My dog Fellini loves when I bake. Or rather, I should say, he loves what I bake. I actually probably should extend that to say that he loves just about anything that is edible. And he is particularly happy when I'm standing over the stove. He actually plants himself between me and the stove, hoping for that tiny morsel that just might slip out of my fingers and into his mouth.

I think the only thing he refuses is a leafy green. Of course, we don't feed him the yicky bad-for-pup stuff like chocolate, onions, and garlic. But everything else is fair game. Unfortunately, I've had to learn the hard way not to leave my baked items out to cool on the countertop.

One day, I was painting my bathroom and had baked some delicious lemon-raspberry muffins. They were cooling on the counter. I returned to the kitchen and noticed that quite a few were missing. I asked Wendy if she was abnormally hungry that morning. She claimed not to have touched the muffins. I looked to the culprit, gleefully lying under the kitchen table, licking his chops, little muffin crumbs scattered haphazardly across his paws. Another time, I walked into the kitchen to find Fellini standing on top of the dining room table. I’ve since found him like this on a number of occasions. He is a sneak.

Recently, I decided to bake Georgene's Fluffy Rolls from Saveur Cooks Authentic American. I've wanted to try them for quite some time, having a particular affinity for sweet buttery Southern dinner rolls (my Texas roots are showing). These looked like the real deal, although, as you might know, I can't seem to follow a recipe, and of course, I had issues with this one. The recipe calls for 3/4 cup sugar, which I find a bit excessive. So I cut it to 1/2 cup (which ended up being perfect).

After mixing and kneading the dough, you set it aside to rise for "at least 3 hours." That's a really long time, especially if it was a warm summer day (isn't Georgene from Memphis?). It actually happened to be a cold Bay Area winter day, and it was still too long of a rising time on the dough. The dough had doubled by 1 1/2 hours. Determined, I let it go for 2 1/2 hours but then my better judgment got the best of me and I had to punch it down (which releases the built up carbon dioxide) and roll it out.

After rolling the dough and cutting out to rolls came the fun part: dipping each round of dough in a vat of melted butter. Oh, and don't worry, Fellini was by my side during this entire production. He was particularly enamored with this part though, as he has been known to steal an entire stick of butter off the counter and eat it within 2 seconds.

The recipe never tells you what kind of baking pan to line up the rolls in, so at first I thought to use a rimmed baking sheet (as the recipe says it makes 2 1/2 dozen rolls, which is impossible if you cut them out with a 3-inch biscuit cutter; I ended up with about half that amount). When I realized that wasn’t going to work, I switched to 2 cake pans, which seemed to work okay.

The recipe then instructs you to proof the rolls for "at least 2 1/2 hours." Again, excessive. Mine were ready in about 1 1/2 hours and that was being generous. The problem with over-proofing your bread is that it starts to taste fermented. And not in a good way, like sourdough. It can also collapse on itself when you put it in the oven.

But that didn't happen. They came out perfect. Perfectly fluffy, perfectly sweet, perfectly buttery, and perfectly Southern. And the perfect size to fit into Fellini's mouth, in one swift gulp.

Check, Please! Bay Area is KQED's new local series featuring regular people reviewing Bay Area restaurants.

Visit the Check, Please! Bay Area blog to experience the restaurants from Episode 6:

1) Piperade: | restaurant information | reviews | recipe

2) Manresa: | restaurant information | reviews | recipe

3) Bissap Baobab: | restaurant information | reviews | recipe

Please feel free to join the discussion by posting comments about the show and your reviews of the featured restaurants!

You can now watch all episodes online! Check out the new photo gallery to view behind-the-scenes shots.

I've been mourning the tragic loss of the Hayes & Vine Wine bar in Hayes Valley. When my husband and I moved here two and a half years ago, Hayes & Vine was the place we chose to go to on our first night out. They were just lovely there. The atmosphere was chill and comfortable, the decor was artistic and sophisticated, and the guys behind the bar were awesome. We each had a glass of wine and started chatting with them about our recent move to the area, the platters of cheese and cold meats they offered, and the fact that they only had tawny port on their menu. We decided to order one of their ports to share, but they sent over two glasses: our modest tawny and a $32-glass of vintage port. We were confused. "Welcome to San Francisco," they said. What a way to be greeted in our new city! So, yes, I was very sad to see Hayes & Vine disappear from my new neighborhood, but when rents are being raised all over the Valley not many places have been able to survive.

