Giving Up Sunday Gravy: A Lost Food Tradition

19th April 2008

Giving Up Sunday Gravy: A Lost Food Tradition

posted by Denise Santoro Lincoln | posted in food and drink |

Have you ever given up a long-held family food tradition? I have. Years ago I gave up Italian Sunday Gravy, which is basically manna for Italian Americans. Although I stand by my decision, I often regret it as well.

Like many other Italian-American families, my mother made Gravy -- a rich tomato-based sauce with numerous cuts of meat -- each Sunday. It was almost always served with pasta, eggplant Parmesan, and other dishes and we ritually ate it each Sunday at around 2:00 p.m. (we had to eat earlier because we would then be full for hours). It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized how time consuming it was to make this enormous meal each week. My mom would start cooking by 7:00 a.m., first seasoning the meat for the meatballs and chopping the onions, parsley, and garlic. I would then come downstairs and eat a freshly cooked meatball for breakfast.

While she cooked, she would often reminisce about the long and wonderful Sunday Gravy dinners of her youth. These were spent at her Grandparents house in the Bronx and almost always had more than 20 people in attendance, with aunts, uncles, and cousins crowding around tables in the back garden or basement dining room table. When my parents moved from New York to California when I was four, the tradition of intergenerational family Sunday dinners ended for us. My mother continued the custom for the five of us in San Diego, making this enormous meal on her own each week. I loved those Sunday dinners, but often wished I had cousins and other relatives to play and eat with, as my mother had.

My love for Sunday Gravy faded once I became an adult and had to make gravy myself. Gravy's incredibly high fat content – it has pork butt, chuck roast, meatballs, braciole, and Italian sausage in the mix – places it in the "special occasions" category for me, not the "weekly" category. I also like to sleep in on Sundays while my husband makes us steel-cut Irish oats (which is probably healthier than a meatball for breakfast, although not as delightful). I think the main reason I gave up Sunday Gravy, however, is that I am too culturally removed not only from Italy, but from the even closer New York Italian American traditions of my mother's childhood. I also do not have a large local family community to create the experience that seems the natural partner of this meal, so making the extra effort required to keep this custom going for a family of four just seems insane. My mom and I occasionally make her Sunday Gravy recipe, which was passed down and tweaked generation after generation, but now only occasionally on Christmas or in larger family gatherings.

Although I am fine not eating Sunday Gravy each weekend, I realize that its absence is a reflection of how different family life is now than it was when my mother was a child. The sense of community my mother felt while gathered with her grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins nourished her more than the gravy itself, while the respect for traditional foods made from local ingredients is something she learned in her grandmother's kitchen, and then passed on later to me. I know, however, that although I love what Sunday Gravy represents, it's not really a part of my life anymore.

I am wondering if anyone else out there has family food traditions you'd like to share. If so, do you regularly take part in them, or have you also given them up? Why and do you have any regrets?

Note: Although I would love to include my mother's (and grandmother's and great grandmother's Sunday Gravy recipe) I have been told that it is a family secret and so it's off limits for publication. I've found a few Sunday Gravy recipes online and have listed them below. None of them seems equal to my mother's Neapolitan masterpiece, but I am a good Italian daughter and so therefore quite biased:

This site says the recipe is for the Soprano's Sunday Gravy.

Here's a Sunday gravy recipe from the Food Network that seems the most authentic to me.

The Chicago Sun Times lists this Sunday gravy recipe.

Epicurious lists this Sunday gravy recipe.

This entry was posted by Denise Santoro Lincoln on Saturday, April 19th, 2008 at 5:17 am and is filed under food and drink. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
tags: family dinner, food traditions, gravy, Italian, sunday dinner, sunday gravy

1 On April 19th, 2008, maggiemay said:

In my family, our Southern Sunday dinner consisted of fried chicken, rice, and lots of gravy. There might be some mustard greens or maybe green beans cooked until they fell apart. No, absolutely not healthy and I do not eat this anymore except sometimes…
sometimes I must fry chicken and make gravy or I'll surely die.

