You think waiting tables is no work? Think again.

If you like, I shall accept your declaration that I am the reason people hate Americans. I’m sure it’s true, because I’ve been around. But I do manage to say please, smile, and write thank you notes.

Douche? I am touched. Though my knowledge of the female anatomy and it’s hygienic maintenance is mercifully limited, my understanding is that a douche is used cleanse and refresh. Sort of like mouthwash, but on the other end. So, if you are saying my writing is refreshing, I accept the compliment.

Thank you so much.

I think some of you see what I was trying to relate– a simple example of allowing others to calculate one’s own sense of worth and what happens when one let’s that happen. It was simply an experience I wanted to share.

This was not a “poor me– look what those mean foreigners did to me” post. Quite the contrary, it was about realizing how I am allowing others to calibrate my worth, both professionally and personally. I think it happens to everyone. I am just grateful that I caught myself doing it.

I don’t really think the Spaniards were hateful, just inexcusably ignorant. I say inexcusably because this wasn’t their first visit to the U.S.– they should be aware of the basic tipping standards. Whenever I travel outside the U.S., I like to read up on where I’m visiting– finding out what is considered taboo, how I am expected to behave, etc., and I attempt to act accordingly.

Of course, it’s always possible that they just didn’t like me.

And, no, I don’t think all Europeans are lousy tippers, just as I don’t think for one moment that all Americans are great ones. One of the biggest tips I have ever received was from an Italian man with two cranky non-English-speaking children.

And some of the worst I’ve had have been from locals.

What is often difficult is that I generally spend a lot of time with people– chatting, getting to know them at their own invitation. Sometimes, the line of professionalism and just plain friendliness is blurred, so when I later receive their monetary tip, it could feel like an assessment of my self, not my service. If I allow it, which is exactly what I did in this story.

Which was the whole point. I apologize for not making that crystal clear.

That said…

Wendy– I worked at Chez Panisse years ago. Okay, it was only for a week, but I got really creeped out by how odd they were about money (at least, in my experience). I was promised “x” amount of money per hour as a back waiter. I was on the floor one week when I finally had to corner management to take care of my paperwork. Imagine having to hound management to do that. When I was filling out the papers, I was told I would be getting “x minus $3 an hour” because, “Oh, we’d never pay anyone with no experience “x”. No experience. Five years of experience. I quit on the spot.

Erika– Yes, I have been to Europe a few times. I know how things work over there. When I am there, I follow custom (though I am still prone to over-tipping). I should expect seasoned travelers over here to do the same.

And, yes, I did say the thing about spitting, but, no, I knew that the hostess would never do such a thing, so it was a safe thing to say. Sometimes, just giving words to one’s frustrations is enough to give it release. They did not hear it, it did not happen, and I felt better. And that is what I did. It is all the anger management I need. If one holds onto such things, one bottles them inside and gives one’s self cancer.

I do hope that this post might instill a little more paranoia into everyone’s lives– always thoroughly examining their coat sleeves for signs of foul play before slipping their arms into them. (Add your preferred evil laugh here).

Evan– First off, I have to tell you how much I love the fact that you took the time not only to write such a long comment, but that you took the time to make that great map of outdoor dining on your website. I will get lost in it shortly.

I could never comment on guest’s tip, which is fairly frustrating, but, like I said, a rare need. Sometimes, I do certainly feel that a mandatory 20% tip would be great, but I am a waiter, so why wouldn’t I? As a consumer, I would strongly disagree. Though the word “tip” does not, as some people think, mean “to insure promptness” (of course, the correct word in that phrase would be “ensure” and, therefore, make the word “tep”), the promise of a good tip does help ensure attentiveness. I don’t really need a lot when dine out, but I do expect a certain level of politeness and a feeling that I am welcome. If I don’t get that, I will think twice about tipping 20%. I don’t care about waiter mistakes like mis-ordering and such. And a good dose of personal charm covers myriad spills.

Amyjo– Thanks and, yes, I have moved on. I moved on as soon as I realized I acually wanted my hostess to do something nasty to the man’s coat. I saw how pointless my anger was, vented, checked myself, and went home.

And then brought it all up again when I sat down to write this post, but now is gone again…

Sam– Thank you. And, yes, it is because of people like you who dine intelligently, thoughtfully, that I stay in this business. Have a great trip!

I might, however, caution you against tipping jerks 20%– it only encourages them. I don’t.

Patrick– Thanks for that great tipping chart!