When I spied a liquor license application taped to the old Hayes & Vine window I harbored a hope that they had scraped up enough money to make a victorious comeback. They hadn't, but what has taken their place isn't half bad at all. With soothing indigo walls, squashy sofas and chairs, and curiously exuding a faint but unmistakable aroma of fresh citrus and roses, Sugar Lounge is a kick-ass place to have drinks with friends.

Sugar offers a few wines and beers, but clearly cocktails are the way to go at this place. After consulting the menu and mulling over a Grape o'Tini made with white grape juice and a Mojito with sparkling wine, my friend and I decided to sample a tart Love Shack (Hangar One Mandarin, Cointreau, pomegranate juice, and fresh-squeezed lime) and a 009 Martini made with San Francisco-distilled Gin 209 that was so smooth my lips went numb after the first sip.

In addition to cocktail glasses brimming over with such sugary offerings as Almond Roca, mini Hershey bars, and Kisses, Sugar Lounge does something else to make sure their cocktail sipping customers don't go elsewhere in search of adequate sustenance. A long shelf is set up with cubes of cheese and ham, crackers, mustard, and crudite. There were also two empty chafing dishes that I watched ravenously. What made me watch these tantalizingly empty chafing dishes? Well, there were also two wine glasses full of red peppery, soy saucey dipping delight, and anything that gets dipped into sauce is bound to be exciting. Sure enough, hot water was added to the dishes and pans of fried delicacies were piled in. One pan was stacked with small eggrolls and boneless nuggets of tangily-sauced chicken and the other pan held mushroom, carrot, shrimp, and broccoli tempura. Free fried stuff and alcohol? How friggin' brilliant can you get? We filled our plates, ordered two more drinks, and settled in for the night.

Sugar Lounge
377 Hayes Street
San Francisco, CA 94102

Monday-Thursday 4:00-11:30pm
Friday-Saturday 4:00-2:00am

Title: Founder and Food Maker Wally's Food Company
Hometown: Vancouver, Canada

1. What made you decide to start a gourmet food/delivery company?
My inspiration was my love for food and for business. My previous life was as an investment banker on Wall Street, Hong Kong and San Francisco. After doing that for a while, I spent a year trying to figure out what made me happy and it was both of those things.

I've always had a positive experience of food in the home and living in New York I got to take clients out to dinner in nice places and it informed my palate about what's good and what's not. I've always been around food, my mom is a great chef and so is my brother. He went to the California Culinary Academy here in San Francisco and I went to Le Cordon Bleu in London.

2. What was your favorite meal as a child?
My mother makes the most unbelievably good egg drop soup. It has peas, egg, ground beef, chicken stock, parsley, cilantro. It's very simple, but to this day it's what I want when I go home.

3. What's your philosophy towards cooking?
It's very simple I believe in using fresh ingredients, treating them with respect, not trying to mask them with a bunch of seasoning or foams, just using fresh seasonal ingredients and letting the ingredients come through.

4. What's your favorite item on the menu?
The Molten Chocolate Cake. It took us months to get it right. It was a complicated challenge because you have to cook it to the right degree, have it look good, keep well in the fridge and reheat properly with the center remaining "molten". But now everyone loves it.

5. What are your favorite cookbooks?
I love looking at The French Laundry Cookbook and reading about what Thomas Keller does. I wouldn't necessarily cook from it but the thought behind it and the science of what he does is very interesting to me. I also enjoy the Aquavit cookbook. I appreciate what Marcus Samuelsson does artistically, especially with Winter vegetables. He does interesting plating techniques too. I have Chez Panisse Fruit and Vegetables and I like getting the history and seasonality in addition to the recipes.

It's not a cookbook, but Harold McGee's reference book On Food and Cooking. I was an engineer so I always like science in addition to the artistry of cooking.

