ca href=\"http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2013/08/07/why-reading-to-children-is-crucial-not-just-for-literacy/\">Anne Dewdney\u003c/a>, echoes that finding when she argues that, “When we open a book, and share our voice and imagination with a child, that child learns to see the world through someone else’s eyes.” Sadly, \u003ca href=\"http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/05/there-are-plenty-of-reasons-why-parents-may-read-more-with-their-daughters/276054/\">studies\u003c/a> reveal that parents in the U.S., Canada, and Great Britain spend less time reading and telling stories to their sons than to their daughters. In fact, in as early as nine months, researchers found a gender gap in literary activities. To address this, turn to picture books as empathy primers. Together parents and boys can look at a character’s body language and facial expressions and then identify corresponding emotions. Parents can pause while reading to ask: How do you think that make her feel? How would that make you feel? What would help him feel better?\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>Empathy, “\u003ca href=\"http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2013/08/07/why-reading-to-children-is-crucial-not-just-for-literacy/\">an understanding that other people have feelings, and that those feelings count,\u003c/a>” is a learned behavior. For boys, as for girls, that learning begins in infancy. As University of Wisconsin’s\u003ca href=\"http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/12/10/understanding-how-children-develop-empathy/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0\"> Carolyn Zahn-Waxler\u003c/a> aptly notes, “There is no gene for empathy.” Parents play a key role in nurturing empathy, from explaining others’ feelings to encouraging prosocial behaviors with friends and siblings. Playroom toys and forms of play are equally important. Given all the benefits associated with empathy for success in life and work, it seems like now, more than ever, we need to mind the gap.\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Gayle Allen spent nearly two decades as a teacher, school leader, and founder of two professional development institutes. She holds an Ed.D. from Teachers College, Columbia University, where she focused her research on teacher learning. Gayle currently serves on the advisory board for \u003ca href=\"http://biobuilder.org/\">BioBuilder Educational Foundation\u003c/a>. She blogs at \u003ca href=\"http://www.gayleallen.net/\">Connecting the Thoughts\u003c/a> and tweets \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/GAllenTC\">@GAllenTC\u003c/a>.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003c/p>\u003c/div>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}},{"type":"component","content":"","name":"ad","attributes":{"named":{"label":"floatright"},"numeric":["floatright"]}},{"type":"contentString","content":"\u003cdiv class=\"post-body\">\u003cp>\u003c/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cem>Deborah Farmer Kris has taught elementary, middle, and high school and served as a charter school administrator. She spent a decade as an associate at Boston University's \u003ca href=\"http://www.bu.edu/ccsr/about-us/\">Center for the Advancement of Ethics and Character\u003c/a> researching, writing, and consulting with schools. She is the mother of two young children.\u003c/em>\u003c/p>\n\n\u003c/div>\u003c/p>","attributes":{"named":{},"numeric":[]}}],"link":"/mindshift/36448/why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys","authors":["4354"],"categories":["mindshift_192"],"tags":["mindshift_20698","mindshift_20699","mindshift_1040","mindshift_943"],"label":"mindshift"}},"programsReducer":{"possible":{"id":"possible","title":"Possible","info":"Possible is hosted by entrepreneur Reid Hoffman and writer Aria Finger. Together in Possible, Hoffman and Finger lead enlightening discussions about building a brighter collective future. The show features interviews with visionary guests like Trevor Noah, Sam Altman and Janette Sadik-Khan. Possible paints an optimistic portrait of the world we can create through science, policy, business, art and our shared humanity. It asks: What if everything goes right for once? How can we get there? 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Hosted by journalists of color, the show tackles the subject of race head-on, exploring how it impacts every part of society — from politics and pop culture to history, sports and more.\u003cbr />\u003cbr />\u003cem>Life Kit\u003c/em>, which will be in the second part of the hour, guides you through spaces and feelings no one prepares you for — from finances to mental health, from workplace microaggressions to imposter syndrome, from relationships to parenting. The show features experts with real world experience and shares their knowledge. 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As a non-partisan forum, The Club brings to the public airwaves diverse viewpoints on important topics. The Club's weekly radio broadcast - the oldest in the U.S., dating back to 1924 - is carried across the nation on public radio stations and is now podcasting. Our website archive features audio of our recent programs, as well as selected speeches from our long and distinguished history. 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You can also visit the MindShift website for episodes and supplemental blog posts or tweet us \u003ca href=\"https://twitter.com/MindShiftKQED\">@MindShiftKQED\u003c/a> or visit us at \u003ca href=\"/mindshift\">MindShift.KQED.org\u003c/a>","imageSrc":"https://cdn.kqed.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Mindshift-Podcast-Tile-703x703-1.jpg","imageAlt":"KQED MindShift: How We Will Learn","officialWebsiteLink":"/mindshift/","meta":{"site":"news","source":"kqed","order":"2"},"link":"/podcasts/mindshift","subscribe":{"apple":"https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mindshift-podcast/id1078765985","google":"https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5tZWdhcGhvbmUuZm0vS1FJTkM1NzY0NjAwNDI5","npr":"https://www.npr.org/podcasts/464615685/mind-shift-podcast","stitcher":"https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kqed/stories-teachers-share","spotify":"https://open.spotify.com/show/0MxSpNYZKNprFLCl7eEtyx"}},"morning-edition":{"id":"morning-edition","title":"Morning Edition","info":"\u003cem>Morning Edition\u003c/em> takes listeners around the country and the world with multi-faceted stories and commentaries every weekday. 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