2 On April 20th, 2008, Joseph A. di Paolantonio said:

My family called this a ragù, or meat sauce. A "big ragù" for Sunday would be made of roma tomatoes cooked down and processed through a food mill and poured over [deglazing the pan with red wine first] roasted pork, veal shanks, braciole, hot and mild Italian sausages, garlic cloves, red torpedo onions studded with bayleaf nailed to the onion with cloves, and then braised in the oven for another two hours, with meatballs added an hour before serving, and shredded basil leaves stirred in just before serving. The link that I gave for my website, is the blog posting for my meatball, Abruzzo Polpettine, recipe, which shares some elements with a simple ragù. There are also links there to wonderful, traditional ragù and pesto recipes from Gianugo Rabillino.

3 On April 22nd, 2008, Denise Lincoln said:

I love how gravy, or ragù, has different nuances throughout Southern Italy. Each region seems to make it a little differently, and each Italian Grandma within those regions has her own secrets.

I also have always loved the idea of a big Southern fried chicken dinner. I need to get adopted into someone's family so I can experience the real deal :-)

4 On June 12th, 2008, Stephanie R. said:

Yeah this is a wonderful memory for me too. My grandfather came from a little town near Bari and my grandmother from a little town near Napoli. There were some compromises made so it a mix. My dad taught my german mom how to make the gravy and it became a wonderful tradition. She made the meatballs, braciole and rolled pig skin from scratch. Hot and mild Italian sausages, lamb shanks, and beef (chuck roast I think) were bought and braised in a gi-nourmous pot. Some fat was drained off, but the drippings were deglazed and used to flavor the gravy which simmered all morning. I also have memories of meatballs for breakfast. One thing is that this process was on a larger scale for our family because mom would freeze up containers of gravy to be used on other days. It was always fun to see what meat was in the container that night. We weren't allowed to pick, so the meat exchange negotiations were always entertaining.

I think I'm going to have to plan an Sunday Italian Gravy night and invite my friends over to celebrate this tradition.

5 On June 12th, 2008, Denise Lincoln said:

Stephanie R — It sounds like our Sunday gravies were pretty similar, although I had completely forgotten about the rolled up pig skin. My mother only occasionally included it, but when she did, it helped flavor the whole pot and was one of my favorite things to eat. Thanks for jogging my memory!

6 On December 7th, 2008, Elaine Martin said:

Dear Denise,
Like you, I grew up with the delicious aroma of gravy cooking every Sunday morning. My sisters and I would come home from church and grab chunks of Italian bread and start dipping into the gravy, only to be shooed away by mom because we would have finished off the pot and the loaf if left alone.
Last night I served "gravy" to dear friends who had never heard of it. I told them of our family tradition of telling the day of the week by when you made gravy. I do miss it, but it's time-consuming to make and loaded with salt and fats, but oh so comforting.
I only make gravy on special occasions now, but I have passed on the tradition and the guarded, unwritten recipe to my children. I have also taught them how to make pizzelles.
Thanks so much for your article. It gave me such comfort to know there are others out there who know that not all gravy is brown.

7 On December 31st, 2008, Ralph Bernard said:

I too grew up waking to the wonderful smells of meats cooking. My grandmother used to prepare gravy on Sundays as well when I was very young. My sister and I used to look forward to the wonderful meal she used to prepare and how it brought our family together. My grandmother passed from cancer when I was 8 and my uncles never took an interst in learning how to prepare the gravy. So for us the recipe was lost. I have been searching and tried many different variations of gravy but always seem to fall short of the flavor I remember. Perhaps it was just my youth and that special touch of love my grandmother put into the gravy that made it taste so good. Either way I will continue my quest in hopes of bringing a lost tradition back to my family. Thank you Denise.