With so many restaurants in San Francisco, it is typical to research a restaurant before visiting. Over the next two weeks, I will be featuring a synopsis of the many restaurant review sites on the Internet. For this project, I chose to focus on restaurant review sites that allow participation from the public, as opposed to straight-review sites such as the San Francisco Chronicle or Gayot.

MOUTHFULS

Mouthfuls features topic-specific boards which range from Consumer Electronics to region-specific review boards. Mouthfuls groups California, Nevada, and Hawaii reviews together on one board.

Pros: Users of this board enjoy the fact that there is not heavy-handed administration. Frequent poster (and local blogger) *tanabutler* has a very interesting and thorough post about San Francisco restaurants that buy locally.

Cons: The board featuring San Francisco-specific reviews is a relatively low-traffic bulletin board. Searching too quickly enables "flood control" which disallows you from searching more than once every 20 seconds. This can be frustrating if all of your searches are returning zero results.

This site seems to be best for browsing, rather than viewing information about a specific restaurant.

EGULLET

eGullet is a deep bulletin board community which has many food specific forums. The eGullet society often features week-long question and answer sessions with food celebrities such as Ruth Reichl, Mario Batali, and Harold McGee. eGullet groups all California reviews together on one board.

Pros: Fairly active California community. While restaurants you are looking for won't always be on the boards, you are likely to get a response if you ask a question. eGullet is a non-profit organization and receives funding from paid subscribers and sponsors. This means no desperate pleas for money -- they seem to have a sustainable model running.

Cons: eGullet log-in process requires name, address, phone number, and much more information than most bulletin boards. Log-in required for posting or for a search using the eGullet engine. San Francisco restaurant discussion doesn't seem to be as deep as other sites.

While it is possible to use eGullet for information about the local restaurant scene, I find it best for boards such as Food Media and News and the Q & A sessions. Information while travelling overseas is also often helpful. eGullet proved invaluable for information about Venice, Italy when we travelled there last year.

CRAIGSLIST FOOD FORUM

The Craigslist Food Forum is highly active, but rarely on topic. This lightly administrated board allows any food topic on this board, so restaurant reviews are mixed up with topics such as "sushi rolling lessons."

Pros: If you are a free-form type of user who doesn't like breathing-down-your-back administration, then this is the board for you. It's active enough that most queries are answered.

Cons: Restaurant-specific conversations seem to comprise less than 50% of the board topics. Users are often a little abrupt and quick to criticize.

I would recommend this site for uber-geeks who are used to a stripped down forum format. Like mouthfuls, I would recommend this site more for browsing or for asking a direct question, rather than for searching for a specific restaurant.

Next Tuesday look for reviews of:

CHOWHOUND
CITYSEARCH
YELP

My Bay Area Bites posts, dear reader, will often be preambled by a warning.

In this case, stop reading now if you have never wondered what edible underwear taste like and you don't want to know. Ditto for revulsion to the very idea of honey, coconut, peppermint, strawberry and chocolate ever gracing your nether regions or those of a loved one, for what follows is a review of what I'll call adult novelty fusion food, all procured at Good Vibrations, the Bay Area's leading sex toy outlet.

Fasten your strap-ons: It's going to be a bumpy blog post.

Kama Sutra Honey Dust

Let's start with a fantasy.

Imagine that you're a fabulously well-appointed Indian courtesan, and a happy one at that. Imagine the warm evening wind wisping through the transparent sunset-hued silk curtains that hang around your princess-and-the-pea bed, providing a sexy patina of privacy in the flickering candlelight. Savor the scent of jasmine drifting in from the balcony and the charmingly distant moo of water buffalo. Relish the well-fed child plucking a sitar just outside your door.

Are you with me?

Now, reach for your beautiful tin of Kama Sutra Honey Dust, pluck out the feather duster that it houses, and flicker a bit across the inside of your wrist, or maybe across your knee.

Inhale.

Lovely, isn't it?

And now, taste: Equally lovely -- sweet but not too sweet, perhaps even slightly reminiscent of the tastiest Indian dessert ever, gulab jamun.

