It might be because I am about to be 30 and I feel like that should mean something, but last week I made the dramatic decision to go to Burning Man, even though I could only go for three days. It was quick and mind blowing and now I am back at work, with chapped lips and electronic music still pumping in my brain, trying to reintegrate myself into default reality. It hasn’t been easy.
Knowing that there is a temporary magical land full of flame throwing sculptures and dance parties and land yachts building to a crescendo on the Black Rock Desert and I am not in the middle of it is depressing. Lucky for me, and for you, person with internet access who is therefore clearly NOT having an amazing burn, last year I took it upon myself to really explore the Burning Man Rapture in San Francisco, and so, in an effort to help cheer us up, I present you with seven things you can do to have an amazing time while your friends are at Burning Man.
1. WEAR YOUR COMFIEST CLOTHES TO THE OFFICE.
Your boss is dancing in a tutu on the Playa so it’s totally cool if you wear a sports bra and flip flops while creating expense reports or whatever it is you do.
2. WORK OUT IN PEACE
Yoga classes, skate parks, climbing gyms and roof top pools are all guaranteed to be at least half empty. So why not use all your Groupons at once and start getting your body into shape for next year’s burn?
3. DRINK THE FANCIEST COFFEE WITHOUT FEELING JUDGED.
All the attractive and aloof types who usually glare at you while you order tea are off being transformed in the desert. So order what you want! Take a seat in the parklet! Hang out all afternoon!
4. GET BRUNCH WITHOUT WAITING FOR 2 HOURS
Get a table anywhere! In fact, go big and invite all your non-dusty friends to brunch somewhere super popular and then ask for a table for 10. See what happens. You’ll feel like your back in the Midwest.
5. PARK IN THE MISSION
Even if you have a pretty good spot and you aren’t planning on going anywhere for a couple days, just for fun park your car on Valencia. I mean, #YOLO, right?
6. BUY ORGANIC GROCERIES
This will make you instantly happier in two ways: first, you won’t have to wait for hours in line at Rainbow. Second, you can buy something perishable and then put it in your fridge when you get home. You know where they don’t have fridges? The desert.
7. DRINK AT ZEITGEIST WITHOUT EVER WAITING IN LINE.
Okay, yes, you will have to pay for your drinks, but think of how MANY of those drinks you can pay for if you are never standing in line? Sit at your choice of picnic tables and try to be grateful you aren’t in the middle of a sandstorm and that the bandana around your neck is purely ornamental.
Remember, you always have next year. Try not to cry. I hear the weather is going to be is going to be perfect and Temple is going to be amazing.
- Lizzy Acker