8 On January 6th, 2009, m. ponti said:

I'm Italian on both parent's sides & now my parents & brother (whole immediate family)are gone. I am only in my forties. I used to scoff at having gravy every single Sunday, but now I make it even if it's just for myself–a smaller version of it– & it makes me feel closer to my family. It doesn't necessarily have to be unhealthy, depending on the cuts of meat,etc. Also, never put breadcrumbs in meatballs–wet bread makes them lighter & is a genuine Neapolitan way. My mom also never mixed garlic & onion is the same dish. There are many, many more healthy Italian traditions, such as lentils, pasta e fagioli, escarole with beans, etc. Not to mention artichokes, other veggies,fennel,fresh nuts,fruit,garlic,oil. All of these things are good for you-the Mediteranean diet.

9 On January 23rd, 2009, Paul Fiorino said:

While I don't have the massive family to share dinner with, I try to make spaghetti sauce (we never called it "sunday gravy," though that's exactly what it was) at least once a month because I love the way it smells up the house, and most importantly, I want my kids to have the same experience I did. I've tweaked the recipe of my father/grandmother; I include a bit of pureed eggplant for flavor, and I use the crock pot for long simmering (after doing all the browning and deglazing in a regular stovetop pot). It's great to have on hand, frozen, for lunch or quick meals.

10 On February 7th, 2009, C. Russo said:

I'm Italian from my parent's on both sides. My mother was born in the city of Naples. I too remember the smell of "gravy" when I woke up. Along with the gravy on Sunday, was the "gravy meat"; braciole,sausage, meatballs, eggplant parmagiana, stuffed artichokes,tossed salad
I have continued the "Sunday gravy" tradition. I make gravy almost every Sunday with other favorites. Most Sundays my grown children come for dinner. In fact, both my children know how to make "gravy"…..

11 On April 4th, 2009, A. Harris said:

I'm Italian on my mother's side (Couglietto), and me and my brothers always woke up to those magnificent smells from the kitchen. This is back when we lived in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Grandma was alive and the family was together. It began to spin apart after Grandma died and even more so when our parents uprooted us to New Jersey. The requirement that all the brothers had to be together at dinner became very relaxed, and those Sunday smells became fewer and farther between. I make the tradional Sunday gravy mean for my family on occasion, but those wonderful days are gone. More's the pity.

12 On May 29th, 2009, snowhite5646 said:

I still make Sunday gravy the way my Noni (the way she spelled it) made it only I do not still grow my own tomatoes, basil, garlic, etc. It doesn't taste like hers but everyone always wants me to show them how I do it. When I do they want nothing to do with making it. Too many hours I suppose. But they always want a jar when I'm done. I think some traditions should never be for gotton. Like you there are many faces missing from my table. I often long for those days and wish I paid closer attention when Noni or Papa were cooking. It was truly the best.

13 On November 21st, 2009, Strunzo said:

I could not agree more with the sentiments of this article! That fried meatball breakfast, and the later snack of bread and sauce, were among the best things ever. We got away from every Sunday and big family meals, but my mom always relied on "sauce" (no one in my very Italian family ever used the term "gravy") to please big crowds. I have carried on with this advice. If I'm hosting a party or function, a big pot of sauce never fails to please the group. And, it's definitely easier and more worth the effort when you're able to make a big batch.

14 On December 24th, 2009, Al Marabella said:

Until the past few years, I never realized Sunday gravy was such a tradition in Italian households. And the word "gravy" is unique to certain Italian families. Only a few years ago, my non-Italian wife pointed out I use the term "gravy" for sauce. I was surprised! Doesn't everyone say gravy. I also remember my momma up at 6:30am to start the process. And my dad would often cater Sunday dinners at the Knights of Columbus for various groups. Half the town would show up when Nuncio was cooking spaghetti at the KC's! Our recipe came from my dad's side (from Catania), complete with pork neck, pig's feet, chicken, a whole roast, and meatballs. I'm ashamed I didn't appreciate the tradition (and effort) until it was too late to tell my parents. I'll occasionally make Sunday gravy for my wife and two kids, and I'm trying to pass the tradition to my daughters…but it's not the same.

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