Now, disembark from the fantasy and run, next time you have a spare $25 bucks and the urge to wear something sexy to work, to buy some Honey Dust. Never mind bedroom use: a surreptitious lick of your Honey-Dusted wrist -- or knee -- at two in the afternoon at your cubicle just might sutra your kama for the rest of the afternoon quite sweetly.

And keep in mind that Honey Dust, as its primary ingredient is cornstarch, can also thicken your gravy.

Extra Strong Sugar Free Peppermint Nipples

Pert Peppermint Nipples ("Fresh and Frisky") cost $5 and come in a spunky black tin garnished by a brunette with a Jane Russell-esque body. The mints themselves are disk-shaped, a little less than an inch in diameter, with a tiny protrusion. While they are tasty -- a gentler peppermint than Altoids -- I like them even more because they're relatively large, for a mint, and last a long time. In fact, I timed one: One peppermint nipple lasts for a lengthy 10 minutes of sucking.

My tin of Peppermint Nipples is stationed in my car, where it makes for a great conversation piece with friends riding shotgun, and the mints serve the perfect oral pick-me up.

Chocolate Body Painting

This product, whose awkward gerundified name I'll chalk up to poor translation since it's manufactured in Montreal, is nearly as well-packaged as Honey Dust: It's as elegant as a perfume bottle, and you really have to peer closely at the label to see exactly what the kimono-clad couple are up to. It's equipped with a neat little miniature spatula, but as the spatula was not sheathed in sanitary plastic wrap, I dispensed with it and opted for "au naturel" (which in my lingo means "on my finger").

"Set your artistic side free. Paint a love story on your partner's body," the label advises. "It's insanely delicious..."

My idea of "insanely delicious," when it comes to spreadable chocolate, is Nutella -- especially when "au naturel", so I compared the two. Trust me, $12 peinture de corps chocolatée doesn't qualify, but maybe that's because I sampled it on on first my finger, then a baguette, instead of someone else's thigh.

Rather, it is in the "C" range of Hershey's syrup -- thin, with a hint of plastic. But I won't let it go to waste: I'll remember it's in the cupboard -- the one in the kitchen -- the next time I have an eight-year-old with a hankering for chocolate milk on my hands.

Toasted Coconut Lickable Oil

This product is just one in Good Vibration's exclusive line of "body candy". The label declares that it is "natural, non-sticky, edible, non-staining, and delicious!". Oxymoronic though the labelling might be (which in addition to calling it 'edible' also stated that it was for 'external use only'), this is a tasty $5 investment, calling to a mind a long hot afternoon on a deserted tropical beach, a pitcher of pina coladas, and a cabana boy.

One could easily drizzle Toasted Coconut Lickable Oil on top of dessert -- a non-breathing one made of flour and sugar, I mean -- and no one would know that it was meant for body part.

Edible Undies

Don't even try and tell me that you have never ever once wondered about edible underwear. You've seen the package -- the glossy red lipsticked mouth seemingly torpedoed by a chocolate-dipped strawberry -- but have you ever read the copy, which the California manufacturer offers in both French and English, implying that Francophones and Anglophones are equally zealous consumers of "dessous mangeables"?

"Sensuellement Delicieux!"

"Licking well, body heat [and] moisture all enhance the flavour of your Edible Thong. Tie strings loosely to avoid breakages, tie back and enjoy..."

Enjoy before 12/20/2015, that is.

Yes, your $5 edible underwear will last ten years -- likely longer than your non-edible underwear. Unless, of course, you wash it, take a bath with it, or otherwise expose it to an unspecified "forte humidite": "Garment will dissolve in water or excessive moisture."

But we haven't even opened the box yet, never mind tasted its contents.

First, let me assure you, there's a reason why there is no photograph of the edible thong on the package: It's because le dessous mangeables -- which I'm not sure even sounds sexy in French -- resembles a jinormous pink transparent diaper, sexy perhaps if repurposed as a Playboy rain poncho for Barbie (assuming there is no rain, of course), but most decidedly unsexy for human couture, with or without "forte humidite".

And then there was the taste -- supposedly "fraise et chocolat" -- which is about as sexy as the bottom of your kitchen garbage can two days after Thanksgiving when you still feel too fat to take out the trash.

Oh, the bitterness, of the type that launches one's face into a thousand contortions!

Oh, the texture, which clings to the roof of one's mouth and sticks to one's molars like Krazy Glue!

For the love of God and foie gras, dear reader, don't ever, ever let edible underwear cross your unsuspecting palate, nevermind your nether regions. Your tongue and other body parts will never, ever forgive you.

Tune in in two weeks for my next installment in the food-for-sex scandal: 101 uses for flavored lubricant, just in time for Valentine's Day.

I came across Kate Hill's French Kitchen Adventures sometime this week and, intrigued by her story -- she lives on a barge docked in a canal in Southwest France -- I spent a little time poking around.

What kept me reading more than the barge thing is her clear adoration for all things Fergus. Fergus Henderson, that is -- the whole-beast advocate and owner-chef at St. John Restaurant in London.

In honor of Fergus, and of San Antonio Abate's feast day on January 17, Kate and Judy started a new blog -- Going Whole Hog.

San Antonio Abate with his barnyard friends

The blog is notable not for its focus on all things porcine -- after all, there's no shortage of pig-loving blogging brethren. What I like is the "Fridays with Fergus" feature -- where she cooks something from Henderson's cookbook, "Nose to Tail Eating." The oven roasted brined pork belly sounded (and looked) especially delicious.

I had an unforgettable meal at St. John Restaurant in December. Fergus himself was there, wearing a shiny new medal. In a very goofy American-tourist moment I asked him to sign a menu for me. Here's a photo of him -- he's the one in the round glasses.

(Of course you want to know what I ate, but sadly I have few pictures to display. The famed marrow bones with parsley salad were an unctuous delight; the oxtail was meltingly delicious. The most revelatory dish, though, was the eccles cake -- a quite savory raisin pie, served with a healthy chunk of delicious Lancashire cheese.)

Kate and Judy have named this weekend Slow Pig Blogging Weekend. They say: "Devote some or all of the weekend of Jan 14-15 to preserving, preparing, photographing or just writing about a favorite dish featuring the other white meat, send us the link to your porky post by Sunday night the 15th and we'll post the participants on Jan 17th in honor of San Antonio Abate day." I'm looking forward to the results.

At least one Bay Area blogger is getting in on the piggy action: Sam has posted some very meaty photos -- the raw materials for her Slow Pig fest.

Known as the inside-out building, the Centre Pompidou at the time it was built was hailed as both a marvel and a catastrophe (pronounced cat-a-STROF) when it first opened its doors in 1977. The dream of then President Georges Pompidou, he commissioned a "cultural institution in the heart of Paris completely focused on modern and contemporary creation, where the visual arts would rub shoulders with theatre, music, cinema, literature and the spoken word".

Designed by Renzo Piano and Richard Rogers, they literally turned the building inside out with all the pipes, heating, wiring snaking about the building in color-coded pipes (blue for water, red for heating, etc.) while stairs and escalators scaled the building in glass tubes offering unobstructed views of Paris.

The Pompidou is home to the leading collection of modern and contemporary art in Europe with approximately 6 million visitors a year and over 150 million visitors since it first opened its doors. It also boasts an enormous public reference library, cinema and performance halls, a music research institute, educational activity areas, bookshops, a restaurant (Restaurant Georges) and a cafe. Most French people claim to hate it but I think they secretly love it. Similar to their feeling about America, but you didn't hear that from me...

As you ascend to the top floor of the Pompidou and slowly rise above the rooftops, you are greeting with some of the most spectacular panoramic scenes of Paris. Click here to check out their 3 live webcams. The enormous outdoor terrasse, open from late spring to early fall, is a tres chic (pronounced sheek), tres branchee (hip; pronounced bron-SHAY) place to hang out, sip a cosmo, see and be seen, all while taking in the splendor of Paris gracefully laid out before you. The staff is all about looking fabulous, service is simply inconsequential. It would be tres gauche to complain about the service and it is therefore not done. Hence, it remains an enigma.

The evening before my New Year's Eve towering inferno dinner some friends were in town and at the time of the original reservation they were 4 teenagers in tow (God help us all) so I thought the Georges would be a perfect place. Hip, cool, live dj, eye candy wait staff. The hostess had legs a good 6 feet long protruding from a miniskirt that could have been lengthened a generous 8 inches and still been considered a miniskirt, teetering on spike leopard pumps. No one was thinking about service.

the DJ set up complete with Costes CDs available for purchase. sorry no pics of the hostess...

I should have guessed it immediately upon entering (see above mentioned miniskirted hostess) but I didn't know it was a Costes-managed restaurant or I would have spun on my spike leopard pump (kidding) and hightailed it to my favorite street vendor selling crepes down at Odeon. If Costes is involved, then it's overpriced and mediocre unless of course you are at the tres chic, tres branchee Hotel Costes (where it will really be overpriced) on Rue St Honore sipping a glass of champagne where an occasional star-sighting might compensate for a soggy legume or two.

They must run the kitchen at Le Bilboquet as well as the plates were eerily similar. See for yourself. Costes also owns Cafe Ruc which was one of my favorite Parisian restaurants in 2000 before Costes took it over and the food went dreadfully and quickly downhill. Anyways...

our table next to the molars...

My friend Kristin joined us and commented that she felt like she was inside someone's mouth as these huge aluminum structures resembling giant molars surrounded us. One molar for the coat check, another molar for the kitchen entrance/exit, and another for God knows what. What it lacked in culinary excellence and customer service, we made up for it in company, conversation and convivialite. I'd hold off until the weather warms up and stop by for an aperitif on the tres cool terrasse. As everyone says, it's all about the atmosphere and that it does have in abundance.

Voila le menu...

* les entrees (the appetizers)

california rolls, vegetarien (really, this is what the menu said! 15 euros)

carpaccio saint-jacques/saumon (carpaccio of scallops and salmon, 14 euros)

foie gras de canard poele, chutney de mangue (seared duck foie gras with mango chutney, 25 euros)

petites laitues du pays basque (lettuce from basque country, 10 euros)

avocat-thon cru (avocado and tuna sashimi, 18 euros)

* les plats (the main course)

noix de saint jacques simplement dorees (scallop "nut" simply seared, 35 euros)

aller-retour (literally it means go-comeback but in the case of food it means a quick searing on the both sides and in this case it was steak tartar, 22 euros)

turbot de pleine mer, grille bearnaise (grilled turbot from the sea with bearnaise sauce, 39 euros)

macaroni au homard (lobster macaroni and cheese - this was everyone's favorite - the ultimate comfort food with lobster! 29 euros)

mandarina crispy duck (crispy duck with rice and a soy-teriyaki sauce, 27 euros)

club sandwich traditionnel pain complet (club sandwich on whole wheat bread, 17 euros, I kid you not)

* les desserts (the desserts)

gateau au chocolat costes (costes chocolate cake, 11 euros)

tarte chocolat (chocolate tart, 11 euros)

petite tarte au citron (small lemon tart, 11 euros)

tatin de basile (this tart tatin - apple tart - is named BASILE after their pastry chef but when we ordered I misread it and thought it had BASIL in it which would of course be BASILIC. duh. and you wonder why my apartment caught on fire..., 11 euros)

and the molars.....

view of the molars at night

view from a molar

the molar in the back in the coat check, don't have a clue what this monstrous yellow tube in the front is...

view of the entrance from another molar

-------------------------------

Restaurant Georges
Place Georges Pompidou
75004 Paris
Tel: +33 1 44 78 47 99
(M) #3, #4 to Reaumur Sebastopol
Click here for web site
Click here for web cams

Hotel Costes
239 rue St. Honore at Place Vendome
75001 Paris
Tel: +33 1 42 44 50 00

Cafe Ruc
159, rue Saint-Honore
75001 Paris
Tel: +33 1 42 60 97 54
(M) #1, #7 to Palais Royal-Musee du Louvre

Check, Please! Bay Area is KQED's new local series featuring regular people reviewing Bay Area restaurants.

Visit the Check, Please! Bay Area blog to experience the restaurants from Episode 5:

1) Burma Superstar: | restaurant information | reviews |

2) Paul K: | restaurant information | reviews |

3) Universal Café: | restaurant information | reviews |

Please feel free to join the discussion by posting comments about the show and your reviews of the featured restaurants!

You can now watch all episodes online! Check out the new photo gallery to view behind-the-scenes shots.

Given that I've been reciting a variant of my mother-in-law's classic fondue recipe at least seven times at day at Ye Olde Stanke Cheese Shoppe, I thought it made sense to share it here. With the current rains and the penetrating damp, it is exuberantly fondue season in the Bay Area and nothing keeps the chill off more deliciously than a tangy pot of hot melted cheese.

For the following recipe, I couldn't find Emmenthaler, but Mezzo Secco, Shelburne Cheddar, and Manchego are all perfectly acceptable subs.

Classic Fondue
Serves 4

12 ounces Gruyère, grated
12 ounces Emmenthaler, grated
2 tablespoons flour
1 large clove garlic, minced
12 ounces dry white wine
1 dash freshly grated nutmeg
1 dash cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons Kirsch
Bread and assorted dipping objects, such as apple and pear slices, celery, carrot sticks, walnuts, raw fennel, grapes, bacon, popcorn, fingers, an old boot...

1. In a large saucepan over medium-low heat, add the minced garlic and the wine. While you wait for the wine to heat up, combine the grated cheeses in a large bowl and toss with the flour. Heat the wine until bubbles start to break the surface of the liquid. Toss in the first handful of floured cheese and whisk it into the wine. Continue whisking the cheese until it melts completely before adding the next handful.

2. Repeat the process until you've added all the cheese. Continue whisking the cheese until cheesy bubbles pop out on the surface of the molten mass. Add the nutmeg, cayenne, and Kirsch and whisk until they are fully combined.

3. Now for the true test. You don't want the cheese gloppy and wet, you want it thickened enough to form a string when you pull the whisk up from the saucepan. If, while you've been futzing and fiddling with the fondue, your guests haven't impatiently eaten all your carefully cubed bread, poke a cube in the saucepan. It should evenly coat the bread with a smooth, silky layer of cheese. Now taste it. Is it good? Do you need a few more tests? Test away then.

4. When you're finally ready to share your creamy creation, pour the fondue into a heated fondue pot and get ready to select your fondue skewers. In my considerable experience, the green-tipped skewer is the coolest color. The green is followed by the light blue, followed by the yellow, followed by the dark blue, orange, and red. The black, white, and grey tend to be bottom of the fondue corporate ladder and generally get used only by default. You learn these things when you have an older sister.

The second time I made fondue this year, I was short on Mezzo Secco, but had some Clisson ripening stinkily in the fridge. Clisson is an aged, semi-soft goat cheese from Bordeaux with an orangeish rind that has been lovingly rubbed down with Sauternes during the ageing process. Is it a traditional fondue cheese? Probably not. Was I setting myself up for a potential cheesetastrophe? Oh, yeah, but life is so much more interesting when you experiment and mix things up a bit. Plus, kitchen disaster stories? Always hysterical and humbling to share.

When I went to measure out my wine, I discovered that I was all out of my ubiquitous jug of cheap white stuff. I vamped by using some of the dry sparkling white wine (Bonny Doon's Erbaluce di Caluso Spumante) that I was going to be serving alongside the fondue. So now I had done two things that messed with a classic recipe: a weird cheese and bubbly wine. Not that Clisson is weird in and of itself, mind you, I just wasn't entirely sure how it would react to the Gruèyre. It could lump, it could separate, it could...taste really foul. But it didn't, it tasted divine. The combined sharpness of the cheeses brought out a hidden fruitiness in the otherwise bone-dry spumante and I'll tell you what, there wasn't any leftover fondue that night.

There's a lesson in all of that, I think. Variety is the spice of life, and unless you mix things up a bit, life could get pretty flavorless.

Check out Amy and Laura's past posts for more variations on a melted cheese theme.